Ulder Posted March 14, 2013 Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) ... Edited June 4, 2013 by Ulder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted March 14, 2013 Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 Hi, Ulder. If your medication isn't working for you, go back in and consult your physician. There are many options out there and it's not uncommon to go through a trial-and-error process in finding out which medication will work best. In addition, the same medication may not always work as effectively over an extended period of time, and reevaluation may be needed. I went through this personally. Also, maybe a blessing might help relieve some of the inner turmoil? I can relate to a lot of what you've shared and I can appreciate the candidness of your post. It can be difficult to pinpoint why we react the way we do in certain situations, whether that be stubbornness or complete denial, but you acknowledge some of the rooting problems that play a hand in how you respond to your spouse (or others). Self-esteem, from my experience, doesn't grow over night and blossom the next morning. I've had so many of my own self worth issues, it has taken years for me to finally be in a comfortable and peaceful place in my life. What has helped me is to focus and build a relationship with the Lord. While there are people in my life that I can rely on (my husband for example), the Lord is the only one that can lift the weights I burdened upon myself, if I seek after Him. I would just say, if you aren't already, to talk with Him often - about anything and everything. Let whatever out is bothering you, and He will listen. Secondly, if you're finding that you're using your spouse or anyone else as a punching bag when you're feeling crappy, give yourself a time-out before the escalation, and find a place where you can unwind and gather thoughts. When I get irritated or reach my boiling point, I can be very cruel towards my husband and he is the most gentleman.. When I fly off the handle - it's too late - the words that come out of my mouth are already said. So I've learned (and he's understood) that when I need a minute, I'll say: "I can't do this right now. Just leave me alone for a bit." Then after I've collected myself, where I'm not going to spew venomous words, we'll talk again. There was a time when I used to push those I love away from me, to protect myself but I've since learned that it only causes pain. Again, consider a blessing. I think that might help, along with re-checking with your pdoc about medication. Best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted March 14, 2013 Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 I have low selfesteem, i was bullied as a child, and my older brother liked to show his superiority over me in many ways. I had a very strict upbringing, and when i divorced few yeas ago my now ex-wife and her lawyer and the social authorities repeatedly told me what a horrible person i was... i am now in a relationship with a wonderful sweet woman, but my past is haunting me, i am extremely sensitive to criticism, i have a hard time feeling appreciated and loved because i am not used to being appreciated and loved! I take out much built-up anger and bitterness on her sometimes when i have a bad day. I have been taking anti-depressive pills for a few months but dont really feel any difference..i dont want to ruin this relationship! Any advice what i should do to feel calmer inside, and stop being so sensitive and not be mean to her? i have been in therapy two years but it didnt help much either, apart from making me realize and remember things from my childhood and upbringing i had kinda repressed. But it hasnt really made me a calmer, more peaceful person inside...Among other people im Shy and quiet, but towards the people i really know and are close to, i can be bossy and controlling, and obsessive with details... There is something that you said that reminded me of the Testimony of Glenn Beck. (No, I'm not getting political here. But you can find what I'm talking about here: DeseretBook.com - An Unlikely Mormon: The Conversion Story of Glenn Beck DVD by Glenn Beck)Anyway, it's been a while since I've seen it. But Glenn talked about a time when he was dating his future wife... that he felt he was taking 'goodness' and love from her without being able to replenish it. He was in a dark place in his life at that time. He then related what she said, which was something along the lines of "I know, that's why I'm here." She made him a better person by being with him... and it created in him a desire to want to be a better person for her.If you haven't, talk to her. Tell her how much your relationship really means to you, and that you're having trouble in reciprocating that. It will take a lot of strength to talk about your weaknesses... but I think it may be a good healthy step for a good healthy relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted March 14, 2013 Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 Ulder, I know you said you have been in therapy for two years...but I am still going to suggest therapy. I have been in therapy for three years now... It is helping, but I still have a long way to go. Ask yourself how long did the did the bullying and other issues of your childhood last? Can you reasonably expect those issues to be healed quickly?Childhood is such an important time in the formation of a human being...and when the childhood is harmful, it causes scars for adulthood that take a long time to heal. More than two years likely. . .My other suggestion is meditation. You can get a brief introduction, and LDS perspective and understanding how it could help you in this podcast:144–145: The Kingdom of God is Within You—Believing It, Trusting It, Accessing It | Mormon Matters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulder Posted March 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) ... Edited June 4, 2013 by Ulder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsMagnolia Posted March 15, 2013 Report Share Posted March 15, 2013 You may not like my answer...but it is something I had to work hard at myself. You need to forgive and let go of the anger and bitterness toward your parents and brother. You have a poison inside of you. That poison is bitterness and holding on to things that happened so long ago. I am not negating the fact that you went through some tough things. What I am saying is. I acknowledge the fact that you DID go through some tough things. Now as an adult and as a person who has taken upon him the name of Christ you need to let go of the hurt and anger and forgive. It will be hard (mine was definately not easy) and it will be a battle with your "natural man" who wants you to be miserable but when you win it (and win it you will) you will find the peace and joy that only come through the Atonement of Christ. I wish you well on your journey. Mags Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brycematheson Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 Part of moving on with your life is forgetting and moving forward. Faith NEVER looks back. Faith always looks towards the Future. I say that you forget everything that happened in the past, and just move onto the next stage of your life. Also, I think it might be worth mentioning that not everything can be fixed with Faith and Prayer. Those are huge parts of it, but there are certain things in life that you simply can't get past until you go and talk to a counselor. Maybe try speaking with your Bishop or getting in contact with Family Services. They've worked miracles for people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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