Working mothers have better health

[Bini]

.. and fewer symptoms of depression than stay-at-home moms, a new study indicates.

The researchers also found that mothers with part-time jobs can balance work and nurturing their children better than those with full-time jobs.

Article here.

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Yeh I can see where this holds true. I'm a SAHM and I've really struggled with the adjustment to transitioning to being home all day long, one-on-one with my baby and zero interaction with other adults. I'm only now starting to appreciate the opportunity I have to be at home with my daughter but it hasn't been a walk in the park — that's for sure!

[Jennarator]

Interesting. I work out of necesity, but I will take any benefits that might go with it.

I wish I only had to work part time....

[Bini]

Jennarator, a while back DH and I had talked about me returning to work and hiring a nanny to care for baby because at the time I wasn't mentally able to hold down the fort due to PPD. Then things settled down and that was thrown out the window. But now I'm considering returning back to work just because I feel like money is a bit tight and a little extra income never hurts. On the other hand, hiring a nanny and or daycare is not cheap! So a good portion of my paycheque would go towards that anyway. But there's no doubt that working part time has its benefits! When you need a break from the kids, you're at work and when you need a break from work, you get to go home to the kids. But it's tough being a parent, period. Although, I think from a mama's perspective, there's additional challenges that perhaps daddy doesn't have to deal with (as much or at all), regardless if mama works or SAH.

[Jennarator]

I agree. My husband does help out with cooking and such, but it is still expected that when I come home from work, thatmost (home) matters rest upon my shoulders.

I also agree I do get a break. Working is nice, yet being home is nice. I wish I could work only part time, that would be ideal for me. My baby is coming soon, and when we got pregnant, my husband was working only part time, so we figured he could be at home, part time. Now he is working full time and we have to figure everything out. Day care is not high on my list of choices. I would rather pay someone I know to that isn't taking care of 5 billion other kids. Just a stay at home mom that only has one or two other kids that needs a little extra money. It's not an east situation for anyone. I also think there isn't one way that works for everyone. (As you know) we just need to figure out what works best for each of us.

If I had a choice I would stay home. I think that since I never have with any of my kids, it would be really hard for me to do, but I think I could (over time) get used to it. I don't mean that sarcastic at all. I mean that it is a different ball game and I don't know the rules. I know I would have a lot to do, and I know that SAHMs work hard. But I am used to working full time, then coming home and starting the second job. I know that one is a 24/7 job and takes a toll. So does working and comeing home to still have to stay up all night with vomiting children and chores.

Eh....we do the best we can, and as long as we really are making htat honest effort to do our best for our famililies, I think that is what keeps me happy and healthy. I guess just knowing htat I am able to do what I do.

Edited December 14, 2011 by Jennarator

[Guest]

Bini, the daycare is not the only cost to working. There's gasoline, business attire, work lunches, etc.

I've done both SAH and working full-time. There is no advantage to working unless you have specific strengths that are better served in the workplace. For example - I can't cook, I hate laundry, I hate cleaning bathrooms. But, I love programming and can make an ok paycheck with it. So, instead of cooking all the time, I work so that we can buy prepared meals. I work so I can send have-to-iron clothes to the laundromat, so I can hire a guy to come to the house to clean the bathrooms. My money doesn't really supplement the household budget - my husband takes care of all of that and we live within his paycheck. My paycheck does allow my husband to take personal time off if he needs to for things like scouting or temple trips, etc.

Caring for children - I think I can do a much better job than the daycare, so I stayed home with the children when they were little. But, I can't teach K-12 level (you know how it is with engineers - they can do but can't teach!) so I work so I can afford school instead of home schooling.

So, I found that in my own home-style, having a job I enjoy that allows me to work my own hours - like I work when the kids are in school and then be there when the children get home or if they have holidays and summer vacations and such is the most ideal. Then, I get to do what I enjoy and avoid the things I hate but still be the primary nurturer for the children. Much less stress that way.

Taking a break from the kids is usually done every Friday (date night) when we send the kids to family while my husband and I go out. But lately (like the past 3 years), it's been more fun to take the kids with us to the movies instead of dropping them off at their uncle's that our date nights have become family fun nights.

There are some ways you can make some money off something you're good at without having to make it a primary job. Remember my Elf on the Shelf? Yeah, a lady in our ward makes those stuff and sells them - she makes enough money on them for her needs.

Somebody I know cleans other people's houses and then hires somebody to clean her house. Don't ask me why!

I know some women who work every Christmas season at the post office or UPS just to be able to buy Christmas presents for everybody.

And then I know this elderly lady who goes to flea markets and garage sales to find certain books (she loves books and loves shopping at flea markets interestingly) that she sells for profit on Amazon. Her entire office fits in half of her kitchen pantry! There's a computer, printer, several rows of books, and shipping supplies in that little space.

And my sister-in-law makes Filipino eggrolls that stays in the freezer that you can just drop straight from the freezer into the frying pan and cook in under 5 minutes. She sells a pack of 12 for $5. She did that for a while so that she can afford to send her 12-year-old son to Europe to represent the US in soccer.

Oh, and I have to mention this one other lady... I won a charity auction shirt for my dog (cuts down on the shed) at a dog forum a few weeks ago. I found out she makes dog shirts to make some money to care for her dogs. She's pretty good with the sewing machine and she loves dogs!

Edited December 14, 2011 by anatess

[Bini]

I can't cook

I don't believe that for one second! All Filipinos cook! Tsk tsk. JK.

If I ever do end up working, it'll probably be something along the lines of a hobby-job. But typically, those don't ever pay much and the effort you put into the "work" always feels priceless. Of course, you can't sell homemade/handmade goodies for an arm and a leg because they'll never sell.. I've seen the most adorable things sit on Etsy for weeks and sometimes even months! A while back (while I was pregnant) I made a couple name plaques. I put sooo much time into those, I couldn't get myself to sell them for less than about $50.. But if you search online, you can find them super affordable, depending on which site you go to.

Anyway, I don't think I ever really want to return to my previous job. It paid decent and I had a network of people that I could talk and laugh with on a daily basis. I do miss that part. Maybe this disconnect I'm feeling (from not interacting with adults) could be motivation to start attending church and meeting other new mamas :]

[Gwen]

My personal opinion...

I can see some of what they are saying. However, I'm still no fan of day care no matter how exhausting it can get being with the kids all the time. I think the greater key is to make sure the stay at home mom is getting a break to do things she likes (volunteer, hobby, book club, etc). Getting out and doing those things will cut back on some of the depression symptoms some stay at home mom's experience. I can see how once the kids are in school a part time job could help and have thought about it myself. Could be there with the kids but also get out and feel like an individual again. However, all that is contingent upon it being a part time job mom enjoys. I noticed they didn't say what kind of part time work. I would not be a happier mom working part time at a fast food place. lol

There are a lot of factors to consider when talking about happy mom and working than they give in the article. I'd want more details than just taking it at face value. Also are the kids happier?

[Bini]

Gwen, all very good questions!

I'm not sure I'd be thrilled about working at a fast food either. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd be grumpy after working a long shift in the back of a greasy kitchen!

[Guest]

Also are the kids happier?

This is a good question.

My opinion is - the happiness of the kids do not depend on whether mom has a job or not. I would think the happiness of the kids would depend more on whether mom is happy or not than whether she has a job or not. But, in either case, I think the happiness of the kids is mostly dependent on their spirituality and their feeling of security. I'm going to assume everybody - SAH or working - is providing for their children's spiritual needs. That leaves security. Security can only be achieved through peace of mind - the feeling you get when you know everything is alright.

So, if the child needs something and she calls mom at work and mom blows her off, then that might contribute to her unhappiness. But, if the child calls the mom and mom gives her assurance that everything is going to be alright, then child can keep trucking on. This goes the same for SAH as well. Being at home but blowing off the child because you're too busy scrubbing the floors is just as bad. Or even worse, being at home but wishing the child was not there so mom can party is really bad. They catch on to those vibes.

Edited December 14, 2011 by anatess