Question about temple marriage

[kc247]

I know there are a lot of questions about this type of thing but I wanted to ask specific things.

So I'm 20 yrs old & I'm dating a really great guy as of recently, he's the first member I've ever dated, he's an RM and is wonderful. Anyways, in the past I haven't always obeyed church standards or made great decisions. Mostly regarding the law of chastity. I regret it completely & as of lately, especially with the good influence of this guy, I've been going to church all the time, reading my scriptures daily, praying daily, etc. I feel like I'm meant to be with this guy. We get along great & have so much in common. The only thing is I haven't told him about my past (we haven't been dating long, and it's never came up) I don't really feel that it's anything he needs to know about right now, but he would in the future. The only thing I'm worried about is if we ever got married (i know its far fetched but i still think about it), and he assumes that I'm worthy to be married in the temple and then I tell him about my past.. I'm worried that he won't want me anymore. Especially if it would mean putting off a temple marriage because of MY mistakes. I don't think he deserves that.

In a way I feel like I'm supposed to be with him.. I've never been so happy before and I'm finally making good choices.

I know that I have to go to the bishop, I'm planning on that soon. I should have done it a long time ago but I kept putting it off. I'm just worried about being judged, etc.

I guess my main question is.. how long after going to the bishop would I have to wait to go to the temple? Is it a year minimum, even though I've been doing good things for quite awhile? Or does it depend on what the bishop thinks? I've been working on repenting and I finally feel like my life is back on track. & I guess I'm just worried about losing this guy when he discoveres how I used to be. It's not like I lied about it, it just never came up in conversation and he has never asked. He could have his pick of girls at our ward, I just don't want him to find out and say 'cya later' and go find another one who's better. I would much rather wait to get married in the temple, than have a civil marriage first & then get sealed. (I feel crazy talking about marriage this soon, we've never discussed it at all.. it's just been on my mind)

Sorry for the long post, it's just a lot to explain.

[john doe]

If it gets that serious, then he should know. If he can't accept the fact that you have sinned in the past and repented, then that's his problem. Would you really want to be with a man who will never accept someone else's repentance?

[Guest]

I know there are a lot of questions about this type of thing but I wanted to ask specific things.

So I'm 20 yrs old & I'm dating a really great guy as of recently, he's the first member I've ever dated, he's an RM and is wonderful. Anyways, in the past I haven't always obeyed church standards or made great decisions. Mostly regarding the law of chastity. I regret it completely & as of lately, especially with the good influence of this guy, I've been going to church all the time, reading my scriptures daily, praying daily, etc. I feel like I'm meant to be with this guy. We get along great & have so much in common. The only thing is I haven't told him about my past (we haven't been dating long, and it's never came up) I don't really feel that it's anything he needs to know about right now, but he would in the future. The only thing I'm worried about is if we ever got married (i know its far fetched but i still think about it), and he assumes that I'm worthy to be married in the temple and then I tell him about my past.. I'm worried that he won't want me anymore. Especially if it would mean putting off a temple marriage because of MY mistakes. I don't think he deserves that.

In a way I feel like I'm supposed to be with him.. I've never been so happy before and I'm finally making good choices.

I know that I have to go to the bishop, I'm planning on that soon. I should have done it a long time ago but I kept putting it off. I'm just worried about being judged, etc.

I guess my main question is.. how long after going to the bishop would I have to wait to go to the temple? Is it a year minimum, even though I've been doing good things for quite awhile? Or does it depend on what the bishop thinks? I've been working on repenting and I finally feel like my life is back on track. & I guess I'm just worried about losing this guy when he discoveres how I used to be. It's not like I lied about it, it just never came up in conversation and he has never asked. He could have his pick of girls at our ward, I just don't want him to find out and say 'cya later' and go find another one who's better. I would much rather wait to get married in the temple, than have a civil marriage first & then get sealed. (I feel crazy talking about marriage this soon, we've never discussed it at all.. it's just been on my mind)

Sorry for the long post, it's just a lot to explain.

I'm pretty sure it's going to come up before the marriage thing comes up. If it doesn't, then you'll have to bring it up before you accept a marriage proposal.

But, since you're still newly dating, I would concentrate on being an upstanding "me" now. Get that thing resolved by going to your bishop as soon as possible. Even if there was no guy, this is something you should do for yourself anyway.

Good luck.

[WillowTheWhisp]

Had you ever been to the temple before? It can take longer if you have but the only person really in a position to guide you on this is your Bishop. You will feel so much better about it when you know you are on your way to temple worthyness.

[kc247]

No, I've never been to the temple.

The only problem about going to the bishop is that I live somewhere where the church is not big at all. I'm living away from home for school, but I move back home in a few months..... and my father is the bishop at home. I really really don't want him to find out about the things I've done. If I had to talk to him how much detail would I have to tell him? I would rather go to the bishop at my ward here.. but since it's a longer process than a few months I would technically have to go to my bishop at home.

My father has no idea about anything I've done that hasn't been good. I don't want him to be disapointed in me.

[HiJolly]

No, I've never been to the temple.

The only problem about going to the bishop is that I live somewhere where the church is not big at all. I'm living away from home for school, but I move back home in a few months..... and my father is the bishop at home. I really really don't want him to find out about the things I've done. If I had to talk to him how much detail would I have to tell him? I would rather go to the bishop at my ward here.. but since it's a longer process than a few months I would technically have to go to my bishop at home.

My father has no idea about anything I've done that hasn't been good. I don't want him to be disapointed in me.

I recommend you go right away to your current bishop. I would only tell your boyfriend if A- he asks and you know he'll keep your secrets or B- he starts really getting personal in your conversations AND you know he'll keep your secrets.

But go to the bishop sooner than later, especially if he's used to working with Young Adults. My 2 cents.

HiJolly

[Islander]

No, I've never been to the temple.

The only problem about going to the bishop is that I live somewhere where the church is not big at all. I'm living away from home for school, but I move back home in a few months..... and my father is the bishop at home. I really really don't want him to find out about the things I've done. If I had to talk to him how much detail would I have to tell him? I would rather go to the bishop at my ward here.. but since it's a longer process than a few months I would technically have to go to my bishop at home.

My father has no idea about anything I've done that hasn't been good. I don't want him to be disapointed in me.

Difficult as it sounds, you have to resolve this issue before it gets a LOT more complicated. You have to overcome your desire to save face and not being embarrassed on account of your past transgression. Yes it is difficult but it should point to the fact that all sin has consequence and it is unavoidable.

Go to your bishop now and deal with this. Yes, it may be difficult, yes you will feel embarrassed, yes it may cost you the relationship but it will be resolved and you will not have to carry they weight of it any longer. On account of true repentance the Lord will not behold future blessings.

[WillowTheWhisp]

You may find out that it's easier than you think.

[phatbac]

go to the bishop...he will help you forgive youself and help you understand the the forgiveness of our heavenly father. when it comes up your boyfriend will probably understand, if he does then he isnt all that and a bag of chips like you say.

[kc247]

Thanks guys. I'm going to really really push myself to talk to the bishop this upcoming Sunday.

I feel like everything will fall into place. I'm a really firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If I'm supposed to be with this guy in the end, then he will understand and forgive me for my past. If he doesn't... then I wasn't supposed to end up with him in the first place.

That's just how I look at it anyway.

[WillowTheWhisp]

:) Sounds like you will be making a great new start.

[gwoods]

my name is gordon. while serving as a bishop i wrote this paper to help several in the ward that were struggle the way you are. please read it and see how important marriage is.

Is it good to be alone?

It seems that everyone, given the choice, wants companionship. In fact, the question posed by the title of this chapter brings to the heart of those that have given it sufficient thought, a dread ranking second to few other fears. In the arena of normal relationships being without a spouse is akin to the loneliness of solitary confinement. President Gordon B. Hinckley speaking of the doctrine of eternal marriage, the only permanent antidote for being alone, said: “I think that if we had the capacity to teach effectively this one doctrine, it would capture the interest of millions of husbands and wives who love one another and who love their children, but whose marriage is in effect only "until death do you part."

Marriage is universal, except in rare cases everyone marries. Most of us have no desire to be alone; we are not content except as a couple. Marriage is all-important and yet every wedding ceremony includes the statement: “until death do you part”? What does this termination clause mean and how did it become part of these legal contracts? Surely those that “love one another” will still be married after death?

Questions like these reflect the uneasiness of this great Christian mystery: why did God, in Genesis 2, declare; “It is not good that the man should be alone;” and then, during His mortal ministry, teach that men and women will not be married after the resurrection? For all that profess to be Christian, the following verses, from the bible, must be accepted as the Lord’s law regarding marriage.

Matt. 22:29 Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. 30 For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

Mark 12:25 For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.

Luke 20:34 And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: 35 But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:

When asked, “whose wife shall she be”, the Savior’s answer was that after the resurrection she wouldn’t be married to anyone. His answer, recorded three times in the New Testament, instituted what eventually became the termination cause, “until death do you part,” in marriage ceremonies.

There are some that “err, not knowing the scriptures,” who take it upon themselves to create a God, of their own design. They say, “God won’t separate my family because we love each other,” they are satisfied that marriage by earthly authority, in spite of these verses, will be recognized by the Lord. They are convinced that a loving God would never separate married couples that love each other.

Take a few minutes and ponder each of these questions:

o Have you ever felt concern about being alone forever?

From childhood, visions of future options revolved around one constant; marriage, plans fail, goals change but the intent to marry was never permanently cancelled. Marriage is never intended to be temporary, but even following the unhappiness of a divorce it once again finds its way back to the top of our priority list. In the book of Matthew we read: “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh;” only in marriage do we find that sense of being complete. All are born and grow to adulthood feeling that until they’re married they’re not quite whole.

o Do thoughts about your own future hinge on the dread of being alone?

In spite of the hard work, the challenges, and the occasional disappointments associated, even with good marriages, men and women devote their whole life to preserving these covenant relationships.

o Do these New Testament scriptures make being alone forever inevitable?

We all know older couples that, as they approach the end of their lives together, cling to each other for dear life. Because of their love for one another and the dread of being alone, they willingly expend all their combined resources to delay the inevitable separation.

o In the light of these questions, do you fear anything more than being alone …forever?

As members of the Lord’s church we often speak of going back to Heavenly Father’s presence. We talk and teach and think eternal marriage but we seldom even consider being eternally alone. We really have no way of knowing anything about living in the presence of exalted beings, nor do we have, even in the scriptures, a description of what a celestial world will look like but we all know from experience, what being alone feels like. It’s a terrible empty feeling that gets worse the longer it lasts.

These questions, included to provoke thought, when given sincere attention make one shudder at the very thought of the weeping inherent in being alone forever. They bring to mind this sobering realization: either my marriage is forever or it isn’t. Fortunately for mankind Jesus Christ redeemed us not only from death but also from the hell of being “alone”.

Along side the Lord’s law governing civil marriage, stands the biblical key to the doctrine of eternal marriage. Six days before the Savior took Peter, James, and John into a high mountain apart "and was transfigured before them” He promised Peter: “I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven”. Keys to bind; modern inspiration tells us that the keys of Melchizedek Priesthood ordinances were given to Peter, James, and John under the administration of the Savior, Moses, and Elias.

Even those that claim the authority held anciently by Saint Peter don’t profess possession of the power to perform marriages that will be valid beyond this mortal life. More questions: if marriage covenants are binding after death why then did Jesus teach that they weren’t, why is there a termination statement in all-wedding ceremonies, and why did the Lord deem it necessary to bestow the authority to “bind …in heaven”, upon His apostles? If the Lord truly values families and patriarchal lineage, which is really the theme of the Bible, then wouldn’t He, in spite of His New Testament teachings, provide a means to “bind” families together forever. Is there any way for our marriages here to be, “bound in heaven”? The answer is yes; the Savior was speaking of the power to “bind” in this life for the life to come. The authority to “bind on earth” is the priesthood authority given to the Mortal Messiah’s chief apostles to seal couples and their children together “in heaven.”

But, what of those that won’t believe the words spoken by the Lord, are they to be separated forever at death? The thought of marriages being dissolved seems harsh and unloving until we understand that the Lord in his love for mankind, by the power of the atonement, has restored the priesthood authority to, if accepted, seal husbands and wives together forever. Eternal marriage is an essential part of the Lord’s plan of salvation.

For the countless ages of our pre-mortal existence we were all separate single individuals. As we prepared for our mortal sojourn here on earth we must have anxiously looked forward to possessing this body and to the countless sensations associated with a physical existence. I submit that more than anything else we anticipated that great day when we could finally become a couple; when we would be flesh, not “twain, but one flesh.” We lived for millennia in the presence of our Heavenly father and other glorified beings of flesh and bone; we witnessed first hand an exalted existence and yearned to experience the “fullness of joy” we saw in their lives, and because we brought these pre-mortal longings with us; we came to earth, literally wired to be a couple. I would further submit that when we leave this life our desire for companionship will not only go with us, but because of our mortal experiences, it will now be stamped into our very being.

We came to earth with the promise that, if accepted, the Lord’s plan would allow us to return to his presence and spend eternity sealed to someone we love. The plan has never been to dissolve marriages between couples that love each other. From before time He has provided the means, in his Kingdom, for marriages to be eternal. However, if by choice, the plan with its associated covenants is rejected our fate is to return to the single separate pre-mortal condition we came from; in the mortal Christ’s own words: “they neither marry, nor are given in marriage”. He was speaking of anyone that has been married, in this earthly kingdom, by earthly authority only. The scriptures are clear that this “being alone” will be forever.

Modern scripture provides true doctrine about the consequences of marriages performed by earthly authority only. Note the correlation with the New Testament scriptures: ”therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she with him, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead… 16 Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels… 17 For these angels did not abide my law; therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation… Joseph Fielding Smith interprets ancient and modern scripture, regarding marriage performed by earthly authority, with this warning: Unless young people who marry outside the temple speedily repent, they cut themselves off from exaltation in the celestial kingdom of God… …When they marry outside of the temple, they cut themselves off. If they are content with that kind of marriage outside, when they come forth in the resurrection, they have no claim upon each other, or their children upon them, and there will be weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. The Lord further decreed: "Except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory"

Love for my wife, Christine, and my desire to spend eternity with her keeps the future in an eternal perspective. I think we could easily, in the verse, “it is not good that the man should be alone,” replace the words “not good” with the word, dreadful. I hope this dread, of a future without the love of my life, is part of the broken heart the Lord requires of me. Along with the prospect of being forever “alone” comes, sober contrition and an urgency to “do what ever it takes” to avoid it.

The Savior established Priesthood authority anciently and it has now been restored again to the earth. One of its purposes is to seal husbands and wives together forever. Like mankind in all previous dispensations, we are given choices. The choices are: a “fullness of joy” or to be “alone” forever, great care must be taken as these choices have eternal consequences.

So, is it good to be alone, forever? The answer, from an eternal perspective, is no. Can this being alone be avoided, forever? The answer, from an eternal perspective, is yes.