How to help a friend in serious need?

[dexter]

I am sorry to be asking for more advice, I was hoping to have suggested advice to someone before needing more. Here is the scoop: I have a friend who has been using drugs off and on since about 2003, I have known about her ocassional use for some time, she gets prescriptions from her doctor as well as rummaging through peoples medicine cabinets. I personally know how miserable addiction can be, and how one can be in total denial while in the midst of it, but even when I was in denial, I still knew that I had some sort of problem, even though I justified it as a small issue.

In the past 24 hours her husband has found out that she has been getting a prescription for her son and it appears she has been taking the pills, as the child states that he hasn't taken any medicine. When we have asked her about what medications she is taking, she only tells me she is taking antidepressants and melatonin for sleep. I have tried telling her my story, and still she admits to nothing.

When she is taking the pills, she takes massive amounts and stays awake for days, and then crashes and sleeps for close to a week. During that sleep time she doesnt take care of her children, often leaving it to her husband who works full time or neighbors. Our primary concern at this point is mainly for the children, no child deserves to find their mom dead from an overdose, and the amount of pills and mixture of pills she is taking it is simply a matter of time until she does OD.

I want to help this family out, they have been a huge part of our lives for about a decade and have helped me through horrible times, and I have seen her downward spiral for years. I really dont know what to do at this point, they have met with their bishop, and he suggested counseling, and she has manipulated the counselor, bishop and has tried many times to manipulate me, but as they said in rehab "you cant con a con" so I can usually see through her "stories".

We were planning an intervention, but she has manipulated most of her family and people she knows that almost no one was available. Her family seriously enable her behavior, she gets pills from them. Aside from the intervention we have just tried to have heart to heart talks with her, and have gotten no where.

Sorry for the rambling, we could really use any suggestions any one may have.

[wokie]

As a recovering addict (clean for 21 years last December) you have to hit rock bottom before you can help yourself.

[dazed-and-confused]

right you are, wokie.

and as a recovering addict, i've noticed that my bottom came about several times and each "bottom" got deeper.

[dexter]

My personal bottom came in the form of my husband saying "get help or move out and lose everything", I loved my family too much to lose it all, so I got help. I'm not sure that approach will work with her, she seems to have created her own little world where reality doesnt apply, by that I mean that she thinks her husband is having an affair, and that all her friends are "out to get her". From the research I have done on her drug of choice, that behaviour fits. She has to hit bottom quick before she kills herself or one of her children. It is agonizing to see someone go so far that logic doesnt even make sense to her, it is so sad. I believe the only viable option left at this point is getting the police involved.

[dazed-and-confused]

well, from the paranoia, i'd the the C word, based on my own experience.

being in denial, being secretive and almost constant lying and manipulating are all trademarks of a serious addiction.

i know that it must be hard for you and your friends family, it's tragic, but the fact is your friend has to become aware of this within herself.

interventions have been the first step for many in their recovery, just as yours was. your own intervention came from your husband and you were not too far gone to see the truth of it.

when the family enables, it is really difficult to have an effective intervention for the addict, afterall, some, but not all, but probably enough of the family will be in denial about her problem just as she is.

probably the best you can do is to gather the family that DOES see the problem and coordinate you efforts to get together and nail her down, so to speak.

[dazed-and-confused]

as far as the police go, or for that matter, the intervention itself, you have to expect that she will could and probably will have strong feelings of betrayal. she might also "go along " with things (seemingly) only to fall deeper into the addiction. addicts are master manipulators and liars.

i pray now that she sees what is happening and decides to reach out for help.