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faithful_father posted a topic in Marriage and Relationship AdviceHello everyone, Short Back story This past week my little sister (LS) and brother in law (BIL) came over to visit with my wife and myself. In our visit, my BIL and LS disclosed to my wife and I many troubling things that give me trouble sleeping at night. After their message, they left our house and gave my wife and I hugs goodbye, but I was still processing all that they had shared with me. I was shocked. They all have to do with the life, trauma and disfunction of my BIL, and the awful situation I find myself in. Here is a list of what I learned about my BIL during his "Pre-missionary" life He was extremely sexually abused for many years, perhaps 10 years, perhaps more, when he was a child to young man, by this Step Father (SF), were are talking about multiple times being raped by his SF, and again this is my BIL we're talking about. Think about the worst case scenario, and that would be my BIL. Think Kevin Spacey. He has had past suicide attempts during his teenage years, which many scars from cuts on his arms from self mutilation. Again, think worst case scenario. He was extremely promiscuous as a teenager, pornography as well. When asked by my LS how many people BIL had slept with he could not give a number. My guess say it would be between 50 to 100. He had a DUI at 17, was addicted to drugs, tobacco and drinking. Overall, his childhood was awful and he or someone he knew thought it would be a good idea to go on a mission. OMGosh!!!! His Mission He obviously lied to get on a mission. Was sent state side to a state in the east. While on his mission he had sex multiple times with a girl who was I'm not sure was, or was not a member. Apparently, he planned on marrying her after the mission, but that didn't happen because my lucky sister was duped instead (more on that later.) He finished his mission and came home "with honor", never disclosing what he had done. After his Mission Moved out of his parents house, and left his home state and moved to the the community and singles ward that my sister lived in after his mission. Continued to be promiscuous after his mission, meeting girls at bars, smoking, drinking. Him and my LS then start dating, and she thinks he is the greatest guy, in the meantime he is cheating on her. He volunteered to be a temple worker during this time, at the same time having sex with women on the side. Wow... All of these facts were hid from my LS, my siblings, myself and my parents. My mother very much liked him and he comes across as a very "nice" person. Well mannered, agreeable, charming, etc. Married my Sister He married my LS in July 2017. Obviously, he had not repented from any of this, and enter the temple unworthily and that wedding should have never happened. After about 3 months of marriage the "guilt" was too much for him, and he confessed what he had done as listed above to my LS. My sister decided to stay with him. I wish she would have divorced him on the spot. But she has her own problems (low self esteem, fear of unknown, etc.) His Disfellowshipment After disclosing this to my sister, he meet with his Bishop, and something his Bishop told him was "In the five years that I have been doing this, you are the most wicked man that has ever sat in that chair." Amen. At his disciplinary council, the Stake President said "BIL the only reason you are not being excommunicated is because you wife (my LS) stood before them and asked them not to excommunicate him because she wanted to "preserve my sealing." Which ironically didn't matter anyway, because he went to the temple in the condition he did. The sealing was of no effect. But I digress... We was disfellowshipped for a total of 11 months. 3 months after my LS first found out about all the sins my BIL had done, they decided to get pregnant. They now have a 1 year old baby. On a personal note, I had been through a disfellowshipment of my own after my mission, only I was disfellowship for a long 2 years and what I did was NOTHING compared to what he did. I am shocked about how lenient they were with him! He was reinstated and blessed his child. And as far as I know is in full fellowship. Please help me answer these question. 1. Do you believe that he is a sociopath? (Hint: I do.) 2. Given you know about his childhood, sexual abuse, addictions, do you really believe that someone like that, who was so awful could change in a year after 11 months of disfellowshipment. (Hint: I don't) I do believe people can change, repent, and be forgiven, but I don't believe BIL had enough time to do that. I mean 11 months of disfellowshipment is nothing. I know of people who have been excommunicated for way less with at least a waiting period of 5 to 10 years before they would be reconsidered for re-baptism. 3. My parents do not know about any of this. I want to tell them so bad. If this was happening to my daughter I would be irate. Should I tell my parents about this? 4. I want to talk to my sister in a clam and diplomatic way to help her understand that she still might be getting duped by him. I don't believe someone with years of this behaving suddenly changes course after 1 year. When I asked BIL about had he had the intense therapy that is needed for his situation my LS responded "I am this therapist." AHH!!! 5. Follow up on #4. My sister has a very rigid and high expectation of pornography use. At our meeting, she said "BIL knows if he uses pornography even once that I am leaving him." She seemed very serious about that. So, my concern is that most people like BIL that have 10+ years of hard pornography use relapse all the time in following years. My concern is now that he knows where the goal posts are he will hide the times he does relapse. Thus building the guilt building up, which guilt will case him to re-enter the addiction cycles he "once" was in. I want to tell my sister that she might as well pack her bags. 6. I want to contact his old bishop (they have since moved wards) and stake president and ask them what the hell they were thinking to not tell her parents, and to not counsel her to leave him. So, should I contact their old bishop? Thank you all for forthcoming comments. I will read them and consider them. I will check back in every 48 hours or so to answer any follow up questions. I am scared for my sister and I'm afraid she married a complete sociopath. Thank you.