Excommunicated

[bytor2112]

My best friend was recently excommunicated. He had been inactive for at least 15 years and finally decided to right his ship. (I have written about him before) He met with his Bishop...then the SP and finally a disciplinary court was set up and the end result was excommunication. He has been attending church regularly....BUT

Fast forward three months and he has been out with a couple of girls that he met on the internet....ldssingles...no less and upon the first meeting with each of these women he has been "physical" with both of them. Not fornication, but very, very near. He pleaded ignorance when I told him that it was a violation of the law of chastity and needed to be confessed to his Bishop and he and apparently these women don't think it was sinful nor do they believe that masturbation is a sin.

My friend was ex'ed over adultery and violation of Temple covenants and just can't seem to shake these desires or avoid the temptations that lead him to ...what will likely be fornication.

Advice?

[jayanna]

FAST, pray, put his name in at the temple...If he really wants back into the church he might have to meet with someone that he will not be willing to share these incidents with. Meet with the elders they might have some insights. Don't underestimate them.

There's no stopping him if he really doesn't want back in. Acknowledging the sin is the first step as I'm sure you know. If he doesn't want to tell the Bishop what he has done, he must already know how serious it is.

Each incident is a concious decision, his pants don't just fall off when he is not looking. He's been married, been to the temple, he's a big boy. It is not easy to return, not easy at all...there has to be some serious change of heart, a new man when it is over, willing to do anything the Lord asks. You get interviewed, big time, heavy prayers are said about you, they look right into your soul and know your heart. He can't hold anything back Not like the rich young man in the NT.

You can help him, but only if he wants to change, not just say that he wants to change. Shine a light and let him know how wonderful your life is because of the gospel, assure him that the eternity ahead of him is far far greater than any moments of empty pleasure that will leave him. He is not alone, there are plenty of priesthood holders out there who can help if he really wants to change. He could go on double dates and have someone else drive, he could phone a friend when he is feeling weak. Get involved in sports, jog, go to firesides, FHE's, visit with the missionaries.

There must be a reason he feels the need to do these things...not just lust...this stuff takes planning. There is a need in his life that is not being met. Maybe it's self confidence, I don't know. I think it would be a good idea to involve him in some significant service...soup kitchen, mowing widows lawns, visiting nursing home, helping in scouts, etc. I think he needs to feel some good feelings that do not involve that kind of pleasure, or even the potential of that happening. It would keep him away from dwelling on so much negative.

Hang in there, you're a good friend.

Edited August 3, 2010 by jayanna

[FunkyTown]

It actually sounds like he doesn't know why these things are sins. He's continuing because he doesn't feel Godly sorrow.

You could explain it to him and hopefully he's mature enough to recognize it. Other than that, I fear it would take an intercession from spirits akin to Scrooge, but instead of the 'Ghost of Christmas past' it'll be the 'Ghost of girlfriends past' that explains all the hurt and anguish his actions have caused.

My best friend was recently excommunicated. He had been inactive for at least 15 years and finally decided to right his ship. (I have written about him before) He met with his Bishop...then the SP and finally a disciplinary court was set up and the end result was excommunication. He has been attending church regularly....BUT

Fast forward three months and he has been out with a couple of girls that he met on the internet....ldssingles...no less and upon the first meeting with each of these women he has been "physical" with both of them. Not fornication, but very, very near. He pleaded ignorance when I told him that it was a violation of the law of chastity and needed to be confessed to his Bishop and he and apparently these women don't think it was sinful nor do they believe that masturbation is a sin.

My friend was ex'ed over adultery and violation of Temple covenants and just can't seem to shake these desires or avoid the temptations that lead him to ...what will likely be fornication.

Advice?

[Hemidakota]

My best friend was recently excommunicated. He had been inactive for at least 15 years and finally decided to right his ship. (I have written about him before) He met with his Bishop...then the SP and finally a disciplinary court was set up and the end result was excommunication. He has been attending church regularly....BUT

Fast forward three months and he has been out with a couple of girls that he met on the internet....ldssingles...no less and upon the first meeting with each of these women he has been "physical" with both of them. Not fornication, but very, very near. He pleaded ignorance when I told him that it was a violation of the law of chastity and needed to be confessed to his Bishop and he and apparently these women don't think it was sinful nor do they believe that masturbation is a sin.

My friend was ex'ed over adultery and violation of Temple covenants and just can't seem to shake these desires or avoid the temptations that lead him to ...what will likely be fornication.

Advice?

He has an addiction. It will be hard to break an addiction without some outside help or aid in this matter. Once you touch for some, it becomes a fetish for them, whether it is physical or thoughts.

Now, it has start with a strong desire to repent and to return for the right reasons. Among those desires, he need to seek help spiritually first before physically (cravens maybe a sexual type) kicking the habit. Each day is a new day of kicking the addiction one step at a time.

Where to start? It starts to return to sincere prayers. This maybe the drawn out tearful ones in pleading before GOD for mercy and asking for help. Then comes a visit to local Mission President since he was excommunicate and placed on formal probation. Next – comes in returning to daily reading and learning the words of the Savior. Setup a goal type setting for each day, each week, and each month, until it is habitual with another person to monitor him. Monitor everything from TV to internet usage and to see what transpire each day in his life. He needs to be truthful in reporting.

Now, if he is doing the obvious (sexual affairs), there are other misguiding mischief’s he is doing that getting him into trouble before leaping into the girls arms or really, her pants. Bystor, this need to be reviewed quickly and shutdown quickly as humanly possible.

Remember, his life at first needs monitoring and mentoring to ensure success. There is much more but stick with the basics first before leaping further until it is becomes a ritual for him to do the right and avoid any appearance of evil in his life.

Good luck though…