Need Help With Testimony/Motivation

[Dolly-Mama]

Hello Ladies,

I have been having a lot of trouble with my testimony lately. While I believe in the truth of the church, I believe it because it makes sense and not because I have a secure feeling of it. I have been struggling with going to church lately, which I am sure is part of these feelings. I haven't been going because I have a six month old daughter who refuses to be a good girl while we are at church. So while I deal with her, I am unable to sit through sacrament and don't get through much of my classes. I feel like I am not getting any benefit from going to church, only more aggravation and frustration. I don't feel the spirit while I am there, only anger toward my baby who is still just a baby. It is hard not to be envious of those who have babies who sleep through church. Lately I don't even want to go, I don't want to deal with what goes on. I haven't been to church for the last 4-5 weeks. I have been keeping up with my visiting teaching, though. And that 45 min to an hour, once per month is the only relief I have, the only time I feel the spirit and really spiritual at all.

Also, my husband has been having motivation problems with going as well. I feel I am failing him because I am unable to be his motivation, to be what he needs from his wife in this situation. If anyone has any advice, please help!! I want to feel secure in my testimony again, and be an active church member... I want us both to be active church members for the spiritual health of ourselves as well as our family.

-Dolly-Mama

[Elgama]

I so understand the feeling, my 2 are 5 and 2 and my son has only just got a nursery (my daughter never did), sometimes I wonder what I am getting out of church it took until my son to realise they get a lot by me insisting that we went every week, its not about me right now and its simply not my season to get that much out of church, I also found that church was the place I was most likely to face tutting and criticism about my parenting (along with some great support)

6 month olds aren't expected to be good at church - heck I don't expect my youngest to make it through the 3 hours, my daughter does now. What do you have by way of toys for her with you? - I found being able to prop mine up on a cushion or I took a playmat and surrounded them by toys from about 5months. That would sometimes give me a break and chance to concerntrate on the lesson. Do you have any older sisters that relish playing subsitute Granny in your Ward>? although tbh find that reduces after the first few weeks,

The other thing is a pram or sling to put them down for naps.

I want to be more supportive but have to catch a bus soon will post more.

-Charley

[Dolly-Mama]

Toys only occupy her for a short time, and so does sitting on her own or really sitting in general. What she wants is for someone to walk around with her, but even that only lasts a little while.

I have a hard time motivating to go to church if I don't feel I am getting a benefit from it. I want to feel spiritual and the feeling of the spirit around me. I want to enjoy or really even take the sacrament and be able to reflect on what it means to me. I have been unable to do that lately so I have had a hard time not just saying "forget it, it isn't worth the aggravation."

[zookeeper]

Oh my gosh I know the feeling!!! I'll tell you what got me through tough times with kids...My mom once told me that she went to church every Sunday, even when she didn't feel like it because she wanted her kids growing up knowing that every Sunday morning, wherever we were in the world, our parents were at church. I am grateful for my moms example...that you just do what you are supposed to do.

So here's my advice...GET HELP! Trade baby time with husband and even ask an empty-nest couple in the ward to occasionally help during classes. I've decided that when I'm at church without kids I'll help younger couples just to pay it forward to those who helped me. It will get better!!!!

[Elgama]

I'm going to put some prayer and thought into my response I know you need an answer but I want to formulate it better than I can right now.

-Charlye

[tubaloth]

Having a family is a team job? There is the good and the bad! I don't have kids, so I don't know exactly what you are going through. But I do know I have seen other family members and other members in the ward where they kind of take turns watching the kid.

Yes the kid is going to cry, yes you might have to take her out into the hall. You might even be there all day. But then you have your husband take the kid next sunday. Or somebody has the kid for sacrmentmeeting one week, and then you switch for the othe classes. To me is seems like you are trying to do it all! You can't!

But even going to church for an open prayer and maybe only for the closing prayer is still worth it. Even if you never hear a talk, and only get the sacrament given to you in the hall, I think its still worth it.

I hope you are still studying the scriptures with your husband, having Family Home Evening (this isn't just for kids). Remembering what the church does mean to you (and its more then just a sunday thing)

I wish You luck!

[igotskooled]

I also understand. And, like you, I quit going. I felt the same way. I couldn't get anything out of the lesson. I stopped going for a while, then I just decided I was not going to go back, because I had been gone too long.

Looking back, I realize this was just another way for the devil to temp me. Justifying to myself and everyone else that my children was the reason for not going made it easy to get out of it. Slowly, I began to fall away completely and loose the spirit and my testimony. It was horrible.

Please don't stop going. If you do, you may stop going altogether and loose all of the wonderful blessings you receive from going.

Hang in there, I know how you feel, you are not alone.

[paradox]

Take her to the Young Women. The laurels love babies. Worked in my branch every time--especially since that was the only way to get one of the girls to stay in class.

I'm a college student without any children, but I've been watching people for a while now. And it seems to me that the guaranteed way not to get what you want out of Church is to think you can or should do anything by yourself. Look to the Savior. Since I've been in college, I've found that how spiritual I feel is directly related to how close I feel to Him. He's the mediator. He will bring you to the joy you seek.

[angela]

I really do know how you feel. :sigh: I am probably not the best person to give you helpful suggestions though. I am a single mother with three children (ages 8 yrs, 3 yrs, and 9 months). If my baby isn't crying, the toddler is acting up. Most of the time they are crying and throwing fits at the same time. More Sundays than not I end up in the hall crying with them, literally. The only reason I even attmept to go is to be somewhat of a good example to my children.

As some of the other people have suggested, I would look for someone to help you that doesn't have children. Maybe you could even ask the RS president to put out the word or to point out someone that might be willing to help.

Good luck. :)

[dinkidi]

I'm sure all mothers know how you are feeling - I certainly do. when my four were little I spent all my time walking the corridors, like you I wondered what on earth i was bothering for. I can only echo the advice of the others - keep praying and reading your scriptures (satan wants you to fail) and ask for help. I'm the relief society president in our ward and I was asked to get help for a struggling mum. the young women were really keen to help and so were the older women and the woman was able to catch her breath and feel a lot happier. your baby will grow up so quickly that it'll take your breath away. this is one of those darn tests that we're given so hold on tight and ask for help. as for your husband, keep praying and keep trying to be a good example. we all fall down sometimes the important thing is to keep getting up!

[Elgama]

sorry this took so long I wanted to observe a Sunday with my kids and boy was it a good one, both my children chose sacrament to tantrum.

I do understand where you are coming from its horrible - I think only way really is to enlist hubby and Relief Society, my husband and I trade off which helps, I usually take him for Relief Society, sometimes he goes with his Dad, Gospel Doctrine the other parent takes him and then we take it in turns for main duty during sacrament.

-Charley

[ZionWoman]

I know this is old but I also know what you mean. Going to church with small children is a cruel torture, probably meant to consume our dross and refine our gold.

I have been in a newly wed ward where it seemed that sacrament meeting was a priesthood session and relief society was actually held out in the hall. We also corralled our children in folding chair playpens so they wouldn't electrocute themselves on mass.

I have also been in a ward where I was one of the only ones with small children and felt like I was just putting in time at church. My role never changed, just the venue.

My mom took 5 small children to church all by herself because my dad was not a member. She struggled with us and I can promise you, we didn't make it easy for her. She found help with older couples. There were three around us and they would each take one of us (they always had candy in their pockets so we were very willing to go).

I guess my advice is don't be afraid of being judged. We've all been there and felt the way feel. Don't worry about what others think of you. They are most likely not judging you, just remembering the pain. Often you have to be the one to open the door to help. You have to be willing to let others take your child for a while and not worry about what they are going to think about her. My children are very enthusiastic about life in general and I used to worry that others would be overwhelmed by the little dears or think that I load them up with sugar or something but they always find them charming (I'm not sure what's charming about snot bubbles myself but to each his own). And there is my mother and grandmother's favorite saying "this too shall pass, and then you'll look back and laugh."

Hang in there. They are small for so short a time, at least that's what I'm told...