I need advice about my friend...

[groovygirl92]

Well I have this friend who I haven't see in a long time, but I've been texting and IMing him. He is lds, but now he wants to become bi. I don't know what to say to him. He is sitting on the fence and trying to decide whether to act on it or not. I've had long conversations with him about if he decides to go through with this what the consequences will be. I need help with this situation. What should I do????

[Gwen]

he wants to become bi? not sure i understand how that works or what the situation is.... is he curious and wants to try out other "experiences" or does he think he might be bi and wants to see where that road may lead?

in your situation there are a lot of factors that would influence the advise i'd give ... the questions i've already asked along with ... how old is he... what is the logic behind the decision.... does he understand the consequences (good and bad)... is he prepared to live with them..... where is his testimony with the church.... is that testimony stronger or weaker than what it's been in the past.... why the change....

depending on the variables of the situation i personally if it were my friend could be doing anything from discouraging the decision to wishing him well on the path he chooses and being there as a friend. the decision he's facing may not be an easy one for him and in the end he'll need a friend there at his side. i tend to be that friend (sometimes to my own detriment but it's who i am i guess lol).

[Vanhin]

Continue to be his friend, but that doesn't mean that you encourage or accept his bad decisions as "okay". If he intends to act on his bi-sexual tendencies, it will be serious transgression and the road back will be thorny. As his friend, advise him like you would someone contemplating fornication or adultery, or any kind of sexual relations outside the limits God has set.

Regards,

Vanhin

[sleepless3977]

everything that Vanhin posted is spot on in my opinion

[groovygirl92]

he wants to become bi? not sure i understand how that works or what the situation is.... is he curious and wants to try out other "experiences" or does he think he might be bi and wants to see where that road may lead?

in your situation there are a lot of factors that would influence the advise i'd give ... the questions i've already asked along with ... how old is he... what is the logic behind the decision.... does he understand the consequences (good and bad)... is he prepared to live with them..... where is his testimony with the church.... is that testimony stronger or weaker than what it's been in the past.... why the change....

depending on the variables of the situation i personally if it were my friend could be doing anything from discouraging the decision to wishing him well on the path he chooses and being there as a friend. the decision he's facing may not be an easy one for him and in the end he'll need a friend there at his side. i tend to be that friend (sometimes to my own detriment but it's who i am i guess lol).

So, he's always been a bit on the weird side. My impression is he really wants attention. He's about 16. I've explained to him that if he follows through with this he can never really go back. What's done is done. He says he is prepared to live with them. He said he went to EFY and said it was a spiritual experience. I asked him how he could deny it and he said he can make himself feel that way anytime He said his parents are making him go to church and he doesn't like to go at all. He keeps telling me that he hasn't acted on it yet and he probably won't, but he is seriously thinking about it. He's been telling me that he likes this guy and really wants to get to know him better. I just don't know what to do... He lives far away so the only time I talk to him is through texting and IMing.

[Elgama]

is he gay? and feeling insecure about himself so is hedging his bets because being LDS its the last thing in the world he wants to feel?

[Gwen]

i guess not having ever seriously questioned my sexual preferences i'm not really in a position to say.... but is this just a case of 16 yr old hormones running wild? when someone goes through a drastic hormone change (teens would qualify lol) it's not uncommon for them to have sexual urges of every nature. it's the body's way of wanting to experience it all and figure things out. before we lived in a world where someone would have odd (for lack of a better word) desires and they would be embarrassed, they would hide them, would not indulge them in any way and evenutally they would get past or sort through them and find the right path. now there is so much sexuality thrown at us from a young age, healthy and perverse that when kids have odd desires they read to much into it, they indulge them, etc. i honestly think it makes things more confusing.

given what you've said (specifically about the distance between you) i would encourage him to take it slow, take time to really figure out who he is before he acts on it. and be there, he's going to make the choice he's going to make. you can say you don't agree with it and still be a good friend. at least i think you can.... maybe i should ask some friends about how well i do with that goal. lol

[FairChild]

It's ok to say I love you and care about you, but I admit that to follow through or do this is a choice I can not approve of. Let him know that your friendship is important to you as well as he is.

[Elgama]

if he needs some support am happy to help if he is gay its going to be incredibly confusing and frightening for him, best you can do is love him and be his friend through right and wrong choices. I think it is better these days we can talk, its better than the misery some previous generations went through. My best friend is gay and last thing on Earth he wanted to be, he did not make a big deal out of it but at times I was scared he was going to kill himself, its still a source of a lot of depression for him, he would never have worked it through in silence the misery would have just grown, I am glad that when he was down and when he struggles he can turn to me

Its hard to tell from a small post but if he was bi, it wouldn't affect his standing in the church and he wouldn't need to push away like he is doing to discover himself.