In a relationship with a non-LDS

[mbsheen]

Hey there, I've joined this site to find some help and support.

The holy ghost touched my heart whilst reading about LDS,

I had never met a Mormon or missionary in my entire life!

I studied LDS on my own terms and decided to contact missionaries.

& have been meeting up with them.

I am due to be baptized soon. I know in my heart it's all true &

want my children to have what I now know to be true.

I have two children, and a partner who isn't very supportive of my

decision to be a member of LDS. Knowing what I now know from

learning and reading the gospel.. my eyes have been opened to

the person my partner really is and he isn't nice. He isn't supporting me,

he is very cold and mean. He wants nothing to do with this, and doesn't

show any interested or care what I'm going through (which being a

mormon convert is a huge life changing thing to me) he flat out doesn't

want to hear it. I don't know how to feel or what to do. I want to live

true to the gospel, and that can either mean, marrying him (because we

live together) or leave him. (we have been engaged for a year now!)

I prayed to heavenly father to touch my partners heart as he has mine

and to show him the truth. But I now see if he doesn't want to see the truth

then he wont. I asked God what to do and that night I had a dream I

left him and married a wonderful LDS man. I don't know if it was just a

dream or Heavenly Father telling me I should get out of this while I can.

Can people who believe in what we do, be with someone who doesn't?

Can it work? Do you know of anyone who has made that work?

Right now I'm feeling discouraged and sad. I feel like it can not happen.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thankyou.

[BadWolf]

I'm a relatively new convert, so I'm sure you'll receive better answers from others who've seen more, longer.

That said:

I know a lot of LDS folks married to non-LDS folk. 8 or so (that I know of) in my ward, alone... But Ive known far more from back when I was in the military.

CAN it work? Sure thing.

WILL it work? No telling.

Its entirely dependent on the individuals involved.

What concerns me, is that you describe your fiancé as cold & mean.

WHY ON EARTH would you want to marry someone who is cold & mean? Regardless of their faith.

[mbsheen]

Because I do love him, I feel stuck in a rut and it's hard to leave when I have my children to think about too. Sometimes I could leave, but then the thought of him with another person is just too heart wrenching.

In saying that - if i did leave. Would LDS members even be interested in me?

I have lots of tattoos and what not. forever alone?

[Guest]

I was a devout Catholic when I married my LDS husband. I had no intentions of converting. We agreed to respect each other's faith practice. Also, we agreed that if we have children prior to us having an agreement on religious membership, our children will be raised Catholic.

We were just fine going to separate churches for 4 years. As it happened, the Catholic Church shared a parking lot with the LDS ward so we would both go to the Catholic Church mass and then cross the parking lot to attend Sacrament meeting then go home. I wouldn't go to Sunday School so my husband would just drive me home and go back to church to attend Sunday School.

My husband, of course, hoped for an eternal companion - somebody he can marry in the temple. It didn't work out that way. He felt very strongly - against the advice of his parents - that I was his forever regardless of my being Catholic. He had faith that since I was always seeking God's will in all things that I would eventually find truth, whether in this life or the next. And he was willing to wait for me to find it even if it means waiting past mortality.

Why this worked - we have absolute respect for each other. It didn't matter our differences - and there are a jillion of them as we came from different cultural backgrounds. Our respect for each other is paramount regardless of whether we agree or not agree. This was one of my requirements in looking for a spouse.

[mbsheen]

that's great, and how lucky to have such respect for each other.

I think my partner is still just immature. I see potential in the person he could become.

Not that he isn't good to a certain extent now.. he just lacks the maturity

to show interest in me and LDS and ask about it and why i'm doing this.

BECAUSE IT MATTERS TO ME. i support him in everything, even things i don't like.

I want to be sealed for all eternity too, i was under the impression i could

do so with a non LDS and the missionaries didn't tell me otherwise.

At least being catholic you still have that relationship with God.

I feel like that's what my partner is lacking, though I know I could never force him.

I just feel if he did have some form of religion he would at least want the best for my kids

And have better morals than he does. it's definitely hard

[Dravin]

I want to be sealed for all eternity too, i was under the impression i could

do so with a non LDS and the missionaries didn't tell me otherwise.

Did you ask them? It just may have never occurred to them you were thinking along a certain line. You won't be able to be sealed to a non-member. The sealing happens in the temple and has prerequisite covenants, and adherence to those covenants, the first of which is baptism. If he's deceased then he can be sealed by proxy (someone living stands in for him on his behalf), but it's performed under assumption that the prerequisite conversion and covenants are accepted by the deceased.

[Anddenex]

In saying that - if i did leave. Would LDS members even be interested in me?

I have lots of tattoos and what not. forever alone?

I think you need to become familiar with the young woman who joined the Church and her story, she calls herself "Tattooed Mormon."

Edited April 12, 2013 by Anddenex
you changed to who

[BadWolf]

Feeling compelled to add Divorced-Chicks-2-cents:

I hope your partner is all things good, and you're just cranky with him for not being where you're at spiritually speaking.

That said:

We can't choose who we fall in love with, but we CAN choose who we marry.

1) Love isn't enough.

- Every battered wife/husband loves their spouse. We can EASILY love people who are dangerous, hurt us, treat us badly. Every spouse of an addict, pedophile, batterer, etc... Clings to the total FALSE idea that "love conquers all". It does not.

- You WILL fall in and OUT of love with your spouse. During times when you're not in love with them, there needs to be "more" that binds you to them (liking, respect, admiration, regard, etc.) while you wait/work on feeling love for them again.

= Therefore, choose whom you marry exceedingly carefully

2) Mutual Respect isn't "lucky"... Its a baseline.

- If you're with someone who does not respect you, break up with them.

- If you're with someone you cannot respect, break up with them.

.... You're never going to be perfect, and neither will your partner. You will both do stupid things. Respect is NOT a wholesale support of every decision ever made by, or every action undertaken by you or your partner. A true friend will tell you you're being an idiot (in a way you can hear) from time to time. A true friend will also be wrong, from time to time. Mutual respect is not being supportive all the time. Mutual respect is often that one is respected enough to get the "Whoa!" treatment. Mutual respect does not mean that there are no fights. Mutual respect conducts the way those fights are undertaken. Respect is a complicated creature, because its so simple : I. Respect. You. And that colors every interaction I will ever have with you. DISrespect, ditto.

3) Having been married (for 11 years) and divorced OUTSIDE the church, I have no idea whether the LDS church has "pre-marriage classes" as the Catholic Church does. My brother & his future wife were in the CC, and I looked over those materials (about 3 years into my own marriage) and was FLOORED. My husband and I never would have "passed". At the time au had something of a haughty superiority complex (WE were REALLY in love. WE didn't need some outside person/program to tell US, WE weren't entering into some sort of business arrangement... Sneer/Snide/Gag Me.)

If the LDS church has such classes... TAKE THEM UP ON IT!!!

What I DO know is that there is a LOT of information from primary to conference talks on what make a good/strong/lasting marriage. I was in tears this just past conference (serious despair & regret) ... As again and again, everything my marriage was NOT, dcerything i FOUGHT for in my marriage (and failed/lost) was so strongly outlined. I wished Id had ANYONE "kick some knowledge" so clearly to me when I was contemplating "yes", much less before "I do."

.... As i said in the beginning: You may just have "I love the gospel!"'goggles on... And are in the best possible of relationships, but are just hyperfocused on eternity. You may be in the worst possible of relationships and have "But I luuuuurve him!" Blindfold on. Please. Focus on the temporal. That's where your children will be shaped into adults. Where you & he will spend your conscious hours, create your dreams/goals, work to achieve them.

... I can't tell you to stay/go. I don't know you or him, & won't venture to (outside of blatant abuse).

But do seek out counsel who can help you formulate BEYOND love.