Advice

[Jonathan18]

I need advice I have a friend who is addicted to pornography how can I help him?

[Misshalfway]

You can encourage your friend to get help. That means going to the bishop (if they are LDS), getting into a 12 stepper, and possibly getting a therapist if the situation is serious enough.

[rameumptom]

In many areas, the Church has an addiction recovery program. It is an awesome program, which I help out with on occasion for friends who have running the program as their calling.

Addiction Recovery Program

[LDSVALLEY]

Having had a couple of friends into porn and talking with another who is a councilor for addictions realize this is a real issue. Most people think you simply stop watching and that is it. As one told me it is like being an alcoholic. The more he trys to abstain the more images and thoughts appear in his brain. It took him along time to realize he had a problem and it was very hard for him to quit (not a member btw) Our brains are stimulated by chemical reactions. The images and sounds and writings stimulate the brain and cause temporary highs just like booze and drugs. But when you immerse yourself in it day after day your brain process comes to crave the stimulus.

And of course the more you engage in it the more normal it becomes. Then to get the high again you need to either increase the amount or the intensity of the experience by seeking out the next level. Previous to the internet it was not as common for people to become addicts as movies, books, magazines were pretty tame pre 1990's. With the internet it has become a huge business and to keep the money coming in the pornography industry has gone to extreme ends to "entertain" its clients.

The process is the same for most addictions. They need to admit they have a problem. Depending on the depth of the control they may need professional help to beat this. One friend admits he is addicted but doesn't want to stop, his wife does it as well go figure, he once told me he has over 1500 gigabytes of the stuff. The other managed without professional help but it took him months to get the images and desire out of his mind.

As far as I know he never told his wife about it because he did not want to lose his marriage and felt he would. But it also provided him the motivation to stop. He made sure he was never alone in the house around the computer, he moved the computer to a high traffic area (for the prevention of his kids getting into stuff on the net was his excuse). He said he fought it for months, going with little sleep, having erotic dreams for weeks, images would appear whenever he was not careful to guard his thoughts, he was focused so much on this private battle his relationship became strained with his spouse. Had massive headaches etc.

I don't get the chance to talk to him much these last few years due to a move but last time we touched on this subject he said he had been clean for a long time. His relationship with his family was much better. He no longer was working through a veil of guilt and fear but one of love and commitment. During times of passion it was now about the passion of the moment, the loving bond then the action or attempting to recreate what he had seen.

The church has many programs that can help member or not but many members try and avoid it because seeing the Bishop on this one can lead to loss of membership which can tear families apart. Members should seek help from the church leadership but if they choose not to then make sure they have someone to turn to.

Having been on the friend side at least I know how much they need someone to turn to, who will not condone or condemn them but will support them. This can mean dropping what you plan to do to visit so they are not alone and tempted etc. If you want to help them and they want help then take time to look for information on it. The worst failing is people do not realize how addicting it is and how it changes the brains thought processes. If you don't get that then you can't help nor can they beat it. If they are willing turn to God often. Have them carry hymns or uplifting music, watch uplifting movies etc, read scripture or other good books. Do hobbies or find a project. They will feel powerless or down on themselves find small victories for them. Finishing needed work, taking up a new hobby, or a class etc.

One thing a past Stake President said was very sound advise. Each of us is an actor on the stage of life. We can only be one character at a time. Is the character on your stage one you'd like to see? If not fire him, in your mind create a job application, become that requirement and put him on the stage.

I did this for better communicating with my family especially when stressed and it worked wonders. When I find I am a character who is getting frustrated I fire him and hire a kind person who deals with others first. While not perfect I am better.

I also found the 7 habits of highly effective families series of books by Steven Covey to be very inspiring and helpful with many trials in life. Main point is we plot a course just as an airplane. The plane will be off course slightly most of the trip but because the pilots focus on the final destination the plane will arrive, it will make many many small course corrections but it will get there. If your friend sets a course he will be all over the place but if he keeps moving forward using the tools and knowledge available to him he can make it to what destination he wants.

[Guest]

It's your friend? Not you? Then PM threepercent. :)

[MaMeeshkaMow]

Advice: Pray in the morning, in the day, at night coupled with scripture reading. That helps the "spiritual" aspect of your life. Next: Mental. Read good books, play sudoku, engage the mind in worthwhile and worthywhile activities. Physical: Exercise and sweat doing it! I think when you take care of these areas of your life in this way, you gain confidence and break cycles of boredom.

[Bini]

I agree with, MaMeeshkaMow.

Idle time makes for idle minds, which, can lead to getting yourself into trouble.. A good way to help prevent and overcome porn addiction is to keep yourself preoccupied with healthy mental and physical stimulus activities. If you're trying to help a loved one or friend kick porn addiction, you can use the same approach and get them out of the house and away from the computer. Find an activity that both of you can do together that's enjoyable and that can possibly replace their vice. It may not be a cure but it's a start. Gotta break that cycle..

[Jonathan18]

The problem is that his dad wants him to watch the stuff because he says it will make him a man and that he'll be popular if he watches it. He (my friend) is catholic and won't tell his padre about it because he's ashamed about it. I asked him why he thinks Jesus died for us if he (my friend) won't at least pray about it he hasn't answerd me yet. What else should I tell/ask him?

I'm a Priest 5 days from my 18th birthday and 9 days from becoming an Elder I hope.