Alia

I don't know what is going on in my husband's head right now but I know he still loves me, so I doubt he is gas lighting me. We have never been to counselling.

He doesn't have PTSD he was keen on rein-listing about 15 months ago.

I'm not sure, I do feel a bit uneasy about making a budget and telling my husband to stick to it. I wouldn't appreciate him doing that to me if it were the other way around. I think he just wanted to make a point by leaving. He may have felt undervalued by me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that it was about more than the money. He isn't abusive but I do know that he resents me and sometimes the way he is towards me seems abusive.

My husband would feel like I am manipulating him with money. He did leave me once before a few weeks before our sone was born, because I didn't give him as much money as I usually did because I spent it on things we needed for our son. He went to stay with his parents for a week and it wasn't until I apologised to him for spending the money I had earned on things for our son instead of giving it to him that he came home. I just think if I do that again he will leave and I will have to go apologise to him.

I know but all day at work I help clients settle financial disputes, I just don't want to be going home and doing that with my husband. I know that my husband needs some kind of tough love but I don't want to bring money in to it. Forcing my husband to do something by using money seems dirty to me.

Obviously, I hope he doesn't leave me because I love him. However, if he did I know I would end up with custody of our son. Whilst, I would find it irritating to have to financially support him I would feel uncomfortable if I wasn't helping him out.

I don't understand.

I know it is bad but our son isn't malnutritioned or dirty. So I wouldn't say he is neglected.

I agree but I need to hope that it will.

My husband knows that I won't follow through on it. That is the only problem. I am hoping things will naturally change when our son starts going to Nursery.

I don't want to hold my husband to ransom. I don't feel cutting him off isn't the right way to treat him, but I don't know what else I can do. My husband doesn't neglect our son, if I was worried about my son's health of course I wouldn't leave my son.

I don't know what to do about it. I know my son and I aren't enough for him but I don't know what else he needs to give him some motivation to get a job. I know he feels unfulfilled the same way I do and it hurts me that he feels this way but he won't solve it by playing games.

He does nothing with our son, the days he doesn't take him to his mom's house he doesn't even get him dressed. Some days he claims he forgets to feed our son I come home from work at 8PM and the lunch I made for him is still in the fridge. He knows how to do laundry he just doesn't do it. He doesn't even pick up my dry cleaning when I ask him to. The only things he will do are home improvement even not on our home, if his friends ask him he will go and help them. I have no faith in him being capable of being a good stay at home dad.

I don't want to divorce my husband. But if I did all I would care about is my son and spending all my time with him. Honestly, if I was separated from my husband I wouldn't need to work so much. I could live within a budget working minimal hours in something other than law.

He used to be all of those things. Now he isn't I don't know. Part of me thinks he never wanted a child or he didn't realise the sacrifice having a child would require. Part of me thinks he is checked out from our family and part of me wants to believe he is addicted to video games. I also think he may have some resentment towards me for making him leave the army. It was his choice but I think he blames me for him making that choice.

I have before given my husband his own budget but we ended up fighting over it, he said it wasn't enough. I never want to argue over money with my husband or anyone I love. My father in law has spoken to my husband before and offered him a job working for him but it didn't go down well. I honestly think if I took his games away from him, he would leave me. I don't like him playing violent games around our son, when I am putting my son to bed I don't want to be hearing shooting noises. I think my reaction would be to faint if my husband washed a dish or cleaned up.

My son has me as his mother

Whilst I appreciate the suggestions to work from home or work part time, it isn't something I am interested in. I want to take a complete break from work and focus on my son and husband. I know that makes me sound lazy or entitled but it was my dream to be a full time mom. My own mom was never around (she was a great mom) but I always wanted to be completely there for my children.

I don't like to think of my husband as a disappointment but he has let me down. I haven't got time to see a counsellor I would love to but the truth is I know what would make me feel better. My husband would never come with me to a counselling session.

I don't think he wants to and I don't want him to either, my father was in the military and I don't want that for my son.

My bishop is very supportive to me. My husband is mentally stable although I may not be if I have to put up with him much longer.

I have always wanted to be a mother. I want to be there physically for my son especially now I am missing out on so much, I can never get this time back with him. I don't care about my job I used to get some pleasure from the money I earned and a kick out of having authority within the firm but now I have no time to spend any of the money. Helping companies resolve disputes and basically reach an out of court settlement in not fulfilling. If I was in a different field of law like child protection or family law I could probably get more satisfaction. He decided the army wasn't for him which is ironic given he plays so many battle army video games

I don't wasn't my husband to provide for us because he is a man I want him to do it because he loves us. The same way I have been providing for our family out of love to him and our son, not because I earn more or I love my job but because I love them. I'm not going to tell him because he is a man he needs to provide for us that isn't right, I want him out of love for me to let me stay home with our son.

I used to have hobbies and then I got married and then I got a job and then I had a son. Basically, I can't go swimming, I can't go and play tennis I can't go to my old chess club because I work all day and then I get home and have to clean and cook dinner because God forbid my husband who has been at home all day makes his own food. Then I put my son to bed which is the highlight of my day then I go to bed because I am exhausted and have to be up in 6 hours. And why do I do that ? So my husband can play his games while I run around exhausted and miserable, making all this money I haven't even got time to spend, I buy my son toys and books online that I haven't got time to read to him. That my husband won't read to our son. I have had to give up everything that gives me pleasure including spending time with my son. So excuse me for wanting my husband to stop playing childish games and go to work .

I leave home at 6:45 AM every day and work from 8AM to 7:30PM most days, I get home at 8:15. I put my son to bed if he isn't already asleep and that is all the interaction I have with him all day. I have to ask my husband and mother in law to not let him have a long nap during the day so I can spend some time with him in the evening. I know soon he won't nap at all and I will go days without interacting with him. The problem with working part time is that it won't stay part time. I have clients who request me and if I am working at all my law firm will give me their cases.