Military, Missions, & Love

[annamaureen]

I think we can go in circles with all the anecdotes and "personal experiences." Some people in this thread are talking about all the non-RMs who ended up leaving the church and doing bad things. Others are talking about RMs who lived the picture perfect LDS life but ended up leaving the church and doing bad things. Personally, I dated (briefly!) some RMs who tried to feel me up, sent me inappropriate pictures of themselves, didn't wear their garments... doesn't sound very worthy to me!

But I guess my point is that, in regards to the original poster, she needs to evaluate this young man as his own person - and we should all look at RMs and non-RMs alike as individuals with different life experiences, not just lump them all together and make assumptions about them.

[MarginOfError]

Did I miss something here? serving inthe army for 4 years means he's at least 22 and she's 19 - thats 3 years difference. My wife and I have a 6 year difference. 19 is not that young to get maried, especially in the LDS culture and she didn't say she was going to marry him tomorrow.

She may not have said that she's going to marry him tomorrow, but she was clear that she's considering marrying the man. For instance, she starts off setting up the framework that she was raised to have it in her head that it is "crucial to marry an RM."

She also says,

...The qualities he has and his level of respect for me are more important than a title. We are encouraged to seek a mate who has the same goals and seeks temple marriage, and being an RM isn't what should determine this. Though a very great and wonderful thing, sometimes some people have to take other paths to figure out what they want and who they are.

I feel that my parents have issues with me falling in love with someone who isn't an RM, but I strongly feel that there are more important factors to consider when choosing a spouse....

Now, I said nothing about an age difference. I made mention of very real concerns that I would have for my 19 year old daughter marrying an enlisted man.

The standard enlistment is six years. Is he going to reenlist? If yes, how frequently will he be deployed? What are his duties in the military? Is he in intelligence, mechanics, engineering, infantry? What he does in the military has a very drastic effect on his probability of returning alive from deployment.

What if he doesn't plan to reenlist. Does he have plans for education? What does he want to do for a career? Where would he like to do it?

And the difference between 19 and 23 may not be that different. But the difference between 19 and one year removed from high school and 23 and having served tours of duty in a war zone is radical. Trust me, I lived with two veterans while I was in college, one of whom was among the first of the MP's into Iraq. To say that it changed his outlook on life is a gross understatement (not to mention the shell shock).

At this point, all we know about how this girl considers this boy fit for marriage is that he treats her nicely and appears to honor his priesthood better than some RMs. What would concern me, as a parent, is that there appears to be plenty of "he makes me feel good and happy now." and not nearly enough, "he knows how to make me feel good and happy for the next 80 years."

You may not think that 19 is too young to get married, but we keep on learning more and more that it is not age that determines if someone is ready to be married, but it is maturity that tells us if a person is ready to get married. I'm not yet convinced that the current situation reflects enough forethought and maturity for me to grant my blessing on such a marriage if my daughter is involved.

[Just_A_Guy]

JAG: do you have any numbers to show that men who don't go on missions are more likely to go inactive? or is this just your observation?

It wasn't even my observation. This was my observation. Please don't ascribe to me positions that I do not, and have not, taken.

To the extent that I have made any observations, though--they are based on anecdotal experience, as I readily admit. See, e.g., here.

True; a young woman can use whatever criteria she wants to pick a husband. however she may very well miss out on some wonderful guy.

And she may also avoid some major problems. It's a crapshoot; but it seems to all come down to where one's priorities lie, with respect to the kind of family life one wants/is willing to settle for.

And it's very magnanimous of you to allow women to pick their own husbands; but it's something of a false concession since my issue was other people's willingness to condemn those women while giving young men a pass for a decision whose consequences can well be just as serious.

wonder what the "gentile" women do to pick a Good husband? since they dont have the RM litmus test.

Gentile women don't have to worry about raising their kids in the Church. Gentile women don't have to worry about having a worthy priesthood holder in the home. Gentile women don't have to worry about the validity of their sealing with a man who has a history of not keeping his covenants.

And to the degree that you're hinting that my position is that young women should use the RM factor as the only "litmus test"--again, that is not my position. I'm sorry you cannot or will not see that. Surely it's not for a lack of posts on my part?

Edited March 5, 2010 by Just_A_Guy