I have a friend...

[JayVee]

No, seriously.

I met another missionary during my mission, about 10 years ago, who was lost. He was there because he was supposed to be there, but didn't have a good understanding of the gospel, had never read the BoM, etc... We ended up sharing an apartment (with different companions) and quickly became friends. We read together, studied together, and I believe that through this experience, he really began to appreciate the spirit, the gospel, and especially, the scriptures. Once I got transferred, we remained close, and though he now lives on another continent, we have kept contact (Facebook, email, etc.).

Now, almost a decade later, he tells me that he is no longer going to church, no longer reading the scriptures, though he DOES profess to believe in God. He also tells me that he is gay.

That led to an exchange of doctrine involving references to scripture, references from lds.org, etc. The whole time I made sure that he knew that I don't believe that it is "okay" top be in a homosexual relationship, and kind of left it at that. He told me he would look through things and get back to me.

We kept up sporadically, talking about movies, games, etc., but nothing spiritually-related. Nearly a year later, I get a message from a mutual (missionary) friend that this person was threatening to kill himself. I reached out to him, of course, and told him, among other things, that I would always be his friend, would pray for him, etc. You know, be the best friend I can be from half a world away...

Anyways, today I got a long email from the guy, telling me he urgently needed my prayers because he "asked God for a boyfriend," and he feels God led him to "Sam" who lives in the USA, and they're madly in love, but neither can afford to move across the ocean to be together. He wants me to pray for them to get money, or family support, or something...

What the heck am I supposed to do? He knows my position, but I feel I can't exactly "call him to repentance" like I tried to do (gently) before. I also cannot support his wishes or desires, though I really care for him as a friend -- he is one of the kindest, gentlest people I've ever met.

He's extremely overweight (proudly!), and often severely depressed. I've suggested he visit a doctor, and I believe he has -- he's on medication for diabetes (insulin?) but I don't know about depression. Let me know if there's any other relevant information I've left out...

I just feel helpless in this situation.

[Smeagums]

Pray for him. You don't have to pray for those specific things but you can pray that the Lord will bless him to do what is right and for what is best for him. All people, even the wicked, need prayers. I am not saying your friend is wicked. Satan and the world is just fighting for his soul.

[Roseslipper]

The best thing is to stay his friend, because he is so far in distance the only things u can do for him is pray, pray that he gets the help he needs.if u have his home address u can get the missionaries over or some how his Bishop, and put his name in the temple.

Love the person, help if u can. Satan is real he makes temptations off all sorts very tempting, hate the sin, dont support the sin. I'm fighting temptation right now, its not easy. Gods helping me the sister missionaries text me thumbs up how did they know my best friend called asked me if I was going to class tonight Old testament I said yes, (in my mind I thought thats the only good thing I have to look forward too) she doesnt drive bad eyes and asked me if we wanted to go early pick up some sandwiches and go to the beach before class, cause its so beautiful out. See God does notice us and helps us, its usually through another person.

Those temptations of same sex if were born with them, or some how we pick them up, we dont know or understand, but that's his trail.....with the right help he can get over it...I mean have the strenght to fight it, and Know that Heavenly Father loves him and wants him to win his battles (temptations, sins).to be loved is what we all want, can u just imagine how hard it is for him, having these feelings and being in the church as well.

I think but not sure, that the church has classes, meeting where u can get help with this.

Edited March 20, 2013 by Roseslipper

[BadWolf]

I suggest praying for him & asking for blessings & all good things for your friend. Let those with better understanding shape those as they see fit. KWIM? That keeps you honest, as well, as you can tell your friend exactly what you prayed for.

If you haven't stumbled across this, yet, the church launched a new website over the holidays:

Mormons and Gays

You may find some of what either of you are looking for, there. As there is great info both for gay people AND their families.

[rameumptom]

Tell him that you will pray for him, but not for a relationship that you do not feel is condoned by God. Tell him that joy and happiness are found in God, not in a physical or emotional attraction. Don't call him to repentance, but call him to develop his relationship with God, to seek God's will and not his own. Then leave it at that.

[Just_A_Guy]

"'Sam' - you and I may not agree on how you can reach true happiness in your current situation; but please know that I am praying for you to receive a fulness of joy through whatever means God feels is appropriate. Much love, --JayVee."

Any demands for clarification, etc. from him are pure drama/martyr-playing/emotional maniipulation and need not be responded to.

[Roseslipper]

I suggest praying for him & asking for blessings & all good things for your friend. Let those with better understanding shape those as they see fit. KWIM? That keeps you honest, as well, as you can tell your friend exactly what you prayed for.

If you haven't stumbled across this, yet, the church launched a new website over the holidays:

Mormons and Gays

You may find some of what either of you are looking for, there. As there is great info both for gay people AND their families.

what kwim mean??

[BadWolf]

what kwim mean??

Know what I mean

[BadWolf]

No, seriously.

I met another missionary during my mission, about 10 years ago, who was lost. He was there because he was supposed to be there, but didn't have a good understanding of the gospel, had never read the BoM, etc... We ended up sharing an apartment (with different companions) and quickly became friends. We read together, studied together, and I believe that through this experience, he really began to appreciate the spirit, the gospel, and especially, the scriptures. Once I got transferred, we remained close, and though he now lives on another continent, we have kept contact (Facebook, email, etc.).

Now, almost a decade later, he tells me that he is no longer going to church, no longer reading the scriptures, though he DOES profess to believe in God. He also tells me that he is gay.

That led to an exchange of doctrine involving references to scripture, references from lds.org, etc. The whole time I made sure that he knew that I don't believe that it is "okay" top be in a homosexual relationship, and kind of left it at that. He told me he would look through things and get back to me.

We kept up sporadically, talking about movies, games, etc., but nothing spiritually-related. Nearly a year later, I get a message from a mutual (missionary) friend that this person was threatening to kill himself. I reached out to him, of course, and told him, among other things, that I would always be his friend, would pray for him, etc. You know, be the best friend I can be from half a world away...

Anyways, today I got a long email from the guy, telling me he urgently needed my prayers because he "asked God for a boyfriend," and he feels God led him to "Sam" who lives in the USA, and they're madly in love, but neither can afford to move across the ocean to be together. He wants me to pray for them to get money, or family support, or something...

What the heck am I supposed to do? He knows my position, but I feel I can't exactly "call him to repentance" like I tried to do (gently) before. I also cannot support his wishes or desires, though I really care for him as a friend -- he is one of the kindest, gentlest people I've ever met.

He's extremely overweight (proudly!), and often severely depressed. I've suggested he visit a doctor, and I believe he has -- he's on medication for diabetes (insulin?) but I don't know about depression. Let me know if there's any other relevant information I've left out...

I just feel helpless in this situation.

I just wanted to chime in again... Because Ive been thinking... But know these are just my thoughts and experiences.

- Ive had some reeeeeally bad things happen to me in my own life that I believe we're divinely inspired. Things that on the surface look as much like blessing as a piece of toast does a porche. And yet, if they hadn't happened FIRST, I know without a doubt I couldn't have survived what came later. As awful and horrible as they were, they were gifts from God, that I actually treasure. Not for any inherant goodness (we're talking some vile things), but because they made me strong enough to cope (even if coping badly) with what was to come.

... I keep thinking of what your friend said to you: That God led him to "Sam". I don't necessarilly discount this. Meaning... May be. Also maybe not. This "Sam" could be completely unled/uninspired/desperation. Or he could be EXACTLY who Friend needs in his life, at this moment, to shape Friend into his best self. Whether that's through positive means (self confidence, learning love, even making an unpopular decision... Hundreds and hundreds of the beneficial things a person can "get" out of pursuing and being on a relationship) OR whether its negative (broken heart, feeling used, feeling incomplete, losing himself, amongst hundreds of negative things one can "get" in a relationship).

I'm not God. I can't say or see what will happen.

But Ive seen the "mysterious ways" thing often enough... That Im loathe to discount the possibility.

Let me tell you about someone not really named Abby.

Stealing is a sin.

If Abby hadn't been stealing cars, she'd never have been adopted by her parents. Never grown up into the amaaaaazing young woman she is today. Never gotten an education, married, become a mom that I freely co-opt her stuff from all the time. Never been the big sister to her adoptive parents. We talk about "lost years" fairly often. In Abby's case, boosting cars kept her out of prostitution, and landed her smack dab in a loving family. Is stealing cars wrong? Absolutely. Her stealing undoubtedly had untold negative effects across the board. To many people.

Hate the SIN.

The life she leads now would not have been possible without that sin. Doesn't make it not sinful. It does make several key instances in her life divinely inspired. When she snuck out and learned to Hotwire. When she smacked her first/last "John", and took his car instead of his body. When she took the car that felt "right", several years later, "right" in front of a cop. When she opened her heart to her adoptive family. At key points in her life, the Spirit took what he had to work with, and she listened.

Now... The spirit could well have been shouting and waving his arms to try to get her to do an award winning social studies paper that would have had the same outcome... But the first thing she could "hear" was to eavesdrop on the hot wiring lesson the boys were getting... Because part of what the spirit has "to work with" ... Is US.

Love the Sinner.

.....

In my own life, Ive learned to TRY and listen to what feels RIGHT.

Because even if it doesn't make much sense in my head looking forward, it makes perfect sense looking back.

So, while before I suggested you pray for XYZ?

I take it back.

Pray for what's right for YOU.

For what YOU should do.

How to be the best person you can be to help with your friend.

I don't know what that will look like.

But whatever it is will feel right, and be right, for you.

All my best.

BW

[brycematheson]

I think it's important to stand firm in your beliefs and continu to let him know that you don't support his decision in leading a homosexual lifestyle. But obviously, continue to do all you can to support him. And obviously, just like everyone else has mentioned, prayers are a HUGE part of that. Constantly, constantly be praying for him. Keep in contact and continue to let him know that you are there for him.

And this may sound bad, but ultimately, he has his agency...