TheDenouement

This is a very tender thing for me. I've long since thought that I am a forgiving and compassionate person; that I will not judge someone unrighteously and allow those who have made mistakes to move on without my weighing them down. But... I'm bitter... and I'm having a hard time letting go. I grew up striving to do the right things. Never smoked or drank alcohol or did drugs of any kind. No relationship i had advanced beyond a romantic kiss as far as the physical intimacy went. I always have had a strong testimony and hunger for greater knowledge and faith. My wife grew up in the church but had a rebellious period. She used drugs, mostly drank alcohol, had multiple sexual relationships prior to me, has had piercings, and tattoos. Now when I met her she was on her way back. She was getting away from her troubled last relationship to a man she was engaged to, she was all but stopped drinking/partying... she just wanted to make get back on track. Without being involved too much in the repentance process, I was nevertheless a part of her journey back. She was a lot different than any girl I had dated... notwithstanding her indiscretions she was very, VERY smart. We had many things in common and after months of consecutive days I was in love with this strong, beautiful girl. We've been married for about a year now, and I love her more now than I did then; however, it has been a nearly constant struggle for me to forget the past. I'm embarrassed, and I wish it were not the case, but I find myself putting myself in a position of judging whether her attitudes and guilt are sufficient for repentance. That is NOT the role I want to be in, while at the same time, I feel a responsibility as her eternal companion to help her develop spiritually. I just want to be the best companion that I can be to her. I recognize very well that I am not perfect, while at the same time I feel like I have a lot to offer someone who fell in the pitfalls that I avoided. I DO feel at times that I can identify certain tendencies that explain and were potentially the cause of her indiscretions in the past, and it's very hard for me to prevent my mind from flooding with visions of what could result if I don't at least say something. BUT it's at this point that she feels like all her effort to become better is set at naught because of something I can't let go of. So here I am... I feel like I can do better than I am, and that our relationship would be that much better if I could just get over my own stumbling blocks. Any advice, thoughts, personal insights that may help me? Thank You!

I think the challenge is that the circumstances or places that I put myself in where I am less than comfortable are that way just because they are unfamiliar. I'm not going to go to Bars or disreputable clubs for the same reason that have been mentioned... I'm not going to have much in common with any girl that will go to those places. However... Unless I go out of my way to go where girls go to be social, I will literally be in my apartment all day except Sunday. No school classes, no extra-curricular groups, little to non-existent church activities. So Sure, I'm not going to be the first to suggest going to a dance, but if I know that's where a lot of girls go to meet guys, maybe there is a girl there just like me in that way... not sure of how to meet someone, but goes regardless of it being the first choice. So to be honest... the only place that is regularly in my schedule where there is anyone of the opposite gender is at church... and I really don't go to church to pick up on girls. I notice cute girls, but the time to get to know them is between classes or right after, and most people aren't loitering much. So here's what I'm sayin... I know Tania and her roommate C... nope never mind... and I know Dana... and the girls I Home Teach... and those are my options; that is, unless I ask girls out randomly. I don't just have a crush on a girl where I don't have the nerve to say anything... it's literally limited options. That's where my questions are coming from... how weird is it to just cold call... or call someone up who's number or address I shouldn't even have except for the fact of BYU's amazing and slightly stalker-ish network?

I don't feel as though I am a complete social misfit, but I do feel like I over think things more often than not. Allow me to prove it... I want to date... and I'm a guy, so the responsibility falls mostly, if not entirely, upon my shoulders; and rightly so, I'm not here to murmur about that. But let me just say I have tried a number of approaches to ask girls out and the results have been less than desirable to say the least. That being said, it's very difficult for me to just take it in stride and keep going without thinking I may just be going about it the wrong way or that perhaps there are ways to improve upon what I have done in the past. So just a few questions... seeking opinion, counsel, ideas... What do Girls tend to think when a Guy: ~ she doesn't really know asks her out? In Person or over the Phone? ~ makes small talk with her? ~ asks her out when she isn't attracted? ~ flirts, but never seems to do anything about it? ~ is shy? is the center of attention? I could go on really... and it isn't necessary to answer all. But basically I am just curious because my options are limited given a very unique schedule... I have to put myself in situations where I am generally not entirely comfortable or where I don't feel natural just to meet girls... or a girl. What might be the best way to approach things? Any insight would be great...