Hoping For Change

[lestertheemt]

Not sure is this needs to go here or in "Gospel Discussion" so Mods...please feel free to move.

A little bit of history: I have been inactive for almost three years. The last six monthes I have been attending again, when my work schedule allows. The main reason for the inactivity is that it simply hurt too much to go. My dh and I have struggled with our inability to not have kids and attending church was just another reminder of what we didn't have. I simply had the choice to go to church and come home heart broken and tearful. So I simply stopped going.

My husband recently put in an application in Colorado. I would have the chance to continue my education which is something that I have felt very compelled that I NEED to do. Plus there are other benefits of being there.

Here is my dilemma..................I am scared to pray about it. I know it sounds silly but I am scared to do it. I have prayed so hard and so long to be a mother and still can't tell you if I ever rc'd an answer. Here I am wanting this change and I am scared because it seems that the things I want most I simply can't have.

So..............there you have it.

:confused::confused:

[Tarnished]

I know where you are coming from. My husband and I have been struggling for almost 9 years now to have children. I know how difficult it is to go to church on Sunday and see the children, most of our married life we have been called to the Primary, or Nursery. I know what it is like to have sisters come up and ask why we have not had children yet, or other members make comments. And last August my younger sister, six years younger than me, had the first grandchild for my parents. It is difficult, but there is hope. There is the option of adoption, and I am sure that if we do not have children in this life then we will be able to raise children in the next (as in during the millenium).

From your post it sounds like you are afraid to pray for guidance on whether you and your husband should move to Colorado, which gives you the opportunity to go back to school. If I am incorrect on this please let me know. If I am correct then here is my opinion.

From my experiences Jesus and our Heavenly Father love us, and they want the best for us. I see my husband and my struggles with infertility to be a test from Heavenly Father to see how we will do. It is a difficult trial, it really is, but I believe that if we are faithful that he will bless us. It may not be the particular blessing we were looking for, but he will bless us. Even in this potential move, he wants the best for you and your husband. Pray about it without fear, and take some time to listen. Meditate on the scriptures and on your prayers, don't say them and get up right away, wait and listen. Sometimes we don't immediately get an answer, sometimes we don't get an answer we recognize, sometimes it comes through what happens rather than what we feel.

I wish you the best in everything and hope that you are able to find solace and comfort.

[Misshalfway]

Hello Les, my dear. Remember that prayer isn't necessarily about getting what we want. But I do think that God is very interested in what we want and very interested in helping us make the best decisions for our lives as we share our needs with Him.

I know that God doesn't remove pain sometimes. Maybe that is because pain is one of our greatest teachers. It expands our better nature in ways that nothing else can. I have even see Him turn the most searing pain and misfortune into something wonderful that blesses the lives of others.

Don't be afraid to pray. Father wants to know how we feel and why we want the things we do. And He does talk back. He opens our minds to new visions and wider views and He does it in His way and in His own timing. He helps us to travel the roads we perhaps don't want to travel and He gives us the very experiences we need to grow.

Tell Father about your wishes. Tell Him about your fears and remember who the author of fear is. Ask Him to help you talk to Him from your heart and to have faith in His wisdom as He directs your life. He understands. He knows. He gets it. I guarantee that! He knows the depth of the pain. He knows what it is like to carry burdens those around you don't understand and fail to express sensitivity for. He knows YOU. He knows what you need and He is waiting to bless you in abundance!

Remember the laws of heaven. Remember that obedience precedes blessings and that sometimes God gives opportunities and eager invitations for us to obey so that He can open the windows of Heaven for us and bless us with our righteous desires. And then, after you exercise your faith in prayer, relax your heart in patience and faith as you let Father order and provide in your life. His ways are better than our ways. His results inside of our natures are better than anything we could do alone. Dispute not because you don't see it all and sometimes fear to hope. God loves you. He wants the very best for you......which sometimes means that we must pass thru sorrow and disappointment to find.

Hope in this opportunity for your family. There is so much to have hope for! Pray. And then wait for the hand of the Lord to be revealed.

[TruthSeekerToo]

(((hugs)))

Pray about your pain. Even if your blubber through the entire thing. Pray through your fear. It can be hard to let your wall down, but it will help you so much.

I struggled with secondary infertility and 2 miscarriages. I'm not going to pretend to know the depth of your pain, but I do share a little of it. It sucks! It hurts! It can be really, really hard.

But, Colorado rocks! You would totally love it here.

[lestertheemt]

Thanks for all the words..............

I am actually doing rather well with the whole infertility thing. It has just affected my faith to the point of being able to pray. I lack the faith.....I lack the desire. I have the attitude that of "it is just me" why on earth would He (Heavenly Father) care about me. Before you say anything I KNOW....He knows me, He Loves Me, He wants whats best for me...................hmmm don't think so. Don't get me wrong..............I love Him, I honor Him. I know that this is His gospel.

Yes Colorado does rock!!! I lived and went to school there for a short time and absolutely loved it!