I want to treat my family better.

[MissyP]

I want to treat my family better. I've found that I'm quite selfish anymore and sometimes down right mean. I live with my mother and eight year old sister and would really like to create good memories for my sister as her childhood is not going to last much long.

So I've been making an effort to do better, but every time I try I feel like the things I say and do are so incredibly fake, like I'm just doing it to make myself look better and not because I mean them, even though it's exactly how I want to behave. I also feel guilty if I express my less than stellar opinions honestly.

Do you think being a better person will become more natural over time, the more I practise it? Do you think it's possible to actually change myself as I continue to work towards this goal?

Any advice would be nice.

[slabbing]

I can completely identify with what you're saying! The mind intellectually understands how we should behave, but the heart is not always right there with it!

To answer your questions, yes and yes. It does take time and practice, but I believe it is also possible to achieve fundamental change in our natures as people (i.e. I'm not doomed to be a certain way, just because "that's the way I am"). Relationships are everything in life and seem to be the source of just about all conflict and heartache! The key is to learn about the Savior and how the Atonement helps us become better people.

There's way too much that could be said on this topic for a forum setting such as this, but here's one thing that's helped me: Do some kind of evaluation of yourself and ask yourself how much do you rely on self-sufficiency? If you find yourself trying to overcome your weaknesses with iron-jawed willpower, over and over again, and you have these cycles of success and failure, there's a good chance you trust too much in your own limited, mortal strength (and not enough in Christ). When I came to this realization recently of how much I do this, doors to the Savior and the Atonement swung open like you wouldn't believe. Bottom line: we can't overcome our weaknesses on our own without His enabling power!

I will say this, though - it usually takes a fair amount of time for most of us to come to this realization. It's a swing of the pendulum from one side to the other -> when the pain of the solution (Christ's way) finally becomes less than the pain of the problem. Until we've come to that point, it seems like the harder, more unrealistic way than just dealing with things on our own (the pain of the problem still elss than that of the solution). So, I guess, in some ways, the countless times we strike out trying things on our own the hard way are all still a part of the plan in driving us to the Savior. No matter how long it takes, as long as we find ourselves there at that end destination, we'll have succeeded and found peace! Hope that helps and makes sense.

[Misshalfway]

I want to treat my family better. I've found that I'm quite selfish anymore and sometimes down right mean. I live with my mother and eight year old sister and would really like to create good memories for my sister as her childhood is not going to last much long.

So I've been making an effort to do better, but every time I try I feel like the things I say and do are so incredibly fake, like I'm just doing it to make myself look better and not because I mean them, even though it's exactly how I want to behave. I also feel guilty if I express my less than stellar opinions honestly.

Do you think being a better person will become more natural over time, the more I practise it? Do you think it's possible to actually change myself as I continue to work towards this goal?

Any advice would be nice.

I love the idea of practicing. I think it is a great step. Of course you can change! We all can. And it sounds like you have desire. Don't underestimate the power of desire. It is one of the most essential parts of change. And remember too that our Savior is the one who really does the best work on character changes. Invite him into your process and try doing things his way. As you read the scriptures, he will teach your deeper parts and you will find power to act in the ways you desire.

[spiritseeker]

I believe you are on the right track. Sometimes when we don't feel like doing something and force ourselves to do it . We may feel phony but God knows that we are doing it from the right place and He rewards that. Just talk to Heavenly Father and tell him exactly what you have said to us. He really does understand and He loves you for trying. Be gentle with yourself. Okay???:)