Franken Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Does anyone here have a family that's quote unquote perfect? Like what I mean by that is that you don't have really any relatives or brothers or sisters who have kind of gone astray from the gospel. I've just been noticing lately as I get closer to my friends that there seems to always be a part of their families that isn't so perfect as they all seem. Anyone have a contingency? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisajo Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Originally posted by Franken@Nov 20 2005, 03:11 PMDoes anyone here have a family that's quote unquote perfect? Like what I mean by that is that you don't have really any relatives or brothers or sisters who have kind of gone astray from the gospel. I've just been noticing lately as I get closer to my friends that there seems to always be a part of their families that isn't so perfect as they all seem. Anyone have a contingency?←Franken, I think most family's are not perfect no matter what relgion they are, Everyone has their ups and downs in family life, I know with my family (growing up) we all were great members of the LDS church, as we got older some went astray, a few came back, Doesnt mean of course that i love them any less Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DisRuptive1 Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Even if they all go to church and are nice people, that doesn't make them perfect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Member_Deleted Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 You want a contingency plan... about what to do with non-perfect families? LOVE THEM..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LDSister Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Perfectionism is codependency. There are no perfect ppl on the face of the earth. Those who dwelt on earth who were perfect, were translated! Since there are no perfect ppl on the earth, there can be no perfect families. We can strive to "be ye therefore perfect"; if we give our very best, that is attaining perfection in this life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josie Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Franken, we know that none of us are perfect, family or individual wise. That is a big part of our coming to earth, to learn to be perfect. It is something that we will never obtain in this life, but a goal we are constantly working toward, hopefully. As far as our families... The Lord has promised us that if we bring them up in the gospel, holding our family home evenings, and doing all that we can to teach them the gospel and his will, and do it ourselves, as much as possible, that they will not be lost. Several general authorities have spoken on that and I am sure you can find their talks on lds.org. There are alot of great talks there... Remember, the Lord gave us repentance (the eraser of our imperfections) and step by step, we work toward perfection. We love our family and friends in and out of the church and we pray for them and are there to set the example for them and strengthen them and encourage them. Don't be disheartened in what you see in our families. Even God the Father saw 1/3 of his spirit children leave and follow Satan. God gave us our free agency to give us the opportunity to grow and willing be obedient to his counsel. The rewards are there, we have to be willing to work for them and we love those which have chosen another path right now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 There are no perfect families. I raised my children in the church and all but one are no longer going to church. I struggle every day with how to nurture them and I have found that I just stand fast in what I believe and they will either come around or learn to deal with that. In other words they wanted me to accept their sins (situations) and I refuse to do that but I tell them that I still love them. It is a hard stance to take but I am true to the Gospel and if my children return to the Lord it will be a happy day for me. If not it is by their choice and I still love them even though I will not openly support what they are doing. I think that if I openly support them I am giving them a very mixed signal. I do however love them anyway. I pray for them and I worry about them daily. That is all that I have in my power to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Originally posted by Tammy@Nov 21 2005, 10:44 AMIf not it is by their choice and I still love them even though I will not openly support what they are doing. I think that if I openly support them I am giving them a very mixed signal. Yeah...your church is more important than your children. Great signal... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Jason, It is not my love for the church but my love of the Lord and I still love my children. I just choose to set an example for them. I will not however invite my daughter's live in boyfriend who is 20 years older that her to my house for Thanksgiving. She is welcome to come. My son is coming home and he and I have issues with trust. My oldest daughter will be here and she is married to a non member and I treat him like part of the family. My middle daughter is a member who was disfellowshipped and has since been reinstated. I do alot for her and her husband is a non member also. Where do you get off judging me!! Four of my childern are adopted special needs children and have issues that I have dealt with for years. Unless you walk in my shoes I suggest you reserve judgement.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 In other words ---I choose to love the person and not the sin..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josie Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Originally posted by Tammy@Nov 21 2005, 11:00 AMJason,Unless you walk in my shoes I suggest you reserve judgement....←Tammy, I think all of us need to take that advice and stop judging others or what they are saying. Our forums are for the expression of opinion and one's opinion is as important as nothers. Let's accept one another and their opinions and be thanksful we have a place to share ideas and maybe grow alittle bit ourselves through the sharing of those opinions.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LDSister Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Sharing our opinions is one thing...being attacked for our beliefs is another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 I felt that I was personally attacked by Jason... I have been through a great deal of pain with my adopted children as well as my daughter. They have free agency though and I accept that---I do love them but I wouldn't condone inappropriate behavior from anyone outside of the family so I will not condone it in my own family. The kids know what is right and wrong and they know how I feel about it. We just don't discuss those things they are doing unless they bring them up. I just don't invite the negative spirit in my home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LDSister Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Originally posted by Tammy@Nov 21 2005, 12:00 PMI felt that I was personally attacked by Jason... I have been through a great deal of pain with my adopted children as well as my daughter. They have free agency though and I accept that---I do love them but I wouldn't condone inappropriate behavior from anyone outside of the family so I will not condone it in my own family. The kids know what is right and wrong and they know how I feel about it. We just don't discuss those things they are doing unless they bring them up. I just don't invite the negative spirit in my home.←_______________________Tammy, you needn't be attacked in this forum. There is an ignore function here that you can use, if you feel that certain ppl are in attack mode. Just click on the persons name, and add them to your ignore list. Then sit back and enjoy the peace and quiet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 _______________________Tammy, you needn't be attacked in this forum. There is an ignore function here that you can use, if you feel that certain ppl are in attack mode. Just click on the persons name, and add them to your ignore list. Then sit back and enjoy the peace and quiet. ←Thanks Ari- I had just responed to your post about ignore but I felt I could ignore without officially doing it. Just ignore the response. I guess I hadn't been attacked as you had. I have a better understanding of what you meant now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Originally posted by Tammy@Nov 21 2005, 11:00 AMI will not however invite my daughter's live in boyfriend who is 20 years older that her to my house for Thanksgiving. She is welcome to come. Yeah....that's just what Jesus used to do too. "Hey there," he'd say, "you sinful person, you can't sit at my table...."As I said, that's not a great example. Originally posted by Tammy@Nov 21 2005, 12:00 PMI felt that I was personally attacked by Jason...There goes that persecution complex again. This virus seems to be spreading around the board lately...Anyway, Tammy, it was not a personal attack. It was called the "holy-slap-of-reason". This is your wake-up call. They have free agency though and I accept that---I do love them but I wouldn't condone inappropriate behavior from any outside of the family so I will not condone it in my own family. Inappropriate behavior? Are they serial killers or something? I assume it's something absolutely beyond decency, otherwise you're inventing problems for yourself. The kids know what is right and wrong and they know how I feel about it. ]They may know what you think is right and wrong, but thinking or believing doesn't make it so. We just don't discuss those things they are doing unless they bring them up. I just don't invite the negative spirit in my home. Yeah...denial is a better way to live anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Jason, You have no right to say those things to me--as I said walk a mile in my shoes! I will no longer tolerate your comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LDSister Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Originally posted by Tammy@Nov 21 2005, 12:23 PMJason,You have no right to say those things to me--as I said walk a mile in my shoes!I will no longer tolerate your comments.←____________________You're welcome, Tammy. It works quite well when you use this function. After ignoring someone, you just see this, for example:Post Today, 12:12 PM ConsultantGroup: Open ForumPosts: 2,085 You have chosen to ignore Jason. View this post · Un-ignore Jason Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Originally posted by Tammy@Nov 21 2005, 12:23 PMJason,You have no right to say those things to me--as I said walk a mile in my shoes!I will no longer tolerate your comments.←You have the right to close your eyes, you have the right to be silent, you have the right to alienate your family. Im just sorry for you. Sound's like you're making your family miserable, and you think that it's "best" for them! Originally posted by Tammy I guess we could ignore everyone who doesn't agree with us, but that would make it a dull conversation. I choose to ignore only when I am offended by not responding. I have found that as I get older sometimes I am quick to get offended and it is not necessarily the persons intent. I think you have to give people room for error. (error in judgement)Perhaps you should take your own advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 I have a daughter that has a live in boyfriend. While I don't agree with the living arrangement I love my daughter and want her to be happy. They are invited to our Thanksgiving. I am flying them to my oldest daughters house for Thanksgiving with the family. Out of respect for the parents, my wife and I, my two married daughters are sharing a room at daughters house and my son and my daughters boyfriend are sleeping on the couches. My daughter and her boyfriend do not sleep over at our house. Some day we hope that they will marry and he will want to learn about the church where her parents attend that did not turn their backs on her or shun him because they lived together. I have always been taught to love the sinner and hate the sin. I love my daughter and the man that makes her happy. I don't like the living arrangement but know that I will never have an opportunity to talk or teach him about the gospel if I turn away from them now. It is a good thing that the perfect are not the only ones allowed in church or it would be an empty building. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 You misunderstand --it is not just that they live together, and age difference, this man has been abbusive to my daughter and has psycological dissorders. I am not turning my back on my daughter. We talk and I love her. Would you support this and have it in your house??? I will not put my other family members at risk for attack from him as he has already proven that this is his mo. If she is happy with the present situation then it is out of my hands and all I can do is love her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Tammy, I did not see all that in earlier posts. My daughter was married and in an abusive relationship. We supported her to get out of it. She moved to be near us and has put some of her life back together during that time. If she is in an abusive relationship then she is the one that is going to have to fix it by getting out. From earlier posts all I was able to see what that she was with a guy who was 20 years older and living together and that is what you didn't like. Just sharing with you what I was able to understand from earlier posts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 The abusive part would have been helpful... In this case, abuse is not to be tolerated. I stand corrected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Originally posted by Jason@Nov 21 2005, 01:40 PMThe abusive part would have been helpful...In this case, abuse is not to be tolerated. I stand corrected.←Once again we are quick to judge!!! You couldn't possibly know what is in my heart or what causes my stance unless you knew the last 20 years of my life dealing with these children who have a warped since of the world and are too trusting of others. They are led to do things and be involved in things very quickly and they are learning disabled and do not reason the way you or I do. They don't make good decissions and their judgement lacks reason. They are impulsive and have trouble functioning in a productive capacity. We are not talking about the run of the mill child with knowledge and resourses. They do however understand right and wrong--impulsiveness just gets in the way. Over the years I have been threatened, the back window of my van shot out, had to look for a daughter at the shelter because she was prostituting and I have never turned my back on any of them. I continue to love and support in the best way I can under the circumstances. If you have never wondered if your 21 year old daughter were dead or alive or if your son was taking money from your bank accout at every opportunity with the teller card you gave him to by gas--then you haven't judged me with compassion. I am not a perfect parent and I don't have a perfect family. We are all trying to piece our lives together one day at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Originally posted by Jason@Nov 21 2005, 01:40 PMThe abusive part would have been helpful...In this case, abuse is not to be tolerated. I stand corrected.←Jason,On second look--thanks Jason for this comment. I am not perfect but I do the best I can with my children. I have suffered a great deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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