kalliegirl77 Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years now. We both had "troubled" pasts that prevented us from getting married in the temple from the get go. But we both felt that it was the right thing to do not only for us but for our blended family as well. I recieved my endowments shortly after we were married and he has been working towards his recommend. Over a year ago, as the time was approaching for him to "ask" for his rec. it came to light that he was battling with a pornography problem. I think that I was actually more hurt that I found this out because he was backed into a corner and the bishop "made" him tell me, rather than him telling me himself. He was told what he needed to do, and to wait yet another year. Well, now that it is over a year later he has come to me once again and said that he has "slipped" again. I feel so betrayed... I don't know what to do. I am trying to hard not to "freak" out. I'm trying to be forgiving, and Christ like. But all I want to do is scream and punch a wall. I feel alone, is there anyone there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prophetofdoom Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 I am surprised he has to wait a whole year because of pornography. I am not trying to understate the problem.. just saying that usually probation lasts 3-6 months or so. Anyways, it sounds like he needs a lot of spiritual help. Does he read scriptures everyday? Does he pray everyday? They sound like minor things, but, they can add up to a big change in someone if practiced habitually. They keep the focus on Christ. Also, he should go to the Bishop again so he can start again with a clean slate. I used to have a bit of a problem with that too. My wife forgave me and I was able to overcome it. It took me really reforming my life and developing good habits to replace the bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 I'm not surprised it was a year to wait for a Temple recommend.Kallie, you have so many other wives out there who are dealing with the same problem. Find a PASG meeting from this site. Go to the Family Support Group that's connected with it. Your husband needs to go to the PASG group. These are run by the Church and are gospel oriented so there's not going to be a whole lot of "man bashing" or what-not. But you will find support and company with others who are dealing with loved ones who have the same issues. They will also help you cope.Please remember that this is a multi-year recovery. I can assure you it's not because he want's to hurt you, it's because at that moment, it's what he perceives he needs. It has nothing to do with you, it's all his issue to deal with. So don't take this battle on yourself. All you can do is love him, hug him, and let him know you're disappointed and hurt, but you're there. This has a big potential to spiral way out of control to very bad places that will be harmful and deadly for the both of you. He needs to get to these meetings and get help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shine7 Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 I agree with slamjet......help is needed with strong addictions like this. I pray your husband will work hard to keep the faith. Healing is needed for him, and a group support for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneDoe Posted July 26, 2011 Report Share Posted July 26, 2011 Hey Girl, I KNOW it's tough to know that your husband has a pornography problem. My husband does as well. We, too, did not marry in the temple at first. When we finally did go and get sealed, my husband confessed he relapsed (slipped) the very day AFTER our sealing. It hurt. Really bad...He had a hard time coming to me and confessing relapses because of my reaction. Of course I was angry and hurt, but then I realized I had to educate myself on the addiction to understand what exactly he was going through. He Restoreth My Soul by Donald Hilton has been the best book that I have read so far on addiction. It has helped me to understand that this addiction has nothing to do with me. He has had this problem since he was 11 years old! By educating myself on this, I've learned to be more compassionate. I have a place in my heart for forgiveness because he's going to need a heck of a lot of it. It has made us draw closer to the Lord and rely on Him through this and all our doings. It requires a lot of prayer, patience, understanding, forgiving, and love. Just as Slamjet mentioned, PASG groups are church groups designed specifically for this addiction. It is a support group for men and women. Try and found out when these meetings are held and attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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