I am pregnant with what would be our "rainbow baby" and currently struggling with depression. My husband and I have a large load of medical debt and are living with our in-laws temporarily. I am struggling imensly with my testimony of the gospel and its been extremely difficult for me. I have an unhealthy thought process that if I had been a better Mormon that we wouldn't have lost our first daughter and I know that simply isn't true but I can't stop those feelings from welling up inside of me I feel as though I'm doing something wrong all of the time even though I haven't. I feel like it's a really unhealthy self punishment I've prayed, looked for counsel and each time they simply say that "it's not your fault and you haven't done anything wrong etc" I've had counselors tell me that I should leave the church because it's just giving me unnecessary anxiety and honestly I would give anything to not feel this way but the gospel is a huge part of my life. I've been terrified that if I don't do everything exactly right then I'll lose this baby too so I consistently read the scriptures, pray, go to church I even signed up for institute classes thinking if I immerse myself completely these feelings would go away. I don't know if I need to just take a step back and give myself room to breathe and then come back when I'm ready or continue pushing through this depression and anxiety immersing myself? The reason I mentioned that we live with our in-laws is that this is adding to my ever long list of anxiety.