How to accept their marriage?

[Guest ldsashley]

My husband didn't have a father figure growing up, so a friend's father became the man he has called "dad" since he was a young teenager. This man took him in (not physically into his house, but treated him like a family member), gave him good advice as a he grew up, and basically taught him what it was to be an LDS man. When we were dating, my husband introduced me to him as his father, and we spent a lot of time with their family and we have considered them family. We even used his name as our first child's middle name.

A few years ago, everything changed. He decided to leave his wife for another woman (her best friend), and all 3 of them claimed this was from God. They said God told them all to do this, because the other woman would've completely lost faith if she didn't find a good husband. They said this was another form of polygamy, and that the 3 of them would be together eternally, but since the church doesn't currently allow polygamy, he had to leave his wife first. They were extremely pushy about it, and anyone who didn't agree was told "You don't understand because you're not spiritual enough. If you were closer to Heavenly Father, like we are, He would tell you this is true". It was awful and alienated almost all of their children from them. One daughter who was on the brink of leaving the church actually decided to leave because of this.

The first wife left the country when all this happened. He and the second wife stayed and are still living in the same house. But the relationship my husband and I had to them has totally changed. It's very awkward now, and it doesn't help that the second wife constantly tells us how much she loves us (even though she barely actually knows us). Before all this, we saw them once a week. Now they are always too busy, even though we've tried to make an effort to see them. We didn't even see them at all last Christmas, and we live in the same ward!

I know their choices are really none of our business and we should leave it between them and the Lord but it's hard. Now, we just found out that the First Presidency has approved them being sealed in the temple. It was a long road for them, especially because they were told by every level of priesthood leader that this was absolutely not of God, and absolutely did not fit with the church's doctrine of marriage. They have never told us if they feel they made a mistake, and they've never apologized for being so condescending about all of it. But they want us to go to the temple sealing and I dont' know how I feel about it.

Part of me says I knew this was wrong from the beginning, so how can I support it now?

Part of me says if the First Presidency approved it, who am I not to support it? I just don't know how to accept it and feel completely fine with it...Help!

[skippy740]

But they want us to go to the temple sealing and I dont' know how I feel about it.

Yes you do. You already said it here:

I know their choices are really none of our business and we should leave it between them and the Lord but it's hard.

Things happen. Here's my advice on this: the old relationship is dead. It is forever changed, and sometimes, you cannot go back to the way things used to be.

This man who was a father figure, was there when your husband needed him, and was the man he needed him to be... at that time. Now it's different and you need to make new choices based on new facts.

I think you've already made that choice, but you're afraid to admit it to yourself and your husband.

[person122]

Sounds like a strange situation. I would definately talk to them and find out if they have changed. I definately would not go to show support if their view has not changed. A temple sealing is very serious. Do you think they are avoiding you because they feel guilty? Or are they avoiding you because they are mad and more spiritusl than you? Good luck! How does your husband feel about it?

[Praetorian_Brow]

I am not sure how your opinion of their life choices has any merit and wonder if it is any of your business. The circumstances of my father remarrying his ex-girlfriend were bizarre, but it is their decision to have that relationship and non of my business to dismiss it, demean it, or belittle it. They are two adults who are dedicated to each other and my theories, opinions or knowledge has no bearing on their relationship as to gossip and to judge, only diminishes the relationship I would have with my father and step mother.

Mind your own beeswax applies here. Snubbing the marriage, regardless of the opinions of others, would only diminish the relationship you and your husband have with them.

[apexviper]

I can tell you that their sealing will not be valid. On paper, sure. But, Heavenly Father does not seal the unrepentant soul to another. Heavenly Father will absolutely NOT tell someone to cheat on their spouse. That couple has a LOT to learn. Even if he didn't do it on paper, he broke his sealing to his first wife by his actions. He will have a long repentance process. I pray he doesn't partake of the sacrament because doing so unworthily is partaking it unto condemnation.

Either way, it will be Heavenly Father to judge, not us.

Edited November 16, 2013 by apexviper

[classylady]

Assume they have repented. If they have been given the okay to be sealed, it is not our place to continually judge them for their past mistake. If they haven't truly repented it will be taken care of in the next life. Let it go.

Forgiving them, and not judging them does not mean you are required to remain their friend. The dynamics of the old relationship is no longer there.