faithful_father

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About faithful_father

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    Male
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    USA
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    Family, friends, soccer, outdoors, real estate investment, comedy, and best of all the gospel :)
  • Religion
    The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

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  1. Well nearly all the advice on this thread was awful. He was/is a sociopath. He nearly killed my sister two days after I authored this post. Should I should follow the Spirit and not ask for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Particularly Omegas comments were crass and thoughtless. Ultimately, I was right. The only one in my family to not believe his story about "sincere repentance." I'm meeting with an Area 70 to complain about the stake president and Bishop for not disclosing any additional information to her family. After my sisters recovering the hospital with her 24 broken bones we will be pursing legal action against BIL and perhaps others. I certainly have learned my lesson on thinking asking people on the internet for advice is any substitute for following my gut. Good riddance.
  2. Hello everyone, Short Back story This past week my little sister (LS) and brother in law (BIL) came over to visit with my wife and myself. In our visit, my BIL and LS disclosed to my wife and I many troubling things that give me trouble sleeping at night. After their message, they left our house and gave my wife and I hugs goodbye, but I was still processing all that they had shared with me. I was shocked. They all have to do with the life, trauma and disfunction of my BIL, and the awful situation I find myself in. Here is a list of what I learned about my BIL during his "Pre-missionary" life He was extremely sexually abused for many years, perhaps 10 years, perhaps more, when he was a child to young man, by this Step Father (SF), were are talking about multiple times being raped by his SF, and again this is my BIL we're talking about. Think about the worst case scenario, and that would be my BIL. Think Kevin Spacey. He has had past suicide attempts during his teenage years, which many scars from cuts on his arms from self mutilation. Again, think worst case scenario. He was extremely promiscuous as a teenager, pornography as well. When asked by my LS how many people BIL had slept with he could not give a number. My guess say it would be between 50 to 100. He had a DUI at 17, was addicted to drugs, tobacco and drinking. Overall, his childhood was awful and he or someone he knew thought it would be a good idea to go on a mission. OMGosh!!!! His Mission He obviously lied to get on a mission. Was sent state side to a state in the east. While on his mission he had sex multiple times with a girl who was I'm not sure was, or was not a member. Apparently, he planned on marrying her after the mission, but that didn't happen because my lucky sister was duped instead (more on that later.) He finished his mission and came home "with honor", never disclosing what he had done. After his Mission Moved out of his parents house, and left his home state and moved to the the community and singles ward that my sister lived in after his mission. Continued to be promiscuous after his mission, meeting girls at bars, smoking, drinking. Him and my LS then start dating, and she thinks he is the greatest guy, in the meantime he is cheating on her. He volunteered to be a temple worker during this time, at the same time having sex with women on the side. Wow... All of these facts were hid from my LS, my siblings, myself and my parents. My mother very much liked him and he comes across as a very "nice" person. Well mannered, agreeable, charming, etc. Married my Sister He married my LS in July 2017. Obviously, he had not repented from any of this, and enter the temple unworthily and that wedding should have never happened. After about 3 months of marriage the "guilt" was too much for him, and he confessed what he had done as listed above to my LS. My sister decided to stay with him. I wish she would have divorced him on the spot. But she has her own problems (low self esteem, fear of unknown, etc.) His Disfellowshipment After disclosing this to my sister, he meet with his Bishop, and something his Bishop told him was "In the five years that I have been doing this, you are the most wicked man that has ever sat in that chair." Amen. At his disciplinary council, the Stake President said "BIL the only reason you are not being excommunicated is because you wife (my LS) stood before them and asked them not to excommunicate him because she wanted to "preserve my sealing." Which ironically didn't matter anyway, because he went to the temple in the condition he did. The sealing was of no effect. But I digress... We was disfellowshipped for a total of 11 months. 3 months after my LS first found out about all the sins my BIL had done, they decided to get pregnant. They now have a 1 year old baby. On a personal note, I had been through a disfellowshipment of my own after my mission, only I was disfellowship for a long 2 years and what I did was NOTHING compared to what he did. I am shocked about how lenient they were with him! He was reinstated and blessed his child. And as far as I know is in full fellowship. Please help me answer these question. 1. Do you believe that he is a sociopath? (Hint: I do.) 2. Given you know about his childhood, sexual abuse, addictions, do you really believe that someone like that, who was so awful could change in a year after 11 months of disfellowshipment. (Hint: I don't) I do believe people can change, repent, and be forgiven, but I don't believe BIL had enough time to do that. I mean 11 months of disfellowshipment is nothing. I know of people who have been excommunicated for way less with at least a waiting period of 5 to 10 years before they would be reconsidered for re-baptism. 3. My parents do not know about any of this. I want to tell them so bad. If this was happening to my daughter I would be irate. Should I tell my parents about this? 4. I want to talk to my sister in a clam and diplomatic way to help her understand that she still might be getting duped by him. I don't believe someone with years of this behaving suddenly changes course after 1 year. When I asked BIL about had he had the intense therapy that is needed for his situation my LS responded "I am this therapist." AHH!!! 5. Follow up on #4. My sister has a very rigid and high expectation of pornography use. At our meeting, she said "BIL knows if he uses pornography even once that I am leaving him." She seemed very serious about that. So, my concern is that most people like BIL that have 10+ years of hard pornography use relapse all the time in following years. My concern is now that he knows where the goal posts are he will hide the times he does relapse. Thus building the guilt building up, which guilt will case him to re-enter the addiction cycles he "once" was in. I want to tell my sister that she might as well pack her bags. 6. I want to contact his old bishop (they have since moved wards) and stake president and ask them what the hell they were thinking to not tell her parents, and to not counsel her to leave him. So, should I contact their old bishop? Thank you all for forthcoming comments. I will read them and consider them. I will check back in every 48 hours or so to answer any follow up questions. I am scared for my sister and I'm afraid she married a complete sociopath. Thank you.
  3. faithful_father

    Chastity

    Man people have a lot of time on their hands. The original poster hasn't made a return post and yet the dialogue seems to have moved away from her main concern. And I agree that the opinions of prophets are worthy considering and adopting but there are some that are not. i.e. Brigham Young with miscegenation etc.
  4. faithful_father

    Is there any hope for us?

    Not enough detail to really give a thorough opinion. But I will say why go back to her? There's tons of fish in the sea. Start fresh, don't go on the Jerry Springer show.
  5. faithful_father

    Chastity

    @Bri55 in my opinion french kissing is one of the signs that you're physically and emotionally connecting in your relationship. It's not bad per se as along as you don't allow it to be. If you have the spirit in your life then you have your answer. President Kimball has said some stuff in his day that might just have been his opinion. Especially if it was written in the commercial book the Miracle of Forgiveness.
  6. faithful_father

    Eroding Friendships

    I am politically moderate but would lean more conservative. Penny is toxic as are all SJW's. I don't know how calling people Nazi's is ever acceptable. I had an old high school friend once who called me a racist on facebook because I wanted to control illegal immigration. I told him to go F off because I had spent more time helping hispanics (via my mission) than he could ever understanding. He apologized and said "I didn't know..." in which I replied of course he didn't know and until he knows he should not throw around such an awful insult endless you have evidence of that claim. We aren't friends anymore because the SJW mindset is toxic and hateful in my experience. I have democratic friends who want to help the dispossessed, however SJW's are a no go. Friends don't call friends Nazi's and racists without facts. I don't have people in my life like that.
  7. @anatess2 short men in fact make less money than men, and need to earn more than taller men to compete for women. See Dan Ariely professor at Duke's article on The Upside Down Irrationality. I was making the argument to the young man that MOST women in the country that he lives (the United States) do not prefer short men. That's a fact. My point to you is that by pointing out one women that is fine with a shorter man doesn't negate the body of research that show that most women prefer taller men. Therefore, based on the discouragement of the OP I recommended not approaching women taller than him. Again, the word is, MOST, not all women are hypergamist and vain. Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous women? for her prices is far above rubies." Ever since Old Testament times men have been aware of the potential women have for untapped vanity. Utah rates of plastic surgery surge, because why? In General Conference one of the sister said "One of the ways [sisters] we can show love to our husbands is my living with a budget [our means]." I don't have vain women in my life, FYI. And I not MGTOW because I'm married to a woman, and using labels on people you don't know is generally considered rude. I tell my daughters to follow after the virtue and teaching of Jesus Christ. Women in general who try to live by Christ's teachings are not vain, nor are they hypergamist. But they are a minority. We can disagree about what the word "most" means, but to me I look around at both LDS and non-LDS women and I see women that care about status, appearance, and class. Men have their own problems no doubt. But women have vanity on lock down sister, and to say so otherwise isn't in keeping with the facts.
  8. faithful_father

    Sealed unworthily...

    @mommabear13 my mission president once told me that he was a stake president and interviewed a temple worker at the age of 90. The last question in the temple recommend interview is paraphrased "Is there any sin that you need to confess to a priesthood authority that has not already been confessed?" He told me the old man sat there for 5 minutes without saying a thing. Then he confessed the he and his wife the night before they were married in the SLC temple had had sex, and not told anyone about it. The old man then began to cry uncontrollably because of the guilt of this sin some near 60 years ago. My mission president then told him, "Dale (name changed), it's a shame you carried that with you for so long because the Lord forgave you a long time ago." No disciplinary council was called and he signed his temple recommend. There's a price to telling the spirit to get lost 100 times. Repent before you grow cold to the spirit, and don't delay. Only good awaits the broken heart and contrite spirit.
  9. @anatess2 you pointing out an exception to a rule doesn't nullify a study or rule. Most Asians are shorter, but you may know a tall one doesn't negate the arguement. Also my social sphere is no limited to "stupid women". What a judgmental thing to say. I'm welcome to defend any statement and give you the reason as to why I said it. Instead of jumping to judgement why don't you try asking more questions. First seek to understand then to be understood type of thing.
  10. @without_you Wow, you laid it all out there. I commend you for giving it your all. I am going to offer up some thoughts I had and if you want further clarity be sure to ask. You're short for a man. Studies have shown shorter men (men under 5'8") need to make at least $100,000 additional each year to make up for being short. Women do not prefer short men, and obviously there is nothing you can do to control that. You simply have to approach girls that are as tall or shorter than you. Don't approach girls taller than you as it's a 99% likelihood they won't be interested. One of the problems is you're at BYU. I know it might make sense that the sheer number of girls there means you have a greater probability of finding someone, but not so. You see, these girls have many options too. Most women are hypergamist. (look it up) and they are constantly look to "trade up". If you lived in the Midwest like I did where there are not as many YSA members, many girls would have scarcity in mind about men, because there are much less, and be more willingly to give you a shot via dating. You have abs? Trust me bro, you're in the 99% top of guys then because most guys don't even at have abs. Keep being fit. You said nothing about a mission. If you didn't go on a mission that's 75% of the girls out of your pool at BYU. They want a RM. Sorry that's just the way it is. Also, you may be ugly. Perhaps no one would tell you that because you have to have close friendship to get honest feedback. Studies show that biologically we are draw to symmetry and ratios in the human body. For example, men are draw to women with a 3 to 1 hip to waist ratio. A woman waist show be smaller than her hips. If the woman looks like a Pringles can, it's no bueno. Plastic surgery isn't a bad option but I would leave that as a last resort once you have left BYU. There are website where random people can rate your attractiveness, but it can be brutal, so be careful. Have hope though brother. There are tons of facially unfortunate looking men that have landed wives, and you can too! Get involved in intramural sports. Most women are vain, but women that play sports are typically better emotionally mature and more likely to be fit. Sports have a way of spending time together and having a mutually shared interest. The single biggest issue is your ability to make connection with other humans. Your parents were clearly neglectful in their rearing of you based on what you shared. I have 3 daughters and the single biggest goal for me in regards to them is to make sure they always know that I love them. Make sure you have a solid therapist and talk about this with a friend or bishop. Also tell your parents your feelings. Don't worry about how it will make them feel, but how it will make you feel. Don't white knight. Women are emotional experts and they can not connect with someone who can't articulate their feelings. This too, however, can be overcome. Dating is the hunger games, no doubt about it. It's brutal! That's why I'm so glad to be out of the game (married going on 9 years). But once you find her it will be all worth it. Look bro, don't lose hope. Hope is the single biggest asset you have. You have depression, get the help you need. Practice gratitude to overcome discouragement. You live in the greatest country in the world with tons of opportunities. You will pull through but work through those constraints that I mentioned. And hopefully you can leave BYU and find more success outside the bubble.
  11. faithful_father

    My Husband Slaps Me A lot

    So...I'm gong to ask a simple question. Why did you marry this guy in the first place?
  12. @B.cole2 you will be welcome in the ward. I wouldn't worry about what people think of you since that's not anything you can control. I would say the worst thing you could do is not go to church, and choose to remove yourself from the gospel and a ward family. You need additional strength right not, and that is found in your ward family. Weekly teaching of Christ will reverence your soul. I recommend it. HOWEVER.... I saw later in the thread your concern about your daughter. She's a teenager and she wants to know why her dad left. Here are the options: 1. You married the wrong man. 2. You married a good man, but he changed and became a bad man. 3. It was something you did to cause the divorce. All of these have ramifications, and none of them are good unfortunately. But your daughter is smart, and she wants to know the truth.
  13. faithful_father

    BYU-I Don’t

    Well that would be called a booty call. I bet this guy is hot. It's hard to break up with hot boyfriends I imagine. Hormones > Logic
  14. My sister was interested in this guy in her YSA ward (non-Utah unit) and she asked him if he wanted to go on a date again. He told her, "Susan (changed name) I like you, but I'm really messed up." Perhaps the most honest answer he could have gave her. She appreciated the response since she just finished up her own repentance process. Well there will be more guys that come along. Finish the repentance process then back in the hunt!
  15. It's funny I only got to the beginning of the second paragraph before I had read enough. Listen close. Dump her or endure pain. From one bro to another there's a lot of fish in the sea.