wife addicted

[brunissara]

Hello brothers and sisters,

I'm a LDS from Portugal and I am posting for my first time in this forum to ask some advice in how to deal with my wife's addiction to internet.

It all began about 7 years ago. I started a new job that works in 3 shifts (00:00-08:00; 08:00-16:00; and 16:00-24:00) and that kept me out of home several evenings and nights in a month.

About a year later we had our second child, a wonderful girl that I love very much. But because of my schedule, and although I tried to give all my free time to my family, my wife (that was at home raising our 2 children) started to spend more and more time on the internet.

First she started to spend her time in childbirth forums and then in a writers forum (as she decided to start writing in her spare time). In the beginning I didn't mind, as I saw it as a way of make herself busy while our children were at school. But then the housework started to be neglected, then our children were obliged to raise themselves alone when I wasn't at home, since my wife was at home but always in front of the computer and then she started to talk about sexual "jokes" that her "internet friends" played with her. One example of this games was a "friend" of her who jokes about spending all his month earnings in her fictitious internet porn site.

We started to have our arguments because of this internet abuse, specially when she was spending so much time in internet that she started to go to bed every-night about 4 or 5 a.m. when she had to wake up at 7:00 to drive our children to school, spending the rest of the day sleeping for over-tiredness.

Last summer, I was working and our kids were in their summer vacation and we decided that instead of being at home, my wife and children could spend their vacations at my parents' beach house in the south of Portugal and I would join them 2 weeks after. When I joined them my wife told me that she didn't love me anymore. It was a shock, it took me several months to raise myself after that. But she told me that if I love her (like I still do 9 months after that) then I had to let her go and let her be happy. So I left. I was homeless, since I left our house to her and my children and lived with my parents for 5 months (now I live alone in a rented flat). From the 9 paychecks I got from my job since the separation I only received 2 (the other 7 I gave to her to help pay the mortgage and take care of the children) because she started a real estate job where she couldn't get any money yet. The two times she got sick I took care of her, preparing her meals since she couldn't get out of bed. And I don't regret any of this, because my greatest sacrifice is to live without her, the money or home is a small deal when compared with this big loss.

But now comes my children. I have 2 beautiful daughters, 9 and 6. As I told you before, they are living with my wife now (because my schedule doesn't allow me to take care of them as I wanted to since I have to spend some nights out). They are ending a 15 days vacation time now and they spent this vacations with me and my wife's parents. And for 15 days they barely saw their mom. Every weekend I asked my wife if she wanted to spend that weekend with their children and every time she told me no. She gave me excuses like "I am too tired from the week I need to rest" or "My house is a mess I need to do some house work". When I ask my children if they want to spend the weekend with mom they say "No, she spends all day sleeping and we get hungry since she only gets up at 1 or 2 p.m.".

And the reason she wakes up this late is because she spends all her free time (and sometimes working time) on the internet. Sometimes I find posts on Facebook at 4 a.m. in a working day.

Well, the internet took my wife from me. Now I feel that it is taken my children's mom from them.

Do you have any advice on how to save her from this addiction?

I love my wife. I left because she told me that she would be happier this way (it would be easier for me if she'd ask me to cut my right arm off, but I did it anyway). Now I feel that she will never be happy when she neglected all that people that care for her and love her in real life to spend all her time with the so called "internet friends" of her.

Thank you.

[skippy740]

I'm a LDS from Portugal and I am posting for my first time in this forum to ask some advice in how to deal with my wife's addiction to internet.

I'm sorry... but you're asking us??? Online? There's some irony here. I can imagine the conversation: "Honey, you're spending too much time online. So I went online and asked people who spend their time online how to break the addiction cycle... and this is what they told me."

Most of us can't handle our own internet addictions well. (Me included.)

I hope there are others who aren't as addicted as I am... which might be everyone else... :)

I look forward to their replies.

[Bini]

Oops. Double post :]

Edited April 8, 2012 by Bini

[Bini]

I admire your devotion to your wife and your children - it says a lot about you as a person. That said, it sounds like your wife takes the family for granted because (a) she doesn't want you around and yet, she's more than happy to take advantage of your help and (b) she has the kids around but would rather hangout with her internet buddies. Unfortunately, you can't break her addiction - or change her - or make her love you. At this point, I'd focus on the well-being of your children. Are they happy? What are they feeling? Seems like your children have already vocalised this to you.. If your wife can't be bothered to prepare meals for your children and is driving them around town on no sleep (practically) - that's a problem and meanwhile, your kids have to deal with it.

[skalenfehl]

There are many articles on LDS.org about internet addiction. Type those two words in the search bar on that website to find them. Here is one:

Tangled in the Web - Ensign Aug. 2001 - ensign

[brunissara]

Thanks for your help. Skalenfehl thanks for the article. Hope I can help my wife with it.