What now?

[Archer]

Hello

Hopefully someone can give me some help. My wife had an affair about two years ago, I caught her and she admitted it. Since then we have gone to counseling and have tried to put our marriage back together. My wife refused to go and confess to the bishop, she always said that she was to scared to do it. I told her it was up to her and it was something that I couldnt do for her. I kind of wanted her to take the lead on that part of the affair because I was the one the found us a counselor made the appointments and did allot of the work to keep the marriage together.

Well she has was recently called to be the first counselor in the relief society and when she met with the Bishop she mentioned that she had an affair. Later that night we both went down and met with the bishop, whom I am friends with outside of church, anyhow we barely talked about the affair he told us that he was not going to involve the 1st and 2nd counselors and that we could just talk about it. He said that we would meet again in about three weeks. That was almost 4 months ago.

To be honest I kind of feel like my bishop may have dropped the ball on this a bit, here is where I need some help. I grew up my whole life thinking adultery was such a big sin, and now it seems like it has just been swept under the rug. My wife doesnt want to talk about it, my bishop doesnt want to talk about it, she is the first counselor in the relief society, takes the sacrement every week, and I honestly feel that she would have never gone to the bishop until he called her in.

I will admit that I am still hurt, this has been a very very heavy load for me to carry. It has kind of rocked my testimony and I am not feeling very comfortable at church. I always thought adultery was a serious sin... is it? Maybe it is so common that the church is dealing with it differently. I will talk with my bishop, maybe he forgot about it, and in all honesty that is probably what it is. I know they have allot on thier plate.

Has anyone been through anything like this with thier spouse? How was it dealt with? Is adultery a major sin, maybe I am making more out of this, I will admit I am still hurt and I still dont understand what happened with the affair in the first place, so maybe it is me.

Thank you in advance.

Edited April 27, 2013 by Archer
spelling

[Guest]

I would make an appointment to discuss it with the bishop.

[Anddenex]

Well she has was recently called to be the first counselor in the relief society and when she met with the Bishop she mentioned that she had an affair. Later that night we both went down and met with the bishop, whom I am friends with outside of church, anyhow we barely talked about the affair he told us that he was not going to involve the 1st and 2nd counselors and that we could just talk about it. He said that we would meet again in about three weeks. That was almost 4 months ago.

Bishopric counselors are not to be involved with any discussions of worthiness, unless a disciplinary council is required. In such cases as with your wife's adultery, a disciplinary council most likely should be an option; however, that is between the bishop and your wife.

Bishops are very busy man and at times get distracted. Help your bishop by actually calling his executive secretary and setting up an appointment.

To be honest I kind of feel like my bishop may have dropped the ball on this a bit, here is where I need some help. I grew up my whole life thinking adultery was such a big sin, and now it seems like it has just been swept under the rug. My wife doesnt want to talk about it, my bishop doesnt want to talk about it, she is the first counselor in the relief society, takes the sacrement every week, and I honestly feel that she would have never gone to the bishop until he called her in.

Adultery is a serious sin, second unto murder. When called, she should have been sustained by the ward and even by you. Hindsight, you shouldn't have allowed the sustaining to take place. If the bishop knows she committed adultery, then you have another option and that is to speak with your stake president.

Call the executive secretary, setup an appointment with the bishop, and discuss these concerns. If he isn't willing to listen and act, then speak with your stake president. This maybe very awkward for him also, especially if you are good friends outside of the ward.

I will admit that I am still hurt, this has been a very very heavy load to carry for me to carry. It has kind of rocked my testimony and I am not feeling very comfortable at church.

I know this type of experience is very difficult on the partner who is seeking to forgive their spouse while trying to save their marriage also. I am sure this weighs deeply on your soul. Remember, when Christ suffered he turned toward his Father for comfort, he did not turn away from him.

Continue to turn toward the Lord. Continue to pray and read your scriptures. Some events in our lives take more time to heal and overcome the pain and heartache.

Best wishes to you brother.

[SomebodySomewhere101]

Adultery is a huge sin. There are only two things in this world that directly effect life and God protects zealously. That is the ability to take life out of this world and to bring life into it. God has foreordained mankind with the rights to create life, but only within the bonds of marriage. Without the bonds of marriage it is the most despicable sin below murder in the sight of God.

I have made mistakes regarding chastity in my life, but have worked them out with my bishop and vowed to never return to them. Remember, your bishop is not just there to confess to, but to be a spiritual coach to give you the strength to push through this rough spot in your life and give you the strength to forsake the sin forever.

That being said, the bishop is the coach not the player. He will tell you to go do something and then report. To exercise and then turn in your exercise logs essentially as an analogy. It is not his responsibility to set up the meetings or to do these tasks for you. That is left up to you. Your bishop has not forgotten you, in fact, he is probably more concerned than you could imagine. (Again take this from somebody experienced.) He wants nothing more than to help you over come this, but you have to take the action. You need to get a hold of the clerk in your ward and set up an appointment with him (or even recurring appointments, such as an appointment at the same time every other week.) This will help him to help you and your wife.

Lastly, this is a hard thing to deal with, but if you turn to the Lord and look to him to make you stronger. Let him bear the weight of the yoke for you, you can make for as the lord said, "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:30 KJV) Pray for strength and know that you shall receive what you ask for and are in need of with full faith and it will be given to you.

Best of wishes and luck to you and your wive. Forever lean on the Lord.

-SomebodySomewhere

[Vort]

Hello

Hopefully someone can give me some help. My wife had an affair about two years ago, I caught her and she admitted it. Since then we have gone to counseling and have tried to put our marriage back together. My wife refused to go and confess to the bishop, she always said that she was to scared to do it. I told her it was up to her and it was something that I couldnt do for her. I kind of wanted her to take the lead on that part of the affair because I was the one the found us a counselor made the appointments and did allot of the work to keep the marriage together.

Well she has was recently called to be the first counselor in the relief society and when she met with the Bishop she mentioned that she had an affair. Later that night we both went down and met with the bishop, whom I am friends with outside of church, anyhow we barely talked about the affair he told us that he was not going to involve the 1st and 2nd counselors and that we could just talk about it. He said that we would meet again in about three weeks. That was almost 4 months ago.

To be honest I kind of feel like my bishop may have dropped the ball on this a bit, here is where I need some help. I grew up my whole life thinking adultery was such a big sin, and now it seems like it has just been swept under the rug. My wife doesnt want to talk about it, my bishop doesnt want to talk about it, she is the first counselor in the relief society, takes the sacrement every week, and I honestly feel that she would have never gone to the bishop until he called her in.

I will admit that I am still hurt, this has been a very very heavy load for me to carry. It has kind of rocked my testimony and I am not feeling very comfortable at church. I always thought adultery was a serious sin... is it? Maybe it is so common that the church is dealing with it differently. I will talk with my bishop, maybe he forgot about it, and in all honesty that is probably what it is. I know they have allot on thier plate.

Has anyone been through anything like this with thier spouse? How was it dealt with? Is adultery a major sin, maybe I am making more out of this, I will admit I am still hurt and I still dont understand what happened with the affair in the first place, so maybe it is me.

Thank you in advance.

"Bishop, four months ago we came to you because my wife committed adultery. You said we would meet again in three weeks, but we haven't met since. What's up?"