Afraid?

[Chrissy3818]

Okay so in the past I had a jerk of a boyfriend who blew me off and stopped contact for no reason... Yeah.. (it's somewhere on here). Gave up waiting, and wanted closure so I sent the dreaded dear john letter.

Now I am afraid. I have a fear that every guy is going to break me and be a jerk like him. I am afraid to begin dating.

My first boyfriend I got a gut feeling that I shouldn't go out with him and I ignored it and look where it got me...

This time I got the gut feeling once (not sure if it was really my gut or just my fear). But I am afraid to get close to any guy (even as friends) that could possibly be my future.

Help?

Edited September 25, 2012 by Chrissy3818

[Guest]

Okay so in the past I had a jerk of a boyfriend who blew me off and stopped contact for no reason... Yeah.. (it's somewhere on here). Gave up waiting, and wanted closure so I sent the dreaded dear john letter.

Now I am afraid. I have a fear that every guy is going to break me and be a jerk like him. I am afraid to begin dating.

My first boyfriend I got a gut feeling that I shouldn't go out with him and I ignored it and look where it got me...

This time I got the gut feeling once (not sure if it was really my gut or just my fear). But I am afraid to get close to any guy (even as friends) that could possibly be my future.

Help?

Easy answer:

Don't date. Worry about other things - like, improving upon yourself, achieving your own dreams, getting yourself stronger physically, materially, emotionally, and especially spiritually.

You'll find that when you're not looking for a guy, the guy just comes to you. And when you've made yourself the person you want to be, then you'll have a clearer vision of what you want in a guy.

[Chrissy3818]

Easy answer:

Don't date. Worry about other things - like, improving upon yourself, achieving your own dreams, getting yourself stronger physically, materially, emotionally, and especially spiritually.

You'll find that when you're not looking for a guy, the guy just comes to you. And when you've made yourself the person you want to be, then you'll have a clearer vision of what you want in a guy.

I am not dating I am just afraid to become a friend to him or even a close friend that could (in 2-5+ years turn into something more)

[Guest]

If the Spirit has warned you against him and the mere thought of him causes you grief, find life elsewhere.

I could have written what you are writing about mumblemumble years ago, almost exactly. Dating a guy that I had gotten promptings not to, having a broken heart, having a hard time moving on, wondering if I should try friendship with him. Let me tell you, you don't need him as a friend. You have other friends. You need distance and time away from him to get perspective. When you get that perspective you'll see that the world still revolves without him in your life, and maybe you'll even remember or learn some things about yourself. Don't trouble yourself with where he fits; close yourself up for restoration and follow anatess's advice.

I'm a fearful person myself, so I understand how you're feeling. Let me leave you with some of my favorite words that have been an enormous strength and comfort and source of confidence to me many times over the years:

2 Timothy 1

7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Think about those words. Those are amazing gifts that God has given us! Use them. . . and one more word of advice. If you can someday find a MAN, not a boy, but a man, who makes you feel powerful, loving, loved, and "of a sound mind", that's the kind you want to try and hold onto. Not the kind that makes you afraid.

[georgia2]

Anatess is right. If you meet someone socially in a group setting while pursuing your own goals and interest, keep it at that. Then if a good man fits in that arena he will continue to see you in that capacity if that is all you will accept. As time goes on if it is a good thing it will become clear to you.

[Chrissy3818]

If the Spirit has warned you against him and the mere thought of him causes you grief, find life elsewhere.

I could have written what you are writing about mumblemumble years ago, almost exactly. Dating a guy that I had gotten promptings not to, having a broken heart, having a hard time moving on, wondering if I should try friendship with him. Let me tell you, you don't need him as a friend. You have other friends. You need distance and time away from him to get perspective. When you get that perspective you'll see that the world still revolves without him in your life, and maybe you'll even remember or learn some things about yourself. Don't trouble yourself with where he fits; close yourself up for restoration and follow anatess's advice.

I'm a fearful person myself, so I understand how you're feeling. Let me leave you with some of my favorite words that have been an enormous strength and comfort and source of confidence to me many times over the years:

2 Timothy 1

7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Think about those words. Those are amazing gifts that God has given us! Use them. . . and one more word of advice. If you can someday find a MAN, not a boy, but a man, who makes you feel powerful, loving, loved, and "of a sound mind", that's the kind you want to try and hold onto. Not the kind that makes you afraid.

No, sorry let me be more clear. I dear johned my ex and have gotten rid of him, but still have unwanted feelings (it's been almost 5 months).

Now there's a new guy I intend to only be friends with. But I am afraid to even be friends with a guy who could potentially lead to something more (maybe maybe not) what if the same thing happens?

[Guest]

Same scripture with the same advice applies.

[Irishcolleen]

Girl, God gives us gut feelings for a reason! The guy my be fine, but the time may be wrong. When it's the right guy and the right time you won't have a doubt. Focus on your relationship with God. WHen the time and guy is right He'll let you know.

Mat. 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."