Death And Re-marriage

[Maureen]

What would be your reaction if the spouse of a friend or family member had died and within 7 months of that spouse’s death that friend or family member were making plans to remarry?

M.

[BenRaines]

First thought would be that they are very unhappy being alone. Second that maybe the marriage wasn't all that good and so now is on to find happiness.

[Laureltree]

Originally posted by Maureen@Dec 2 2005, 02:46 PM

What would be your reaction if the spouse of a friend or family member had died and within 7 months of that spouse’s death that friend or family member were making plans to remarry?

M.

←

My uncle did that, men move on quicker than woman...it helps then to stay sane....

[Ray]

In addition to what Ben said, I would also wonder about “who” that person was, “who” their spouse was, and whether the person who wants to marry again is a man or a woman.

For instance, if that person is a man and LDS, I would wonder if he had talked with his first wife before she died about marrying again, and how she felt about that.

If that person is a woman and LDS, I would wonder more about how happy she was with her first husband, assuming she knew that she wouldn’t be able to be married to both men forever.

Of course, I would see things differently if that person was not LDS.

And btw, the fact that someone wants to marry again after a spouse dies could simply indicate that they enjoyed being married and want to be married again, perhaps without considering whether or not their second marriage would affect their first.

[Maureen]

Originally posted by BenRaines@Dec 2 2005, 01:48 PM

First thought would be that they are very unhappy being alone.

This could be true.

Second that maybe the marriage wasn't all that good and so now is on to find happiness.

As far as I know the marriage was very happy which produced 7 children, 3 of which are still at home.

Thanks for the input Ben.

M.

[Maureen]

Originally posted by Laureltree@Dec 2 2005, 01:56 PM

My uncle did that, men move on quicker than woman...it helps then to stay sane....

This friend is female and I would think her children would help keep her sane. Thanks LT.

M.

[Maureen]

Originally posted by Ray@Dec 2 2005, 02:08 PM

For instance, if that person is a man and LDS, I would wonder if he had talked with his first wife before she died about marrying again, and how she felt about that.

Friend is female therefore spouse was male (both LDS) - and they talked about the "what if's". What would she do if he died young?

If that person is a woman and LDS, I would wonder more about how happy she was with her first husband, assuming she knew that she wouldn’t be able to be married to both men forever.

She was very happy and has no problem with the fact she is only sealed to the father of her children.

And btw, the fact that someone wants to marry again after a spouse dies could simply indicate that they enjoyed being married and want to be married again, perhaps without considering whether or not their second marriage would affect their first.

That could be true - but what about the respectful tradition of honouring the deceased with a mourning period of at least a year? Does that apply in society anymore?

Thanks Ray.

M.

[lisajo]

Originally posted by Maureen@Dec 2 2005, 12:46 PM

What would be your reaction if the spouse of a friend or family member had died and within 7 months of that spouse’s death that friend or family member were making plans to remarry?

M.

←

Well M i had that happen with a family Member, we were alittle up set, But now things are good with them still after several years, We never could figure out why some one would want to remarry so soon, maybe out of loneliness,

[BenRaines]

Perhaps the fact that she still has three children at home contributes to it as well or is it financial. There could be a lot of things other than companionship.

[Guest ToasterOfen]

My question is: did the husband die suddenly? Or was it a terminal illness?

Especially if they (she and dear departed husband) knew that the end for him was coming, she has had a long time to prepare, and was grieving even before he passed. So for her, 7 months is plenty of time.

If it was sudden, I would say she is very lonely, wondering how she is going to support her 3 remaining children at home, and needing some love and comfort.

[Maureen]

Originally posted by ToasterOfen@Dec 2 2005, 04:14 PM

My question is: did the husband die suddenly? Or was it a terminal illness?

He died suddenly but they both knew during the past 18 months before his death that his health was precarious.

Especially if they (she and dear departed husband) knew that the end for him was coming, she has had a long time to prepare, and was grieving even before he passed.  So for her, 7 months is plenty of time.

If it was sudden, I would say she is very lonely, wondering how she is going to support her 3 remaining children at home, and needing some love and comfort.

All good thoughts Toaster, thanks!

M.

[Maureen]

Originally posted by BenRaines@Dec 2 2005, 03:53 PM

Perhaps the fact that she still has three children at home contributes to it as well or is it financial.  There could be a lot of things other than companionship.

Now that you mention it, her financial situation could play a part that she doesn't want to acknowledge to us family members.

M.

[dontagreeljefe]

Joseph Smith told his brother to go ahead and get married right away. There is nothing wrong with that. I have even heard of stories were a dying spouse told someone to marry soon why shouldnt they.

[Laureltree]

I think its crazy to try to annylize it....She could have been happy in her marriage, but just because you have kids..doesnt mean your life is full. Kids have there own lives and forget how hard it is to be alone. She could have just wanted someone to spend the rest of her time here with on earth, thats not bad........I wouldnt do it, but I'm not everyyone.

I would just be grateful she found happiness and can move on, I would be more worried if she was stuck in a depression cycle.

there are worse things to stress about.

[Maureen]

I think my frustration lies with the fact she spent 26 years with her husband and within 2 months of his death she meets someone via the internet, starts a friendship (which is good), goes to meet him in person and spends 8 days with him and within 4 months of her husbands death agrees to marry this new man. She's explained her feelings to me and I'm all in favour of people moving on with their life - but why in such a hurry to marry so soon. But Ben did mention that her financial situation may play a part in her impatience, which I understand. I just don't want her to look at her 26 year marriage as if its invisible.

Thanks for listening.

M.

[lisajo]

Originally posted by Maureen@Dec 3 2005, 11:54 AM

I think my frustration lies with the fact she spent 26 years with her husband and within 2 months of his death she meets someone via the internet, starts a friendship (which is good), goes to meet him in person and spends 8 days with him and within 4 months of her husbands death agrees to marry this new man. She's explained her feelings to me and I'm all in favour of people moving on with their life - but why in such a hurry to marry so soon. But Ben did mention that her financial situation may play a part in her impatience, which I understand. I just don't want her to look at her 26 year marriage as if its invisible.

Thanks for listening.

M.

←

I can understand you'r conserns, sounds kinda scary to me, and on the internet and all, sounds like she didn't want to face were her life was and just jumped into this relation ship