I hate my family.

[Gatsby]

Is this normal? I feel neglected. My family hasn't been there for me when I most needed them-so I feel. They have disappointed me.

However, this is why I think I need God. Is this a good reason to seek God? Or do I need to seek help elsewhere?

[countrygirl66]

hi gatsby

There have been many times in my life when heavenly father as been the only family I have had. I think it has helped me learn of his eternal unconditional love. He has led me on ways to improve some family relationships and to know the ones i should walk away from. I think it is a great reason to become closer to your heavenly father.

[Gatsby]

Thank you.

[Guest SisterofJared]

Wow-- I am SO sorry, Gatsby! My family is a great joy to me... I have 8 adult children and I love and adore them all, and they love me. They love each other. We love to be together, and often spend time playing games and goofing off, as well as attending the temple together or helping each other. We've remodeled each others homes, rebuilt cars, baby sat each other's kids..... this is all of my kids service for each other as well as to us. In fact, for Christmas we have a "service gift" where we all chose a service project to do for each other. Sometimes it's been a spa day, or a month of meals for a daughter who was about to give birth.

What is the problem for your family? Perhaps other family members feel the same, and YOU need to be the one who leads them into a loving family relationship. One of my son in laws had bad family relationships, and my daughter has helped him increase the relationships because she just treats his family the way she treats our family, and they are responding well.

As a child you are not responsible for the lack of good family relationships. As an adult, once you realize the problems, the ball is in your court. This may in fact be the very mission the savior has designed for you. Heal your family! It can be done. My mother was pretty witchy, and for a few years two of my sisters wouldn't talk to her, email her, or write her. They both sent her kiss off letters. But I knew that my job was to help heal my family, and I worked hard to do so. Today, we all talk to each other. My poor mother is still somewhat witchy, and as insensitive as an ox, but everyone is able to look at the life she lived and have some compassion for her. It makes it easier to be tolerant. And nowhere in the scriptures does it way to honor our parents if they are nice to us.

You see the problem. In my opinion, that means the Lord has designated you to begin the healing. Pray and ponder.... a few years down the road, everything can be different.

Good luck, and may God bless you with a loving supportive family who will bring you comfort and joy.

Sister of Jared

[Gatsby]

Wow-- I am SO sorry, Gatsby! My family is a great joy to me... I have 8 adult children and I love and adore them all, and they love me. They love each other. We love to be together, and often spend time playing games and goofing off, as well as attending the temple together or helping each other. We've remodeled each others homes, rebuilt cars, baby sat each other's kids..... this is all of my kids service for each other as well as to us. In fact, for Christmas we have a "service gift" where we all chose a service project to do for each other. Sometimes it's been a spa day, or a month of meals for a daughter who was about to give birth.

What is the problem for your family? Perhaps other family members feel the same, and YOU need to be the one who leads them into a loving family relationship. One of my son in laws had bad family relationships, and my daughter has helped him increase the relationships because she just treats his family the way she treats our family, and they are responding well.

As a child you are not responsible for the lack of good family relationships. As an adult, once you realize the problems, the ball is in your court. This may in fact be the very mission the savior has designed for you. Heal your family! It can be done. My mother was pretty witchy, and for a few years two of my sisters wouldn't talk to her, email her, or write her. They both sent her kiss off letters. But I knew that my job was to help heal my family, and I worked hard to do so. Today, we all talk to each other. My poor mother is still somewhat witchy, and as insensitive as an ox, but everyone is able to look at the life she lived and have some compassion for her. It makes it easier to be tolerant. And nowhere in the scriptures does it way to honor our parents if they are nice to us.

You see the problem. In my opinion, that means the Lord has designated you to begin the healing. Pray and ponder.... a few years down the road, everything can be different.

Good luck, and may God bless you with a loving supportive family who will bring you comfort and joy.

Sister of Jared

You know, my bishop told me the same exact thing. Thank you for your kind words.

[georgia2]

Some of the greatest pain and sadness comes from how our families treat us.

I think the only thing worse than having a parent break your heart is when your child breaks your heart.

These are times when we come to recognize and realize the unlimited love and total understanding our Father in Heaven has. This is when we discover what true love is and helps us to develop these same qualities so we are there when OUR family needs us.

[kurisuchina]

Let's remember that our families aren't perfect. We are human, they are human, we will make mistakes and hurt each other. I know this because when I was younger there were times when I felt unloved and unappreciated in my family. There were times when I felt like I wasn't important to them or like everything I did was wrong in their eyes. I have a very strict mother and I often felt like I could never make her happy. But at those times I really did rely on the love of the Lord because I felt like that was the only love I had.

But you know what, as I've gotten older I have seen that my family truly did love me and my mom really just wanted what was best for me. I am a better person because of her strictness. I have also been able to acknowledge my own mistakes and I know that the way I felt wasn't just because of my family's weaknesses but because of my own weaknesses. So I would encourage you to pray not just for the Lord's love but also that you will be filled with love for your family members. Also pray that you will recognize and acknowledge the acts of love that they do show to you. I know that as you do this you will be filled with a greater love for your family. And as you are filled with this love you will find that they love you in return :)

[NeuroTypical]

I hate my family. Is this normal?

Many people hate for various reasons. It's certainly normal.

However, it's counterproductive, destructive, dangerous to our eternal salvation, and also kinda silly when you think about it. Folks sure spend a lot of time and energy on hate, the only thing accomplished is to breed more of itself. Imagine - we consider ourselves free agents, in posession of the ability to choose our actions, and to a certain extent, make our own destiny. And then we freely hand over our ability to control our own mental state to someone else who can get our dander up just by walking into a room. Does that sound like a smart thing to do?

Well, thankfully, we're not alone when we find ourselves stuck in this state. Brigham Young had a thing or two to say about his own temper. This is from the BY manual on Exercising Self Control:

Many men will say they have a violent temper, and try to excuse themselves for actions of which they are ashamed. I will say, there is not a man in this house who has a more indomitable and unyielding temper than myself. But there is not a man in the world who cannot overcome his passion, if he will struggle earnestly to do so. If you find passion coming on you, go off to some place where you cannot be heard; let none of your family see you or hear you, while it is upon you, but struggle till it leaves you; and pray for strength to overcome. As I have said many times to the Elders, pray in your families; and if, when the time for prayer comes, you have not the spirit of prayer upon you, and your knees are unwilling to bow, say to them, “Knees, get down there”; make them bend, and remain there until you obtain the Spirit of the Lord. If the spirit yields to the body, it becomes corrupt; but if the body yields to the spirit it becomes pure and holy (DBY, 267).

Do not get so angry that you cannot pray; do not allow yourselves to become so angry that you cannot feed an enemy—even your worst enemy, if an opportunity should present itself. There is a wicked anger, and there is a righteous anger. The Lord does not suffer wicked anger to be in his heart; but there is anger in his bosom, and he will hold a controversy with the nations, and will sift them, and no power can stay his hand (DBY, 269).

When my feelings are aroused to anger by the ill-doings of others, I hold them as I would hold a wild horse, and I gain the victory. Some think and say that it makes them feel better when they are mad, as they call it, to give vent to their madness in abusive and unbecoming language. This, however, is a mistake. Instead of its making you feel better, it is making bad worse. When you think and say it makes you better you give credit to a falsehood. When the wrath and bitterness of the human heart are moulded into words and hurled with violence at one another, without any check or hindrance, the fire has no sooner expended itself than it is again re-kindled through some trifling course, until the course of nature is set on fire (DBY, 266).

Now I charge you again, and I charge myself not to get angry. Never let anger arise in your hearts. No, Brigham, never let anger arise in your heart, never, never! Although you may be called upon to chastise and to speak to the people sharply, do not let anger arise in you, no, never! (DBY, 265).

Cease your anger, and sullenness of temper, and serve the Lord with cheerfulness, and singleness of heart. You need not expect salvation, except you can administer the same salvation to others, both in precept and example. If you expect compassion from me, administer the same to me. If you wish kind words and kind treatment from me, give me the same blessing you desire yourself; and that is the way you will be saved (DBY, 268–69).

If you give way to your angry feelings, it sets on fire the whole course of nature, … and you are then apt to set those on fire who are contending with you. When you feel as though you would burst, tell the old boiler to burst, and just laugh at the temptation to speak evil. If you will continue to do that, you will soon be so masters of yourselves as to be able, if not to tame, to control your tongues—able to speak when you ought, and to be silent when you ought (DBY, 269).

We want the spirit, knowledge, power and principle within us to govern and control our tempers; there is no danger of having too much [anger] if we will only control [it] by the Spirit of the Almighty. Every intelligent being on the earth is tempered for glory, beauty, excellency and knowledge here, and for immortality and eternal lives in the worlds to come. But every being who attains to this must be sanctified before God and be completely under the control of his Spirit. If I am thus controlled by the Spirit of the Most High, I am a king. I am supreme so far as the control of self is concerned (DBY, 264–65).