abuse in catholic church and now im mormon

[ElijahST]

i was raised in the roman catholic church, as it came to the year of my confirmation, i didn't feel ready to go through with it. but i did. i was repeatedly molested by my preist in the church and reported it when i was 12. once i turned 18 i decided to join the mormon church i thought it offered hope a way out. but i still deal with it, with the thoughts of him coming back. my mother still attends that church and doesn't understand why i won't. i feel as if she had betrayed me for still going there and at the same time i feel as if i have betryaed her for leaving the catholic church. i feel aweful at times when i go and attend events at this one catholic church when i see my old friends being happy with the faith. i ended up being my cousins confirmation sponsor and i feel as if i have let her down. i feel confused about faith and whats right. i see things that are right with the mormon church but its so difficult to express it to my family, i have no clue what to do. how would you make those feelings/ thoughts go away? and how should i express to my mother that i don't feel comfortable with the catholic church?

thanks, and im so sorry how im all over the place.

[grantstine]

I am very sorry that you had to go through that. Remeber that you are a child of god, and that he loves you. You do not have to say anything to your mother. Do what you know is right. If mom askes. Just tell mom that you are real happy that, she is happy with her going to her church. And that you are happy going to your church. You are an adult and you make your own choices and decisions. Love your mother. Stay strong. The church is true.

[skippy740]

Welcome to the forum!

First, I would clarify exactly what you aren't comfortable with the Catholic church about. It's not necessarily the doctrine based on your post. You are uncomfortable with the priest.

Second, you also seem to feel that you are letting your family & friends down by not attending the Catholic church.

Here's what I would do: I'd continue to support your family & friends at that church. Just because you are of a different faith, doesn't mean you can't support others in their faiths. You help people continue on their path towards Jesus Christ - no matter where that path may lead them, or you.

As for explaining why you chose to join the LDS church? I would keep it simple. You feel that you have been led to a faith where you can worship and feel at peace. You couldn't find that at your Catholic congregation, so you felt that you were led here. God always looks on the intentions of the heart, and your heart has led you here.

Hope that helps?

[JudoMinja]

I second what skippy has posted. If your discomfort with the Catholic church stems from this priest, then doctrine isn't really an issue. But, maybe you have issues with the doctrine also that you just haven't posted here. It seems though, that this experience is the main reason for your discomfort.

The human mind is a very interesting thing, and one thing that makes it very useful is the ability to "generalize". This allows us to fill in the missing pieces of an incomplete picture and make sense of it. However, this ability can also cause problems. What the priest did to you was wrong. It hurt you and made you feel uncomfortable- spiritually and emotionally. You have generalized your discomfort with him so that you also find discomfort with the Catholic church (which he represents). This is something that happens a lot to people who go through traumatic experiences. I, for example, have a very hard time feeling comfortable around large men with facial hair. There may be absolutely nothing wrong with these men, but I was abused by a large man with facial hair and seeing others who look similar makes me uncomfortable. My brain has generalized my experience so that feelings of discomfort resurface at the sight of anything that reminds me of the abuse.

You need to find a way to separate this experience from your faith. Make sure that the reason you chose to join the LDS church was because you really believe it and have faith in it, and not as just an escape from this experience. It is important to go to a church where you feel comfortable, so I wouldn't necessarily say you shouldn't go- but also make sure you've joined for the right reasons. Then, keep it simple when explaining to your friends and family still in the Catholic faith. You are not really letting them down if you just don't share their belief. As long as you can still be a friend and support to them, you will not ever be letting them down. You do not have to have the same beliefs to be that support.

[ElijahST]

i am uncomfortable with the people of the catholic church, the church diocese sent me to a catholic counselor and after two years of having sessions with her i got a simple phone call saying she wasn't going to see me again, and then to find now she is the director of RCIA and pastorial director and in charge of music there at the same church. i don't understand how someone can do that.

i know i have let my family down. i was suppose to direct her in her faith and i didn't instead i left the church. i am thankful that i did leave. but at times i wonder if i had made the right decision in reporting him.

the mormon church is nice. it's just difficult seeing so many people who have family moral support. and they all believe the same thing. i feel like i don't belong there.

[JudoMinja]

i know i have let my family down. i was suppose to direct her in her faith and i didn't instead i left the church. i am thankful that i did leave. but at times i wonder if i had made the right decision in reporting him.

the mormon church is nice. it's just difficult seeing so many people who have family moral support. and they all believe the same thing. i feel like i don't belong there.

Of course you made the right decision to report him. Don't ever doubt that! What he did was wrong, and should be reported.

And you have not disappointed your family. The true disappointment would be if you had continued adhereing to a belief system you did not truly believe in. To do that would provide an example to your family that one should not follow the promptings of their heart, and follow authority figures blindly. You can still be a spiritual guide to others. You can support them in their belief and ask that they support you in yours. You can teach them what you know to be correct and true and ask them to seek out truth for themselves, as you did. If they choose to stay in the Catholic church, such is their decision- just as leaving was your decision, and it does not make you any less of a person or a disappointment.

There are plenty of other people who are and/or have been in your shoes as far as feeling like they don't fit in. I'm a single parent. There are days when I REALLY feel like I just don't fit in at church. But I don't go there to fit in. I go to church to feel the spirit, learn more doctrine, and share what I can with others. I think, though, that every one of us have something that causes us to feel like we don't fit in. This feeling of alienation makes it hard to connect, but it is important to start looking for ways you can relate to others when you begin to feel this way, so that you can be comforted in the fellowship of those around you.

[rameumptom]

Welcome to the forum ElijahST.

It is sad what some people choose to do when in a position of power. I would recommend you explain to your mother two things. First, that you were abused by a priest or leader (you do not have to reveal who it was). Second, express to her that you have found you can live your faith in Christ more fully in the LDS Church. Explain to her how the Spirit of the Lord has filled you with a peace and joy you did not find in the Catholic Church. Then tell her you respect her faith, and hope she will respect you in yours, that you are both followers of Christ and depend upon the same atonement and grace of the Savior.

[Gatekeeper]

i feel confused about faith and whats right. i see things that are right with the mormon church but its so difficult to express it to my family, i have no clue what to do. how would you make those feelings/ thoughts go away? and how should i express to my mother that i don't feel comfortable with the catholic church?

thanks, and im so sorry how im all over the place.

Hello and welcome to the site!

The LDS (Mormon) church is your sure hope; you know this. Your pure instincts have divinely guided you to join the true church (with all the saving ordinances, gospel standards, morals and principles relevant to your, and, hopefully, your family’s salvation).

I am remorseful that someone who misrepresented the Catholic Church physically and/or emotionally hurt you. Because of your once trust in the church of your youth, it is normal for you to feel ashamed, and for you to feel that this person will return to offend you again. It is also normal for your mother to not understand why you cannot attend the church of her faith; it could be that she is in denial, because remembering the immoral deed is powerfully painful for both of you. The emotional consequences extend far beyond both of your abilities to handle the matter alone. At some point, each of you will need to merge and encourage justification and relief from the pain, shame and guilt. Only then will you feel comfortable with yours and her beliefs.

Perhaps you may consider not allowing yourself to constantly go head-on with doubt and confusion; sadly, one abusive thought will immediately breed another. Make your healing begin by meditating one step at time and at separate stages for each uncomfortable thought. Telescope only those thoughts causing you the least amount of unpleasant consequences, and then gradually confront the more serious matters latter on. By this method, you grow spiritually stronger and familiar with latter-day doctrine much sooner.

Another creative example is that instead of feeling your mother has betrayed you or you have betrayed her, think of things as if you and your mom are simply unaware of a practical solution to your separate beliefs. Alter your lingo, because “unaware” is a less offensive term to use in place of the offensive term “betrayed.” Take the “feel good” pill! It is healthier on the heart and the mind to use innocent terms rather than offensive language. Understand? It is simply a matter of replacing negative thoughts and responses to a higher plain of positive and productive language, thoughts and actions. I pray all will one day be a healing for you and your family.

[ElijahST]

my mother knew about it. the school, church and detectives were involved in it. after we could get it as far as we could (it was ruled my word against his). so after that we never spoke about it. or when we did we would just quickly end the conversation. i just don't know what to do about it. i am totally against capital punishment, murder, and death of any kind. but i feel the only way i will be able to have freedom and live my life is when he's gone. i know thats not a good thing to think for someone. i can't seem to help it though.

[rameumptom]

Give it up to God. You tried to receive justice here, and it did not work. Now leave it in God's hands. The person who abuses a child will suffer greatly in hell for his sins, and will not escape until it is fully paid for. Leave it to God to deal out the justice. "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord." He will repay.

And he can also heal you. Allow him to be your protector and healer. He is gentle and long-suffering. He will take whatever time it requires for you to become whole again. Little by little he will strengthen you, and that terrible act will become less and less of a power over you. Eventually, Christ will heal you sufficiently so that you will be able to forgive the man completely and move on with your life. Yet he will still be under God's condemnation.

[skippy740]

If you happen to feel particularly vengeful one day, read Doctrine & Covenants section 98. You'll smile afterwards!

[Gatekeeper]

my mother knew about it. the school, church and detectives were involved in it. after we could get it as far as we could (it was ruled my word against his). so after that we never spoke about it. or when we did we would just quickly end the conversation. i just don't know what to do about it. i am totally against capital punishment, murder, and death of any kind. but i feel the only way i will be able to have freedom and live my life is when he's gone. i know thats not a good thing to think for someone. i can't seem to help it though.

I am shattered. My heart embraces yours. Do not be sad.

“it was ruled my word against his,” This verdict is reprehensible. I’m not really sure; you may find peace and freedom in his death. After feeling your sorrow, I don’t know if I don’t feel the same way as you feel. What is the solution, Lord? Where is the end? I am struggling with this one. Bear with me, please.

Okay, let’s see. Man’s path is not always straight, but God’s is. The law in a roundabout way failed you; the deeper meaning of this failure is about lack of divine knowledge in secular administration. Ironically, the greater official crimes against humanity are always committed in the name of goodness but sometimes there is a lack of integrity and purity. Conversely, God’s laws do not obtain directly to world perception rules. Because of this error in legal judgment, you have been left to search for understanding while suffering in misery. Behold, there is hope.

I can say that the Lord loves you and He will always protect. You may find James 1:5-6 (scripture mastery) as your focal point to insight, understanding, and ultimately forgiveness.

Due to your misperception of human error, it is difficult for you to extend forgiveness to the one that has hurt you. Remember, our Maker of the world has the power to offset hate and violence. See your fate through His forgiving eyes; and, therefore, it need not be a mote there in yours or mines.

[Elphaba]

my mother knew about it. the school, church and detectives were involved in it. after we could get it as far as we could (it was ruled my word against his). so after that we never spoke about it. or when we did we would just quickly end the conversation. i just don't know what to do about it. i am totally against capital punishment, murder, and death of any kind. but i feel the only way i will be able to have freedom and live my life is when he's gone. i know thats not a good thing to think for someone. i can't seem to help it though.

Are you saying this man is still a priest and still has access to other youth?

You sound extremely traumatized to me, by your priest, by your family for continuing to go to a Church that has denied your abuse, and by the Church itself by subjecting you to a counselor who would abandon you in such a fashion. You have every reason to feel betrayed, because you have, in fact, been betrayed. These are not little things.

As someone who was also sexually abused as a child, though not by anyone at church, I would strongly suggest you seek additional counseling. The LDS Church has professional counselors in its Social Services arm, or you could go to someone not affiliated with any church. I would NOT go back to any Catholic counseling, because even the most ethical of Catholic counselors might not be able to sufficiently address the Catholic Church's culpability in your case, and thus you might be setting yourself up for even more betrayal. It's not worth that risk.

I agree your faith in the LDS Church can help you but I strongly doubt it's going to be enough in the immediate future. You need help from someone professionally trained in this type of abuse. Your bishop should be able to help you if you'd like to see someone at LDS Social Services. If you'd like to see someone with no religious affiliation, send me a PM and I can give you some direction.

Elphaba

Edited May 11, 2011 by Elphaba

[Elphaba]

my mother knew about it. the school, church and detectives were involved in it. after we could get it as far as we could (it was ruled my word against his). so after that we never spoke about it. or when we did we would just quickly end the conversation. i just don't know what to do about it. i am totally against capital punishment, murder, and death of any kind. but i feel the only way i will be able to have freedom and live my life is when he's gone. i know thats not a good thing to think for someone. i can't seem to help it though.

Are you saying this man is still a priest and still has access to other youth?

You sound extremely traumatized to me, by your priest, by your family for continuing to go to a Church that has denied your abuse, and by the Catholic Church itself for subjecting you to a counselor who would abandon you in such a fashion. You have every reason to feel betrayed, because you have, in fact, been betrayed. These are not little things.

As someone who was also abused as a child, though not by anyone at church, I would strongly recommend you seek additional counseling. I agree your faith in the LDS Church is going to go a long way in sustaining you, but I don't agree it's enough. You probably need to do some intensive therapy with someone professionally trained in healing people with abuse issues.

Until then, please, try to understand that it is NOT your job to take care of your family. That's a very easy thing for me to say, but an extremely difficult thing for you to comprehend, as it is for almost everyone who's been abused as a child. This is because abuse literally makes physiological changes to your body. It is normal for our bodies to react to threats with fear, but once the threat is over, the fear abates. For children who have been abused, the body is thrust into this fear state so many times that eventually it becomes permanent, and you're not able to let the fear abate, even when the threat is long gone. Part of this state of fear is being constantly hyper aware of what everyone around you is doing and thinking, and thus, even though it's critical you stop worrying about what your family thinks and needs, it's almost impossible for you to do so.

That's why I recommend further counseling. A trained therapist can help you bring your body out of that constant state of fear, and thus, you'll be able to see what's going on around you more realistically. Because the truth is, you can find a new "family" in your ward, and you can learn positive ways to nurture yourself, and you can learn to let go of people and behaviors that will only continue to traumatize you. But generally, it's not possible to learn all of this on your own without the help of someone trained in doing so. These things are very complex, and frankly, it's painful. But it can be done, and in the doing, you can find peace and joy.

Even if you're not interested in further counseling, I would seek the counsel of your bishop. But if you are interested, he can hook you up with LDS Social Services. If you're interested but do not want to go to a therapist with a religious affiliation, send me a PM and I can give you some ideas.

Best of luck to you.

Elphaba

[ElijahST]

no, he isn't a priest anymore, the church diocese removed him. the last time i searched him, which i tend to do frequentlyhe works/ed in a hotel and lives two hours away. i told the bishop once about it. and he told me about a women who worked with lds social services and i got so nervous about it. so i didn't do anything about it. and then one day i was helping with setting up an activity at church and this lady randomly asked me about it and said i should talk with someone and i was like no thanks. but i did and it ended up being the lady the bishop told me about. and she is really nice.although we don't agree with a few things we agree with more things than not.

[JudoMinja]

While it's good to hear he is no longer a priest, it is frightening to hear that he lives so close to you. I can definitely understand your paranoia. If my ex lived that close, I think I'd be constantly stuck in a state of fear. As it is, he lives all the way across the country and I still have nightmares and occassionally see someone on the streets I think is him. The fear must be eating you up inside...

Don't let your fears stop you from looking for and accepting help. There are many people, in and out of the church, who can understand what you are going through and help you develop strategies to maintain your safety and regain your mental health. This LDS social services woman is one of those people. She can be a great help to you, as can your bishop. I second elphaba's suggestion that you should seek additional professional counseling. It can help you overcome your fears and start building a future.

[Guest]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I truly am. I hope there is a way we could erase parts of our lives. Unfortunately, there isn't.

I've been trying to avoid this thread because I don't want to be painted as somebody who lacks compassion or whatever. But there are things that just has to be said and I guess I'm going to have to be the one to do it.

This is a very cruel incident especially coming from a Catholic priest. But, I have to point out that this, in no way, is a reflection of the Catholic Church as a whole..

Therefore, your parents continuing to go to the church does not mean they sided with the priest instead of you. It is a giant conflict that I hope and pray I, as a mother, will not have to face. On one hand your mother has to cling to the faith that brings her closer to Christ, and on the other hand, she has the abuses of the priest that threatens to bar her way (and your way) to Christ. If she is as devout a Catholic as I once was, I can see how her devotion to her faith may seem like an abandonment of you. It is tough to have to separate in our minds the actions of one priest from the tenets of the Church - she went one way, you went the other. I can't fault you but I can't fault her either (of course, I don't know the whole situation, just what I understood from the scenario you presented).

Why do I say this? Because, it might be that you can find a middle ground somewhere. And I believe it starts with you separating the actions of a priest from the teachings of the Catholic Church. Once you have processed that (it may be a big part in your healing as well), then it may be easier for you to talk about your newfound faith with your family as it won't be an anti-Catholic action but more into the pro-Mormon action.

Does that make sense?

This is very important. Because, although I have a strong testimony that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints is the one true church, I do not think your testimony of it should hinge on your rejection of the Catholic church because of what happened to you. Your testimony needs to stay rock solid on your understanding of the restored gospel regardless of your struggles.

The LDS Church is comprised of fallible men and women too. It is very possible that you will witness cruelty in some form or another from the leaders of the Church. You will have to be able to separate that with the teachings of the Church. Otherwise, you will be like a leaf being blown this way and that by the force of the winds.

Stay strong. God loves you and the Holy Spirit will give you comfort.

Edited May 11, 2011 by anatess

[Guest SisterofJared]

My son was molested by a former bishop!! Yes, an LDS bishop! My son did not tell me about it. Years later after he was married, his wife told me. It has taken him down a path of self destruction, alcoholism, broken marriage, much self hatred.

When I found out, I called the new bishop at that ward and asked him if any members had come to him needing to repent for sexual abuses towards children. He said, "No." then said if I would tell him who, he could start an inquiry. I told him who. He was stunned, but then said, "This makes sense." Evidently the day the former bishop was released he smiled, walked out of the meeting, and never came back to church again. His wife had been to see the new bishop, crying about the strange things her husband was doing.

Weird thing is.... many a time, I had felt the spirit when talking with this bishop. I would walk into his office feeling like a dog, and walk out feeling like a child of God. Because of him I learned to pay tithing, and returned to the temple after 20 years. He married my oldest daughter and wept at her wedding because he loved my family.

So why did he abuse my son? I don't know what was happening to him... and hope he has repented but don't know how he could have repented since he's done nothing to make reparations to my son. I cried almost as much for him as I did my son. But I don't know that he's ever cried about it.

I don't see your mother continuing to go to that church as a betrayal. I did not quit the LDS church because of what my bishop did. Perhaps if he were still the bishop and the church refused to pay attention to my charges, I would have a problem. That could be faith shaking. But as the church dismissed him, I don't feel that your mother's continuing in her faith is an issue. But she should understand that YOU continuing in the faith may be an issue!!

Please pursue counseling, and be prayerful about it. God can heal you. Or you can fight through it on your own... or you can let it destroy you. Choose wisely. Don't let it ruin so much of your life, like it has my son's life. He refused counseling... and only recently admits it is an issue for him.

Edited May 14, 2011 by SisterofJared

[Elphaba]

I don't see your mother continuing to go to that church as a betrayal.

I think you may have said this in response to my post where I said Elijah's family had betrayed her by continuing to go to the Catholic Church. I was wrong to say that, and I didn't mean it as cut and dried as I worded it. Your experience with your son and your former bishop sounds excruciating, but I certainly can understand that your faith remains in spite of it.

I got the sense from Elijah that her family doesn't comprehend how traumatizing the whole situation is, and that they believe the Catholic Church's denials more than they did her explanations, and that's what I meant by saying they had betrayed her. But the way I worded it sounds like I expected them to lose/give up their faith entirely to prove they believed her. I don't think that and I should have chosen my words more carefully.

Elphaba

[Guest SisterofJared]

The most important thing a family can do in a case of abuse if to fly to the defense of the victim... believe them, be on their side, and never shove it under the rug. Just acknowledging that they were injured, and that it should never have happened, helps them a lot.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

ElijahST,

We have a lot in common (besides both being new to the forum :)).

I was abused as a child as well...not by a Priest, but an authority figure.

I joined the LDS church when I was 12 yrs old, and have been the only active member of my family ever since (many years).

Sadly, I am not surprised that you still struggle with the effects of the abuse, I do as well. I write a bllog about my healing journey...with the hope to help other survivors, and the people who care about us.

I would be happy to talk to you more about this if you want...you can send me a PM. Or you can read my blog...I need to double check the rules...is it ok to post my blog address here?

Healing is a long hard journey, but I believe we can do it with the Lord's help.

There is a song that has been really helpful to me. I think you will find comfort in it too...

[kayne]

im going to offer a more cynical piece of advice cause quite frankly the flowerly happy version isnt want you want to hear. you feel like hell to put it nicely theres no sugar coating this fact.

theres some blame here and lets put in the proper scope shall we?

1. that priest is a dirt bag. its his fault and anyone that helped cover his lies not your fault.

2. your family that still attends that church....honestly i can understand they think its true. but the fact they entertain the thought that its true and dont even consider you found a better place as an option id be ticked at them its natural. i also find it unnatural that they expect you to keep going to the catholic church. id say the same thing if they were raped by a mormon bishop. admittely though the mormon church has the added bonus of actually being true but still itd be entirely understandable if you were turned from the mormon church forever. and even more agonizing if your family expected you to keep going back to it. maybe if both cases after your wound has healed but certainly not right away.

3. its natural and ok to be upset feel like hell cuss scream and be mad. the important thing here is to deal with this. your going to and you already have felt like crap. and its likely not going to vanish overnight. reconize the source of your pain....some of which is in fact the child abuse and its simply being egged on by Satan who knows he has an extremely good hook to keep smacking you with. reconize your pain is being maginified by Satan. once really everyone that ever has a mental disorder reconizes Satan is egging their pain on and you put a face to your problem it becomes a bit more clear what one must do. you went through so you must deal with the master of hell. to be blunt know Satan is fueling this fire and take the fight to him. all emotional problems at least 97% of them stem from this root cause science and psychology be damned. this is the root of the problem here.

so with that said what should be done? just accept it that priest will in due time get his own reward for his actions. the best thing you can do is forgive the guy. pronounce loudly you love him. admit this to yourself. deal with this. stop hating the priest that did this your only fueling the fire that is burning you. really i assure you Satan will hate for you to tell him you love him(love him doesnt mean you agree with him on anything still despise him for everything he does and stands for) the same concept for the priest. despise him for everything and disagree with him but do in fact love him. love is the opposite of hate filling your soul with love will gradually eliminate said hate.

face your family head on. explain it to them clearly. if after that they cant accept it....it sadly happens some families fight too much within themselves and cease to really be a family. the best you can do is pray for them to understand. if they refuse to understand sadly any family moments arent going to be great and you cant do much to change their minds. either they support you or they dont. theres not middle ground here really.

and yes do seek counseling but know what i just said is completely fact 100% true. the source of all(97%) of mental problems are evil spirits egging you on and consuming you. this may require priesthood blessings. if your a male using the priesthood in good faith. if not asking some men your close to to help im sure the bishop would love to help. note this could be a recurring thing just cause a demon is cast at once doesnt mean hes going to just give up. God might try you and let this battle wage on for a little while. its entirely possible. the important thing is do the right things the basics

tithing

scripture reading

prayer

ponder on the basics atonement baptism etc.

your own patriactal(spelling?) blessing ponder it.

temple worthiness.

slow baby steps. and EVENTUALLY youll get there. eventually.

ultimately its a mind game with the devil....do you let these dark thoughts consume you? or do you fight back? a great tool ive learned over the years is this....

upon a dark thought or prescence FACE IT....then REPLACE IT with a new thought or if it was actually the devil REPLACE IT with Christ. then CONNECT....if able CONNECT with another person. talk to another person. smile at other people during the day and randomly just talk to a stranger in a line at say a grocery store.

so FRC.....FACE IT(the problem,the thought) REPLACE IT(with what youd prefer it instead) and CONNECT(with another human if no other humans maybe your dog if this isnt an option really FACE IT AND REPLACE IT)

example:

"i want to die"

i face it realize i just had that thought

i replace it with "no i dont want to die"

connect with another person even on the forums if need be.

[outcast]

It's a tough topic. It's seems like you are still waiting for something. An apology? Maybe you want your family to say you are right for leaving?

With out talking to you it's hard to understand where you come from.

Have you ever talked about it openly with a counselor? I would suggest you call a hotline and talk to a professional.

Life is too short to deal with this kind of stuff.

Also understand that it is ultimately YOUR load you are carrying. If you died tomorrow you would die with this sorrow and pain in your heart, so there is the proof that you are the one keeping this alive.

So the real question is, how can you let it go?

What will it take for you to leave this behind?

I say this not to make it right, as we all know it's not right, but because it has happened already, and what you really seem to be saying is that you WANT to move on but can't.

Please understand I am not a professional counselor, I'm only pointing out the obvious so take it with a grain of salt as an opinion.

If I may offer some balm of Gideon it would be this. When you help OTHERS deal with their abuse, YOU become a stronger person. Is there any one you can help and talk to?

Edited May 19, 2011 by outcast

[lines]

i was raised in the roman catholic church, as it came to the year of my confirmation, i didn't feel ready to go through with it. but i did. i was repeatedly molested by my preist in the church and reported it when i was 12. once i turned 18 i decided to join the mormon church i thought it offered hope a way out. but i still deal with it, with the thoughts of him coming back. my mother still attends that church and doesn't understand why i won't. i feel as if she had betrayed me for still going there and at the same time i feel as if i have betryaed her for leaving the catholic church. i feel aweful at times when i go and attend events at this one catholic church when i see my old friends being happy with the faith. i ended up being my cousins confirmation sponsor and i feel as if i have let her down. i feel confused about faith and whats right. i see things that are right with the mormon church but its so difficult to express it to my family, i have no clue what to do. how would you make those feelings/ thoughts go away? and how should i express to my mother that i don't feel comfortable with the catholic church?

thanks, and im so sorry how im all over the place.

You strike me as being an incredibly strong person. I understand the catholic faith is a big part of your family's identity but you ultimately have to do what is healthy for you. And being in the catholic church environment wouldn't be good for you. We seem to continually hear about these abuse cases with the catholic church and that seems to indicate that there is a culture of evil among at least some of the church leaders among the catholics.

Your mother seems like she is so used to being catholic that it would cause her psychological pain to remove herself from the rituals of the church. Your mother still loves you she is just a sort of person whose mind is so used to being catholic she couldn't imagine life without being catholic.

Just be firm about your decision to be mormon and maintain good relations with your mother.

[Saintmichaeldefendthem1]

We continue to reel with the impact of this scandal. I joined the Catholic Church well after the scandal exploded, but I had friends in California who were affected by it and I've witnessed the pain it caused.

The Church has implemented a lot of reforms and measures to prevent any further abuse as much as possible. The concept of marrying trust with accountability has been the theme of these reforms. No longer is it possible for any priest or bishop to hear a report of abuse and do anything other than report it immediately to authorities. Priests are now trained on how to interact with children in rooms with windows and open doors, etc. Much has changed, but that change doesn't undo the damage that was done.

As far as your family staying with the Catholic Church and you leaving it, I understand both decisions. When the scandals broke, a top priority of the Church was trying to bring healing and reconciliation to those victims and not just simply pay them off in lawsuit settlements. In the Church's view, the victims are members of the Church and the Church has a responsibility toward them.

But why stay?

As a Catholic, I can only answer for myself. If something terrible happened to me or my family, an offense committed within the Church, I would have no choice but to reconcile within the Church because I don't believe the Catholic Church is just one of many denominations I can choose from. The Catholic Church is not a denomination, we believe we are the church founded by Christ himself and transmitted through the centuries by apostolic succession. Any offense within the Church would have to be reconciled by the Church, for their is no other in my view. But I do sympathize with those who don't share that belief.

I'm truly sorry for what has happened to you and I hope you find healing, strength, and renewal in the LDS faith you have chosen.

In the Sacred Heart of Christ.