I'm scared my spouses addiction will tear us apart.

[abc23]

I've been married for 5 years. About 2 years into our marriage my husband hold me he had been masturbating. I felt betrayed and I questioned a lot. Eventually we moved on but it happened several times again. Sometime he would confront me and tell me but other times I could feel he was distant and when I asked him if it happened again he would admit to it.

One night about 2 years ago I found out my husband had watched a video on youtube of a girl doing a strip tease. Shortly after that I found an app on his phone of picture of women in lingerie. I was devastated, he was devastated. I saw how upset he was and it's like I immediately forgave him and wanted to help him. Deep down I felt hurt but ignored those feelings to try and help him. I've had problems feeling intimately close to him ever since but I hid that from him and have pretended everything was ok because I just wanted everything to be normal again.

We had about 2 good years and then last night my husband told me an previous work associate messaged him on Facebook. She told him inappropriate things she was going to do to her husband and then continued to ask my husband questions about intimate things. What he liked in the bedroom? Who was dominant? If he would ever cheat on me. He answered her questions and asked her the same things. He told me that he told her he would never cheat on me. He told me this originally happened a month ago and he deleted her and the messages later that night it happened. He then told me she contacted him two weeks ago and asked him why he was being a jerk. He said he marked her message as spam and never responded.

Last night I was looking into his Facebook and found the second message from her asking him why he was being a jerk. Turns out that was only 4 days ago. I found it weird that he would lie about a small detail. I don't know if I can trust him and I don't know what would give this women the opinion that she could talk to my husband this way.

I feel numb right now. Angry, sad but I don't find myself expressing either emotion. What do I do?? I find myself justifying this for him thinking it could of been worse but then I also feel scared for our future. Infidelity starts somewhere. Is that where he is headed??

[Still_Small_Voice]

I would encourage your husband to get involved in the Addiction Recovery program. Go to:

LDSAR.org - LDS Addiction Recovery through writing, blogging, and sharing

Visit the site with him and get involved with him as he goes through the steps of addiction recovery.

[Praetorian_Brow]

The only issues that will tear you apart are the ones that you want to tear you apart. Take ownership of the issue as a couple. Recognize that your relationship is there to work issues out.

Its amazing to see how many people chose running away, or blame as their option instead of working together.

[mdfxdb]

I feel numb right now. Angry, sad but I don't find myself expressing either emotion. What do I do?? I find myself justifying this for him thinking it could of been worse but then I also feel scared for our future. Infidelity starts somewhere. Is that where he is headed??

Infidelity starts with small steps. I would worry more about his fb texting than anything else. The other stuff is a result of his wandering eye/mind. Both you and he need to resolve the underlying issues behind his wanting to flirt with other women.

[MrPickles]

Infidelity starts with small steps. I would worry more about his fb texting than anything else. The other stuff is a result of his wandering eye/mind. Both you and he need to resolve the underlying issues behind his wanting to flirt with other women.

While his masturbation is an issue that should be addressed. I agree with FXDB, the more serious issues lie with his communication on FB. Why is he seeking out attention from other women? You put this on the other woman for asking the questions, but it is a 2 way street, he responded and asked her the same questions. His responses were correct he said he would never cheat on you or claims that he said that (of course he deleted the conversation) but the bottom line is that he participated in the conversation, and did not put a stop to it as soon as it crossed the line.

I view his masturbation as a separate issue.