left out

[sweetandsour]

so im feeling left out. i want to go have fun with my roomates and stuff but i also like comeing on the site...but my computer is in my room. and they always go off and leave me home alone. and last night i asked my roomate where she was she said "its a secret" come to find out she was just at the boys apt down stairs. i dont like being left out of things...and i have mentioned it once or twice and they say "its cuz ur always in your room" but how hard is it to come in and say hey were going here wanna come? (yes i have stated that to them) but im still left out....and well it just hurts

[Guest tomk]

The very next time they invite you to do something - GO.

Or, think of something to do and invite them.

Their behavior (in my opinion) indicates that you have made your preferences clear by your actions. Actions speak louder than words.

You can't BOTH be on the computer AND be involved in other things.

Did anything I said stick?

Tom

[FunkyTown]

It sounds like they might not be comfortable around you, since you're always in your room. Sometimes, that can come across as stand-offish and such. What they're doing is childish and passive-aggressive, sure, but that's something that has to be tolerated in this world.

I'd recommend coming out of your room a few hours a night and socializing, letting them know that you like and enjoy their company. Share secrets. Go shopping. Do girly things with them. Soon, you'll be asked out with them all the time.

[sweetandsour]

i have done that....im out there and they r talking about oh we r doing this or that and so i kinda pip in and say that sounds fun can i come and they say sure but when i go i feel like im ignored the whole time so its not that i havent tried cuz i have when they do ask which is rare i go. but i never feel wanted

[Gwen]

ok so not saying the others are wrong and given i don't know your room mates it could be a lot of things so the other side of the coin is.... they are threatened by you and don't want you to come. if they are going to hang out with "the guys" then there is someone they are interested in and don't want you "in the way"

[sweetandsour]

thats excatily what i think happened lastnight....doesnt mean it doesnt hurt

[Gwen]

i never said it didn't hurt.... something else to consider.

not sure if it happens to anyone else that suffers from depression but sometimes i feel "out of place" i think it's a form of or related to my depression though it's not really depression directly. like i will have the desire to be around ppl (not normal for depression for me) but everything i do feels awkward, like i'm out of place or just annoying everyone. i feel it in everything i do. with my kids, here on the site, church, you name it. i can almost feel ppl looking at me like, "why is she here?" i can even hear it in my own mind, i voice is almost an echo in my head and i'm thinking, "shut up, you sound like an idiot" everything is just awkward, anytime someone doesn't go out of their way to include me or talk to me it only confirms that i don't fit. which of course causes me to start avoiding ppl again and that helps to bring on more depression.... anyway, i hope that doesn't make me sound to crazy.

i guess i'm just asking is there a chance it's "all in your head".... yes i know how annoying that kind of comment is, it makes me very mad when someone says it to me... doesn't mean it's not true sometimes... anyway, just a thought. lol i'll shut up now.

[tubaloth]

How about you go into your room, but leave the door open so you can hear what is going on in the rest of the apartment. Depending on how big the aprtment is, you probably can tell what people are saying in the next room. This allows you to be in your room, but know what others are saying and doing. When you hear them talking about leaving, you can get off the computer and say "Where we going?!"

[Maxel]

One difficulty of living with depression is the feeling of constantly being left out- even when you're included in the activity. From experience, whenever I feel left out it's a mixture of feeling left out even when I'm included and acting in ways that say I don't want to be involved in other people's lives when I really do- but my actions don't reflect my desires.

Is there a way to bring your computer to the main area of the apartment when you're on it- I think you once said you have a laptop? Also, maybe you can start reading/doing other things in the main area of the house when others are home? Or, organize some kind of roommate get together? If you talk to your roommates and explain that you think you may be acting like you don't want to be included, but that you really do, I think you can come to an understanding with them.

Regardless, I'm sorry you're going through this. *Hug*

[prospectmom]

try .. note I said try to let go of the negative feelings,,,, pray to beable to express yourself phisically and verbally in a more positive way. Try to see things from a different perspective.... reframe your thoughts in a positive way. Its hard but you can do it and change how you perceve others and they you.

[melissar]

I can relate to how you are feeling also. I suffer from depression too and it is sometimes hard to be around other people. I never really feel included.

[sweetandsour]

so im pretty sure its not in my head...i took ur advice (which note i have been trying before this as well)

but i was out in the living room all day i talked i smiled i joked and it was all good. but then when someone came over to the apt and was talking to us the girls said. "oh hey we r going to see taken (which i had told them i really wanted to see) tonight do u want to come" so i pip in oh u guys r going to see taken when? around ten oh cool. now yes here is where i could have said can i come too but i have done that so many time i feel like they say yes just because they feel bad. maybe its selfish of me but i want them to want to ask me. so when ten rolls around im just sitting in the living room chillin and they all start to leave and all i get is a have fun see ya.

so i guess im not really looking for advice maybe this should be somwhere else i guess really i just wanted to vent cuz i think i know what to do but im tired of doing it oh well keep smiling right

[jolee65]

Well after reading your last post my advice didnt matter you already did what I was suggesting.

Are you a college student? and if so, then there are more people to hang with if they want to continue playing games.

Dont think this is anymore then what it is , its just a game now. dont bother playing just do your thing.

Edited February 5, 2009 by jolee65

[FunkyTown]

Yeah. It could be that there's some awkwardness. We all feel left out for some reason some times. I have, you have, we all have.

But if they're deliberately disincluding you, then you don't want them! Go do fun things without them.

[Gwen]

i want them to want to ask me.

i know it's not helpful but i don't know anyone that that isn't their deepest desire. to have someone want to be with you just because it's you, good days, bad days, whatever.... just because. i know it doesn't make it all better but you aren't alone.

i took latin in high school, not that i remember much of it, but we had to memorize a quote... lol can't tell you who said it or how it went in latin but the translation was.... weither she say yea or nay it delights a girl to be asked.... i think it's true for boys too though lol......... anyway, the point is the feeling is nothing new. it's always been a need/desire of ppl, no matter when or where they lived, always will be. i don't think it's necessarily selfish, just what is, how we are.