LDS excommunication and disfellowshipment

[ellechim92]

If I get excommunicated or disfellowshipped, will the bishop tell my parents? (I'm 19 btw), I'm a female who committed a private sexual sin (masturbation) a long time ago (when I was 10) but have had some slip-ups after. I have been to the temple since then and also taken sacrament repeatedly (very stupid, I know and I can't emphasize enough how much I truly regret it). I am now brave enough to confess this to the bishop but I do not want him to tell my parents - I want to sort this all out confidentially. The reason I think that he might tell them is because I went to the temple to be sealed to them whilst being "unworthy". So we may need to re-seal or he just may feel that they need to know seeing as technically they were involved due to the sealing. The reason I don't want them to know at the moment is because I have really let them down. I have changed since, and no longer participate in this sin but I know I must repent especially as the temple was involved. Will he still tell them anyway without my consent? Or will the Stake President tell them if it gets that far? Thanks so much for reading. Please help!

Edited January 3, 2012 by ellechim92
I left a few details out at first

[rameumptom]

The sealing remains in effect, because your parents, etc were worthy. If your problem is masturbation, you will not be excommunicated, and probably not disfellowshipped. Usually the person is placed on formal probation by the bishop, and given tasks to do towards repentance (abstaining from the sin, prayer, scripture study, read Miracle of Forgiveness, etc). This will not be shared with your parents, as you are an adult.

[ellechim92]

The sealing remains in effect, because your parents, etc were worthy. If your problem is masturbation, you will not be excommunicated, and probably not disfellowshipped. Usually the person is placed on formal probation by the bishop, and given tasks to do towards repentance (abstaining from the sin, prayer, scripture study, read Miracle of Forgiveness, etc). This will not be shared with your parents, as you are an adult.

Thanks so much for your response. Though I have heard/read that merely entering the temple whilst unworthy is a sin worthy of excommunication. Are you sure that I will receive a lesser discipline?

Once again thanks so much for responding.

[Dravin]

Though I have heard/read that merely entering the temple whilst unworthy is a sin worthy of excommunication.

From where/who?

[MarginOfError]

Thanks so much for your response. Though I have heard/read that merely entering the temple whilst unworthy is a sin worthy of excommunication.

If that were true, I suspect total church membership would correlate very well with the number of unendowed members.

[Guest]

I think what I understand is that you haven't received your endowment, but you have gone to the temple to be sealed to your parents and maybe to perform baptisms. While you do have reason to repent, it would be very different if you had entered while endowed. That is when you make the weightier promises and covenants with the Lord, and I think that's what you may have heard about when you heard of people getting excommunicated while entering unworthily. Either way, you should talk to your bishop and free yourself of this burden, but I really don't think you should torture yourself with thoughts of excommunication or worry about the effect on your parents.

[rameumptom]

I'm on a high council. The Lord determines the level of discipline based on a number of factors: the level of sin, whether the person is endowed, whether the person willingly came to the bishop to repent, whether the person has held important callings (bishop, stake president), etc.

Since you are 19, only were sealed to your parents (not endowed), and the sin seems to be masturbation, I am very certain that you do not meet the requirements for excommunication or disfellowshipping, but only a formal probation. Go see your bishop and let him help you work on your repentance.

[john doe]

Being 19, you are an adult, if you were to be excommunicated or disfellowshipped the bishop should not be telling your family about it as a matter of course. That said, I doubt anyone would be excommunicated for masturbation. Disfellowshipment would also be unlikely if the person has stopped and is of a repentant heart, in my mind. But your mileage may vary depending on the individual situation and what the bishop thinks would be the best course of action for repentance.

[ellechim92]

From where/who?

Other church members in some online church text

[ellechim92]

The sealing remains in effect, because your parents, etc were worthy. If your problem is masturbation, you will not be excommunicated, and probably not disfellowshipped. Usually the person is placed on formal probation by the bishop, and given tasks to do towards repentance (abstaining from the sin, prayer, scripture study, read Miracle of Forgiveness, etc). This will not be shared with your parents, as you are an adult.

Thanks so much for the response! I really hope that I don't get excommunicated - I'd be heartbroken.

[ellechim92]

I think what I understand is that you haven't received your endowment, but you have gone to the temple to be sealed to your parents and maybe to perform baptisms. While you do have reason to repent, it would be very different if you had entered while endowed. That is when you make the weightier promises and covenants with the Lord, and I think that's what you may have heard about when you heard of people getting excommunicated while entering unworthily. Either way, you should talk to your bishop and free yourself of this burden, but I really don't think you should torture yourself with thoughts of excommunication or worry about the effect on your parents.

Thank you so much - the responses I'm getting here are really encouraging me a lot. The thought of excommunication is so frightening. I really do hope I'll recieve a lesser discipline. This burden has haunted me for about 8 years.

[ellechim92]

I'm on a high council. The Lord determines the level of discipline based on a number of factors: the level of sin, whether the person is endowed, whether the person willingly came to the bishop to repent, whether the person has held important callings (bishop, stake president), etc.

Since you are 19, only were sealed to your parents (not endowed), and the sin seems to be masturbation, I am very certain that you do not meet the requirements for excommunication or disfellowshipping, but only a formal probation. Go see your bishop and let him help you work on your repentance.

Thank you so much! I am honestly so grateful for all the responses on here. For 8 years now I've feared the worst. I will be going to the bishop this Sunday to sort this out once and for all.

[ellechim92]

Being 19, you are an adult, if you were to be excommunicated or disfellowshipped the bishop should not be telling your family about it as a matter of course. That said, I doubt anyone would be excommunicated for masturbation. Disfellowshipment would also be unlikely if the person has stopped and is of a repentant heart, in my mind. But your mileage may vary depending on the individual situation and what the bishop thinks would be the best course of action for repentance.

Thanks so much! But if the choice of discipline varies between bishops - then doesn't that mean the chance of excommunication/disfellowshipment from mine still exists? Thanks once again for responding.

[john doe]

Thanks so much! But if the choice of discipline varies between bishops - then doesn't that mean the chance of excommunication/disfellowshipment from mine still exists? Thanks once again for responding.

It's not so much that the discipline changes from bishop to bishop, it's more that each individual situation is different. Church discipline is not about punishment, it is putting the individual on a course of true repentance and becoming clean again. Sure, there's a slim chance that that your particular situation may include excommunication or disfellowshipment, but I have never heard of anyone being excommunicated for masturbation. It is my understanding that those kinds of things are reserved for people in whom the sin is an ongoing and recurring problem, and there is little or no sign of remorse or desire to repent or for serious sins. Not to downplay masturbation , but it's not usually considered a 'serious sexual sin', even though it is considered a sin. Generally the 'serious' part comes in when another person becomes involved in the activity.

[Juan_P]

If I get excommunicated or disfellowshipped, will the bishop tell my parents? (I'm 19 btw), I'm a female who committed a private sexual sin (masturbation) a long time ago (when I was 10) but have had some slip-ups after. I have been to the temple since then and also taken sacrament repeatedly (very stupid, I know and I can't emphasize enough how much I truly regret it). I am now brave enough to confess this to the bishop but I do not want him to tell my parents - I want to sort this all out confidentially. The reason I think that he might tell them is because I went to the temple to be sealed to them whilst being "unworthy". So we may need to re-seal or he just may feel that they need to know seeing as technically they were involved due to the sealing. The reason I don't want them to know at the moment is because I have really let them down. I have changed since, and no longer participate in this sin but I know I must repent especially as the temple was involved. Will he still tell them anyway without my consent? Or will the Stake President tell them if it gets that far? Thanks so much for reading. Please help!

If the matter was masturbation then you wont be excommunicated nor disfellowshiped. Formal disciplinary proceedures aren't done for that but he will try to work with you to help you stop and become clean but it seems that you have already stopped but feel guilty over the Temple matter. That only requires your repentance to the Lord but we don't do the sealing again. That will stand as it is. Everyone has something to repent about always during our lifetime so situations like that never invalidate a Temple ordinance already completed.

To tell your parents he would, normally, ask for your permission to do so, however I can't see the reason why he would if it is only masturbation. But you could ask that question during an interview and be clear that you don't want anyone else to know.

Actually , re-reading your words here it is clear that you feel guilt over the Temple matter and honestly whilst you do need to repent of that, it is something to settle between you and the Lord directly. If you have stopped then there really isn't a need to go to the bishop unless you really feel it necessary. I, personally, wouldn't go to the bishop for this matter here [as you have described it]

Wish you all the best.....:)

[Dravin]

Other church members in some online church text

Okay an online church text by other members says to me something like an online article from the Ensign or New Era, is this what you're speaking of? Or did you mean something else?

[ellechim92]

Okay an online church text by other members says to me something like an online article from the Ensign or New Era, is this what you're speaking of? Or did you mean something else?

It's mainly hearsay on different sites but Elder Richard G. Scott mentioned it too.

Receive the Temple Blessings The last sentence of the second paragraph. That sentence scared me quite a lot.

Also it's the sacrament taking that I am worried about as well because as it says in 1 Corinthians 11:29 anyone who takes it unworthily eats and drinks "damnation to himself". I'm really worried

[Guest]

Damnation is stoppage of progress. It's something you can still change in this life. You're on the path to doing that as you talk to your bishop and let him guide you through repentance. Really, stop beating yourself senseless, and take advantage of the Atonement. :)

[estradling75]

It's mainly hearsay on different sites but Elder Richard G. Scott mentioned it too.

Receive the Temple Blessings The last sentence of the second paragraph. That sentence scared me quite a lot.

Also it's the sacrament taking that I am worried about as well because as it says in 1 Corinthians 11:29 anyone who takes it unworthily eats and drinks "damnation to himself". I'm really worried

I would say you are already feeling the effects of this right now. All the worry, all the stress, the fact that it is taking up a lot of your thoughts. What you are feeling right now is a form of this.

You have two choices... You can choose to not go to the bishop... in which case you are left to struggle on your own. To either try to deny or justify your actions as not being that bad or already being taken care of. How much peace this brings you really depends on how well you can convince yourself.

Your other choice is to go to your bishop... To do whatever part of church discipline is found to be necessary to get out from under these feeling. So that you will be able to stand confident before the Lord in your own mind, knowing you have done what was necessary, and take advantage of Christ promise to heal the troubled soul.

[Dravin]

It's mainly hearsay on different sites but Elder Richard G. Scott mentioned it too.

Receive the Temple Blessings The last sentence of the second paragraph. That sentence scared me quite a lot.

The word "excommunication" doesn't appear in the talk you've linked to, it's possible though that he used a different phrase ("lose membership" or even "membership" aren't in the wording of the talk either though), so if he used a different phrasing would you mind pointing me to it? He does say they are under condemnation but that isn't the same thing as "they will be excommunicated".

Also it's the sacrament taking that I am worried about as well because as it says in 1 Corinthians 11:29 anyone who takes it unworthily eats and drinks "damnation to himself". I'm really worried

The thing you need to remember is to not limit the atonement. It is not good to partake of the sacrament unworthily, nor is it good to attend the temple unworthily, but they are not unpardonable sins.

Edited January 3, 2012 by Dravin

[splash]

I think you are worrying too much about this. Relax. You can repent of this and go forwards! I really don't think you will be disfellowshipped or excommunicated! It seems you feel really guilty and have worried about this for a long time- 8 years. Talking to your bishop will help you feel much better and take the weight off your shoulders. If you confess to the Bishop you will have peace of mind, joy and confidence that you did all you could to properly repent and become clean again. Dont' be scared of the Bishop, he is there to help you.

Masterbation is not that uncommon. Some members even believe it's okay but I don't think its okay. The Church speaks against masterbation for good reasons.

Quite a few people I know well committed MUCH more serious sexual sins that you, confessed and did not get excommunicated, a couple of them were already endowed. It is up to the individual Bishop to decide. Repentance is case by case.

Something a friend of mine mentioned (who was a previous Young Single Adult Bishop) has stuck with me. It makes sense combined with the experiences of those I know well. He stated years ago, the Church was too quick to disfellowship and excommunicate the young adults. They found that very few that went through this process actually made it back into the Church. The shift has been, "we are in the business of saving souls", and we need to be more loving and merciful to those who are sincerely trying to do the right thing.

Edited January 4, 2012 by Pegasus_

[rameumptom]

Pegasus is correct. Recently, I know of a former bishop who was disfellowshipped for adultery. 30 years ago, he would have instantly been excommunicated. So, your case is 99% chance of some formal probation, if you truly repent and speak with your bishop.

[ellechim92]

Thanks so much everyone for your advice and help. I'm going to go to the bishop this Sunday and I'll update you guys on how things went. I hope everything works out okay and I pray that God blesses you for the loving guidance you have all given me. Once again, thank you. :)