Tryng to save marriage

[Irishcolleen]

I'd go to the Bishop. If you have pointed out his sin and asked him to repent, the next step according to the Bible is to bring it to another person for help (an authority figure). If he refuses to repent, then it goes to a larger group (I think a "Bishop's court" for Mormons, I may be mistaken). Matthew 18:15 gives advice on this.

[John11111]

For Newly Betrayed Spouses - Marriage Builders® Forums

1.) Step 1 investigate

2.)Confront your spouse that you know

3.)Expose, Expose, Expose - THE strongest weapon you have at your disposal to smash the adultery.

4.)Plan A You know about Love Busters, Disrespectful Judgments, etc. If the confrontation didnt end the affair and exposure hasnt either, Plan A gives you the opportunity to work on yourself and the marriage to show the adulterous spouse what a marriage with you could be like.

5.)Plan B - May last as long as 18 months. (How to Plan B CORRECTLY - Marriage Builders® Forums)

6.) Plan D- Protect yourself and your children you deserve better time to move on.

Seems like you are on step 4 make sure to read that forum post I linked in depth as it goes into detail each step listed.

[StillStanding]

You are right I am on step 4. Some days it is harder than others. It is very hurtful that he won't disclose everythiung to me. But I am trying to work on filling all of his emotional needs and improving myself. Its very hard to keep my spirits up and try when my own needs are not being filled either(I guess the taker in me is out today). Is it okay to go back to step one even if you are working on step 4?

[Guest]

That's why you do the polygraph. So that you can get the answers you need, be assured that he isn't lying to you, and move on from it.

I don't think that using proven methods to fight for your marriage and family is trying to control someone. You're trying to snap him out of the cheater's fog he's in that has made him blind and stupid, so that he CAN choose whether to fight with you, without the influence of his addiction to the affair.

[Guest]

You haven't read what this program is about. Yes, maybe initially they're sorry about being caught. But they need to stop the behavior and get away from the affair to get out of the "fog" that infidelity brings in a person. Then, hopefully, they reach the proper type of remorse and work with the betrayed spouse to rebuild the marriage. It's not about being right or anyone getting what they deserve, because that never happens with infidelity. It's about doing everything you can to save your marriage and family.

[John11111]

Where is your husband at with all of this? Does he ignore it? Is he sorry? Is he willing to work on the marriage? Counseling?

What kind of support do you have at home parents, family, friends?

I would continue to investigate your husband, he has obviously shown that he cannot be trusted.

Operation Investigate - Marriage Builders® Forums

All the stickied posts there will help you and give you the advice and tools you need.

If hes willing to work on the marriage I would suggest maybe going over the emotional needs questionaire if you know his needs it will be easier to focus on the important ones. Maybe he can start meeting your needs as well if he dont know what they are he probably wont do them.

Emotional Needs Questionnaire

Try and keep positive keep your focus on improving yourself either way things go if you work on yourself you will come out better for it in the end.

Edited October 6, 2012 by John11111