being happy with what you have

[crashdown]

Oh yeah, THANK YOU ryanh for challenging my rhetorical question. It's nice to know someone actually listened to me. It's also nice to be challenged and pushed to take a stand. Thanks for making me think! Now I need a Coke and an Excedrin cuz all this thinking has given me a headache. :)

[findingmyway]

Pass it around...... just reading here is giving me a headache too.

[Guest mirancs8]

How does the mother in law change how she feels? She can't cross fences so how does she want the son in law she has, truly be happy with the decision her daughter made?

Like I tell people at times you just have to let it go. You have to release that need to define what you feel (or the MIL in this example) is what would be ideal and trust that the other person has made a decision right for them. Just let it go.

By no measure is that easy, but that's the only way I'm able to accept things the way they are. I've come to realize that my ideals is not others ideals.

Agree to disagree and just let it go...

[ryanh]

Gwen, regarding your first scenario with the mother in law:

I would say to the MIL: "keep your nose out of other people's business!!!" I've been in the situation where a MIL placed her happiness in part on what was going on in someone else's life. It simply contributed misery to the lives of all involved. I do think that such interference can perpetuate expectations without letting a couple develop their own personalized expectations for their own relationship that work for them. Their marriage is their life, not hers, and she needs to learn to let go and let others live. Sure, it’s hard, but if we intend to be like our Heavenly Father, we clearly have to learn to let go of others and let them live and learn from their mistakes.

Often we want to ‘control’ our situation as much as we can (which may include ‘controlling’/influencing others’ lives that impact us). Such is natural for most people (some prefer to be directed or told what to do, but I think most want to be able to control what they do, and what happens to them). I used to marvel at the idea of the Savior’s admonition to take no thought of tomorrow. I had to justify in my mind that such directive was solely for the apostles of old, or the missionaries of the 19th century that were full time dedicated to proclaiming the gospel. After all, even the missionaries these days take thought of how to finance their missions, right?

For myself, I’ve learned to view the Saviors admonition in macro terms, rather than so narrowly as to conclude He meant: ‘don’t try to make a living, or improve your temporal circumstances’, etc. Rather, all things truly are in God’s hands. “No righteous man is ever taken before his time.” (President Joseph Fielding Smith, at the funeral services of Elder Richard L. Evans, Ensign, Dec. 1971) "Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation” (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe (1954), 345). We have our agency, but the circumstances we encounter are under the design of the Father. After all, everything; our lives, our bodies, this earth, every single thing was created by God. I have found strong evidences of His guidance and changing of circumstances in my life. I know it happens daily for us all, even if not so grand as the examples we often cite in the scriptures.

I think it just too easy for us to get caught up in a cycle of feeling like we have to solve or control everything ourselves. It is hard to let go, and let God take care of the day unto itself. It’s a delicate balance, and one that I think a lot of LDS struggle with defining similar to the struggle to define how much work we must to do qualify for exaltation. (When in reality, no matter how much work we do, we will never qualify, so we are entirely dependent on the Atonement and grace. A similar situation exists in our thoughts that we need to do everything to take care of tomorrow, but in reality God has much more control over it that we can possibly exert.)

Perhaps others have this figured out well, and it was just me that struggled to define a balance between what I can control, and recognizing just how much control God has over what comes before us. But for me, learning to not try to control those things I cannot control (or ought not to try to control), much like the serenity prayer thought, has been very beneficial in allowing myself to find happiness amidst adversity.

[ryanh]

Content with the Things Allotted unto Us

Come What May, And Love It.