LewisC

My 18 year old exasperates me, he think he will be getting married this year with no job or education and no place to live. I'll just wait and see how it goes getting married may be the motivation he needs to figure out his future

It sounds like your kids know what they want to do. My kids have no idea so getting a college degree whilst figuring it out seems like a good use of their time. I am getting exasperated with my 18 year old, he just doesn't want to do anything. He graduated high school almost a year ago and hasn't done anything

I didn't start programming until 2002 and yes it was mostly Java but I picked up C. I self taught so didn't study it at college I actually never made it to college, which my son's remind me of when I try to convince them to go.

Haha, well I didn't meet my wife on my mission I met her in a Chineese restaurant of all places. I was missing the Asian pork and she was working as a waitress

Oh awesome! My son is still on his mission in England. I loved my mission in the Philippines so much so within a year of returning I married a woman from there

C is fairly old school isn't it. I am not young but I joined the programming party later in my life so I guess I picked up what was trendy at that time.

Thank you again for your advice. Quick update: My 18 year old son moved back home with me as his grandma wanted to self isolate, although he made it very clear to me that it was not by choice. My 19 year old son managed to stay on his mission. There has been a lot of tension in the house but I have enjoyed having my son home again. Regarding the wedding it is on hold due to the virus and my children's objections. I don't know if we will ever be married or how long she will want to wait but that is the situation right now.

Java or nothing. Although, I spend most of my time patching vulnerabilities in C softwatre neglecting my actual role which is Cyber Security.

I was in Quezon City mission 1996-1998 makes me feel old to write that.

I believe my daughter is struggling with this and it is the main issue. However, I will try to find out if there are any other reasons. Yes I agree my children come first.I didn't view the situation as me putting them second by remarrying but perhaps I was

My wife was from the Philippines but she emigrated to the USA with her parents when she was a teenager and I served my mission there, a very special place for me. Actually, I would love to one day take my children there. I am going to try to find that balance where I can discipline when I need to.

I don't mean to sound silly here but what kind of privileges? I don't believe my children have many privileges, I don't let them go out alone with friends, I don't give them money every week, I can't think of any privilege to take away from them

I know the reason why my daughter doesn't want to attend church it is because she lost her testimony as she can't reason the discrepancy of being able to be sealed to more than one person. In question to your previous response, are you suggesting that I break up with my fiancee and don't have a relationship with her at all?

Thank you for your response. How do you think a parent can make their children come to church with them?

And this is actually my final question. I spoke with my daughters today and they are coming home with me tomorrow. However, my 14 year old asked me will I make her go to church when she comes home. I told her we can discuss it, but I am not sure. Is it counterproductive to force a child to go to church? Will they just end up resenting church and disliking me? I think lots of parents have been through this situation.

Hello, this is maybe not relevant to this thread so please feel free to delete it or remove it. I was wondering if anybody knows what advice is being given to missionaries? My son is London so not a massively infected area but the threat seems to be slightly worse in Europe.

Wow thank you so much for welcoming me, I feel very blessed

Thank you again for the advice I feel very blessed. I suppose the final question I have is how can I connect to my 18 year old son? As I mentioned he is living apart from me and he is an adult now who is thinking of getting married soon. He really doesn't share any of his life with me. Honestly, I think if he didn't want a relationship with his siblings I would never see him. I don't know any way to connect with him. If you have any adult children just tell me how you interact with them?

So you would put my fiancee last at my list of considerations. Of course I put my children first but there is only so much companionship with them. It can be very lonely for me caring for them on my own and trying to do everything for them, that is the main reason I wanted to get married again.

I believe that the only error I made was to allow my son to live with his grandma when he was 14. At the time I understood that for him being in the home with all its memories was hurting him and we were not having a good relationship because of that so I let him leave which I regret because even though our relationship is less toxic now we are very distant. However, I don't think I have made any other big mistakes, all parents make mistakes.

I think by the time I wait for all my children to leave home I would have been alone for 11 years. I will also be over 50 by then and I know my fiancée won't be willing to wait for 7 more years to marry me. However, I agree with you that losing their mom has been hard for them and perhaps 4 years hasn't been long enough for them to heal. And you are right I already lost my wife I don't want to lose what I have left of her which is only our children. Having said that it will hurt me to lose my fiancée too.

Thank you so much to those who offered to pray for me and my family. That is amazing and very much appreciated.

My daughters have both expressed some nervousness around having another person live with us and how it will change the family dynamic we have now, they are both anxious in general which they get from their mom. Although, when they spend time with my fiancee they get on well. My 18 year old son he hates the idea of me marrying another woman and that is something I can't see ever changing. He has never spoken to my fiancee even when they have rarely crossed paths and he has said horrible things about her to me. I would say it is him who I could lose if I marry my fiancee. My 19 year old son has met my fiancee but for most of our relationship he has been on his mission, however he seems the most open to me marrying again, all be it not entirely comfortable. In my opinion they will never be entirely comfortable with it. I love my fiancee but I have moments where I feel guilty or confused, so it isn't a surprise to me that 3 of my children have mixed emotions. My 18 year old is just angry about the entire situation.

My son has always been very emotional and his emotions get the better of him often. He was the same way as a child, my wife and I hoped he would grow out of it but if anything it has gotten worse. I wouldn't think his girlfriend has anything to do with it, if anything I get the impression she has a calming influence on him.

I really do believe that the objections regarding me being sealed to another woman are genuine from both my children. Especially, from my 14 year old daughter because she is an active member and I think this has caused confusion for her. If my children are coming to me with these concerns then I trust that they are sincere. The possibility that they are using these issues as subterfuge for other reasons has occurred to me, but I must address the issues they are expressing first. If you can offer me any advice on doing this then I would be very grateful.