Wanting to go back on a mission...but...

[sazkion]

Ok. About this time last year i received my mission call. I was called to go to Ukraine, Donetsk and i was going to learn Russian. I was very excited when i got my call and couldn't wait till April 9th (my MTC entry date) when i got to the MTC i had a very tough time and while i was praying on why i couldn't feel the spirit i was reminded of two sins that i had committed before i left on my mission. I talked to my branch president and then i was referred over to one of the MTC counselors. We talked about it and decided that i should go home in order to repent. I ended up returning after being in the MTC for 6 days.

Now it has been almost nine months later, i have confessed my sins and have been forgiven for them. I have been working on going back on a mission for a long time now. I first talked to my stake president about it around 6 months ago. Nothing really happened until about 3 weeks ago. I met with my bishop and stake president and have written all of the letters that they wanted me to write and turned them into my stake president on Sunday two weeks ago. He told me that he was going to call the mission office and ask them if he would be able to send in my papers now or whether he'd have to wait for a full year. Then he told me that he'll call me the next day and let me know what they said. I am still waiting for that call.

While i have been home I have been working at a grocery store and I met this great girl. I know that she would want me to go on a mission and I want to go on a mission so when i get home i could marry her or another girl who is like her. That idea has been keeping me going for quite a long time.

I feel that my stake president is leaving me in the dark and is not working hard to get me to go back on a mission. I am getting stressed more and more while waiting to hear what is going to happen. I'm not sure how much longer i can wait. I don't know if I would be able to wait till April to go back on a mission. I want to be out there right now, but five minutes later i would want to stay home and move on with my life. My feelings keep changing back and forth. I just feel like I am at my breaking point and i don't know what to do. Any help or suggestions for me?

[Palerider]

If you really want to go.....then stop waiting for your Stake Pres. Call him and ask him whats going on.....he has the whole stake on his shoulders....he could have forgot....anyway...call him....:)

[skippy740]

Patience is a wonderful virtue - and you'll learn it in the mission field as well.

What you don't like is being "kept in the dark" about what is going on.

Just as Palerider said - give him a call! Keep in mind you might have to wait for the full year to be up anyway, so patience is a great virtue.

Speaking of virtue... BE CAREFUL with this new girlfriend you found. Temptations are great right before leaving on a mission!

[LDSVALLEY]

You say you are going back and forth on the desire to serve. The Lord knows this, The Stake President might very well have done what he can and is waiting an answer. Those who make the choice need to confirm with God, he might not be ready yet.

As a Mission Leader, I would rather see you wait the full year, to give you a chance to prepare and make ready your testimony and dedication to going. There is no shame in admitting you were unready the first time. But if the church says you need to wait a year, it is with good reason. The Stake President might do you and the Lords Plan a disservice in getting you to the MTC before you are really committed and ready.

I don't want Full Time Missionaries who are perfect, they do not exist. I do want ones who understand the trials that adult converts have had and who are willing to work with a Ward to insure the investigator and the Ward are ready for the baptism.

What happens if they come back and say you must wait the full year? or even longer?

Do you chose an opportunity to gain spiritual strength? Or do you get angry about how the church is against you? Do you say, Okay, it gives me time to become more ready? or do you say heck with it, I won't waste anymore time?

In your statement you said you want to on a mission so you can marry a type of girl upon return. That could be why you have yet to hear an answer. The privilege of going on a mission should be two fold, to help to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man and to put you on course over two years of service to be the best person, spouse, parent etc that you can possibly be. Your stated goal would mean if you came back and she didn't wait or who ever you married left you later then your mission was a waste.

You showed great courage to do what was right and go home to straighten things out. Do not stop there. Show more of that great courage to prepare yourself to fulfill your Mission no matter how long it takes. For the sake of those you will contact, for your companions and for your own spiritual well being use that great courage to insure you are going out to serve the Lord and yourself. Take whatever time you need to be completely ready. Then you will be the Missionary the Lord needs you to be.

[sazkion]

Ok thanks everyone for replying.

I am worried about calling him again cause I'm worried to hear what the answer is. If I found out that I'd have to wait till April or even longer I'm hoping that I would be able to wait. I want to be fully ready before I go back out but I feel guilty whenever I hear a mission story, whenever i go to a farewell or a homecoming. I just feel guilty for coming home early. I feel that I could have stayed out and repented of my sin while I was out there. I just feel that I got discouraged learning a new language and the whole missionary culture that I gave up and went home. I don't want that to happen again when i go back out. I want to go back as ready as possible and serve to my fullest ability and do my best while I'm out there. I know that I will have no regrets for going on a mission but I also know that I will regret it if I never go on a mission, no matter what my reason was.

I have two older brothers, one didn't go on a mission and one did. My brother who didn't go on a mission has done lots of things that I'm sure he regrets, it seems like he's wasted a lot of his life doing simple things while trying to find his way, now he's 26 and has found a place in the air force and has gotten his life on track. I have another brother got home about a year and a half ago and he's happily married and is going to school and has decided on his career. I want to be like him, I know that I will be richly blessed and will grow a lot by going on a mission. I love both of my brothers dearly but I wouldn't want to follow my oldest brother's path.

I'm not sure if that is a bad reason to go on a mission, is it wrong to want to go on a mission so I can receive blessings from it? It's not the only reason but right now i feel that it's the biggest reason i want to go back out. It seems to me like I'm a little kid telling my dad that I won't do a job or something unless i get a reward after.

With this girl, I'm not worried about her holding me back from going on a mission, it's quite the opposite, i now want to go on a mission even more cause i know if i get back I will be worthy to marry someone like her, but this is not the only reason i have for going on a mission.

Being able to marry a certain girl is not the only reason i want to go on a mission, it is one of the reasons, but i wanted to go on a mission before i even met her. I want to be out there to serve and to work my hardest and bring as many people to the knowledge of the gospel as i can. I'm not expecting her to still be available when I come home, I am hoping that I'll be able to find a women like her who will be a great source of spiritual strength and who i will be able to trust my life with.

For missionaries who come home early, is having them wait a full year the usual time? When i first came home from my mission my stake president was thinking it'd only take me a couple of months if not a couple of weeks for me to be able to head back out there. Then i was kept in the dark since I have made it clear since I've come home that i want to go back out if possible. I know that I am going to go out when i am ready and when the Lord wants me too but it's hard to wait for so long. I just feel like my life has been on hold for far too long. It has already been on hold for over a year since I got my first mission call. I'm just having troubles with waiting for so long. I just wish i could be doing something right now that seemed worthwhile and where i wouldn't feel that all of my time is being wasted. I just work and go home, and that's it.

Since you're a mission leader i have some quick questions for you if you don't mind, where are you serving? Do you have any missionaries in your field who have come home early and then came back out? What advice do you have that i should do before going back out? I know that every mission is different but there has to be something that you could have seen all of your missionaries doing before they went out that would have greatly benefited them.

Again thanks for all of your answers!

[Palerider]

quit beating yourself up.......call him.....:)....your gonna have bigger trials than this in the mission field....

[Elgama]

yeah i'd give him a call - he may just have a long list, or have flu or whatever, he is human and a very busy man, give him the call and let him know you are eager.:) At least then like Palerider says you'll know

-Charley

[LDSVALLEY]

I don't mind questions but I am not sure how much help I can be. I am a Ward Mission Leader so I oversee the direction of Missionary work in the Kentville Ward in Nova Scotia. I am responsible to the Bishop for the work not the Missionaries, they fall under the direction of the Mission President who oversees a large area that includes far more then our Stake.

A second thing I want to make clear is that I joined as an adult convert, I never had the chance yet to go on a mission so I have no personal experience of the trials Missionaries suffer. I admire anyone who attempts a mission no matter how long or even if they ever get out in the Mission field.

That being said I have, over the last twelve years of membership, watched many youth from two Ward's I've been in, go out on a Mission. One came back after a few weeks, left the church and never talked to anyone about it. Three came back early due to health, two of those continued to serve a Mission locally in a reduced capacity. One simply gave up the option and did nothing.

As for the rest they shared many common traits. Most if not all were scared, would they be a good Missionary, would they be able to stick it out, would they be worthy to reach out to share the gospel, what things would happen at home, what if a loved one passed on, or a girl friend found another, or a disaster happened while they were away.

Not everyone had an unshakable testimony and sure knowledge that everything would be find and that they would be a great Missionary, I am not sure if any did. They had the normal hangups every person at the start of adult hood has, and most of those hangups are around for a long time for everyone of us. But they were determined, in spite of the imperfect beings they were, to go and do the best they could, to learn, to face what may come good and bad and try.

My 13 year old daughter gave a talk in Sacrament today and used an example that may help. If you look at a small stone on the ground it is hard to notice and easy to overlook. Take that same stone and hold it up in front of your eye, it blocks your vision and you can see nothing else.

Your Mission is simply a stone in the path of your life, focus on the Lord, on the Eternal Picture and not simply one stone in the picture. Then you can serve the Lord and yourself in a noble manner no matter what happens with a Mission call.

As far as advice on what to do, be true to yourself and the Lord. Some local Ward or Branch Mission Leaders will work hard to further the work in their area. Others will not, do what you can to support the local structure, they are your best resource or roadblock depending on their motivation. When I took over as Mission Leader in our Ward we had a real problem with members wanting nothing to do with Missionary work. ( myself included so the Lord has a sense of humor.) I worked with the Missionaries to do small things, visit members anytime they had a few minutes between appointments, get to know them, even those who brushed them off, ask for small acts of help, drink of water, washroom etc. It made a huge difference after two years, we met our Mission Plan goals this year and are one of the very few in our Stake if not the only ones who did. That was the work of many Missionaries over the last two years.

I tell this to every Missionary who enters our Ward, and every Ward Missionary who is called to serve. I do not and never will care about how many baptism our Ward does. I care about how many who are baptized we retain. A Missionary who never gets one baptism on their mission is not a failure. If you go up and knock on a door you have done what the Lord expects of you. If the door is slammed in your face it is still a victory in the Lords eyes. Teaching lessons, a baptism etc are just bonus points.

As for the year I have no idea I took it from what you said in the first post about the Stake President not sure if he had to wait for a full year to submit the papers.

I meant what I said about it taking great courage to delay going out. It is not a sign of weakness but of courage and strength and faith to do what you did. Whatever the sins were are not important. There are consequences for that choice you made, you can not control what they are but you can control how it weakens you or makes you stronger and truer to the Gospel.

If you want to do something now, offer to go out with the Missionaries in your Ward, ours are always looking for Members for appointments. Talk to the Bishop about seeing if you can be assigned as a Ward Missionary, he and the Mission Leader would need an answer from the Lord about it of course. Even without official titles you can act like a Missionary today, we are all Member Missionaries. Greet new faces, sit with those who sit alone members or not, be active in any callings or assignments you have.

Call or don't call the Stake President does not matter, do what you thing is best for you. Others are correct in that this is a small stone in your path that only seems huge because you are struggling with it now which is understandable and normal. It only defines you if you allow it to. Going on a Mission or not does not create a person worthy of marriage. It helps give you the focus to choose that path without the day to day issues of life, but only you can determine who you are to be, that after all is our purpose on Earth.

I know nothing about your or your situation, I can only create an image from what you have written. The first post you focused on the poor me theme. The image you created to me was an eighteen year old or so, in a Missionary suit who had done wrong admitted it but then expected everything to suddenly be fixed because you were really sorry and had repented. This second one you posted gave a different image, that of the same age and suit who stands on that same narrow path to adulthood we all go through who become adults. Unsure of which way to go or do as we all are. But trying to do what was right and not focusing on the negative.

Live from that second image, be true to yourself and the Lord no matter how this turns out. Don't use being a Missionary as the path to worthiness or adult hood but continue to strive to act as an adult and be worthy as a path to being a Missionary.

As a Ward Mission Leader, and in complete honesty from my experience, if you were to enter our Ward as the first image I would be asking the Mission President to transfer you out to another Ward because you seemed so focused on how wronged you were. On the other hand if you showed up as the second image I would thank the Mission President for a Missionary like that. We all make mistakes, those Missionaries who have made some serious ones, or those who had questions about even going out are the ones who best reach people who "live in the material world." A Missionary who expects others to solve the problems they create, and well intended or not they do, is a liability. One who admits and works with others to create solutions are a Godsend. The "problems" that caused you to wait can make you a very good Missionary, we have had two that took quite some time to decide to go on a mission and they have been outstanding Missionaries in our Ward.

One last thing, remember I do not really know you or your situation, take what you will from what I said, but my words are as subject to misinterpretation or misunderstanding as yours or anyone else. Turn first to the Lord, your family and those you know and trust and who know you, that is where the best advice comes from. If you come to our area and you are being the best you can be then I hope I am still a Ward Mission Leader because I would enjoy working with you.