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This question was posed by Dr T in the "I Wonder" thread. *love that thread... :) Anyway, I feel very passionate about weight and what causes us to be heavy, skinny, or even okay weight. I struggled with my weight over the years with some times being skinny and sometimes being overweight. The best times were those that I could go into a store and buy anything off the rack I wanted. Please read Dr T's message and make some comments on it. I would love to know what others think about this subject. Thanks for your replies.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years, mostly not-so-happily, but we've been working on it. One big thorn in our marriage is the fact that in our first year of marriage, I gained weight, and he says he never wanted a fat wife. I've never been enormous by any means, but I weigh about 50 pounds more now than I did when we met. Never mind the fact that he gained just as much weight as I did - men are visual and women aren't; therefore, it doesn't matter if he gains weight, but it matters if I do. I've tried to lose weight and sometimes been successful and sometimes not, but right now, I weigh more than I ever have other than when I was pregnant. He has told me that if he knew I would never get a hot body, he would leave the marriage right now. He's only staying in hopes that I get with the program and get skinny. I proposed that he work on whatever issues he has that make him so unhappy with someone who isn't a supermodel, and he thought that was the absolute most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard of because there's no way a man can be attracted to a fat woman. Things have really deteriorated this last year and then the last few weeks have been terrible because I just found out a whole bunch of crap that I had no idea was going on. He's been drinking, smoking pot, looking at porn, and, the ultimate kicker that I just found out two days ago, is that he cheated on me. He swears it was only one time and they didn't "go all the way," so I guess there is at least that. Small consolation, since he admitted they did have oral sex. But he is adamant that he isn't going to do that again and that he's going to quit the alcohol and porn. He's even talking about coming back to church, something he hasn't done in several years. Part of me just can't get over kicking myself because I knew before I married him that he had been through rehab and had had problems with alcoholism, drugs, and had been sleeping around before I met him. But he had repented and was very spiritual and I was just super naive, I guess. There were red flags that I didn't see because I was just so desperate for someone to love me and I had a bird in the hand - someone who gave me tons of love and wanted to take me to the temple. He's been going through this whole mid-life-crisis over the last few years as he approached age 40. He's now losing weight and taking great pains to look good, including using lots of anti-wrinkle cream and is even talking about hair replacement therapy. He says the window of opportunity he has right now to get a hot wife is closing and if I'm not going to be the wife he wants, he's getting ready to go get her. Honestly, huge parts of me are wanting to kick him to the curb right this second and say good riddance. But then parts of me wonder if he's right. Will I have any chance of finding a decent guy if he leaves me and I'm still fat? Can a man REALLY love a fat woman? Or is that too much to ask for? I really need to hear from men specifically if you're reading this - HONEST answers. Do I have any hope of being really loved and cherished if I'm not a size 8 or less? Because if not, I need to know now so I can put every effort I can muster into saving the relationship I already have and keeping my kids' dad around. I feel in my heart like I deserve better, but despite the things I've written in this post, he's a good dad, he provides well for our family, and he generally treats me well - no physical abuse or anything like that. If I could lose 50 pounds and our marriage and family life would be 100 times better, maybe that's what I should be putting all my energy into. Especially considering the fact that if we divorce, I might never remarry and/or end up marrying someone who isn't any better and I will have destroyed my family for nothing.