Lonely convert

[me_1]

I have been lurking here for some time, but havent posted anything until now. I was baptised into the church two months ago and ever since then I have felt so alone. I belong to a small ward in an area where there aren't many mormons, and am a young single adult which there are even fewer of :).

I expected to have to work hard inorder to get into the mormon "culture" and the culture within my ward and have been doing that. When I was investigating the church everyone was nice and helpful, but as soon as I was baptised everyone disapeared and distanced themselves and now I am left on my own trying to figure things out among people that have been members all of their lives and that have known each other for years.

For example, this weekend I'll be going to the temple for the first time. In order to get there I have to travel a few hours and it is in the outside of the city where I am going etc so I am trying to figure out the logistics of it on top of the fact that I will be there for the first time and am freaking out about the actual experience. I dont know how it works in other areas but we have temple days for every ward and ours is this weekend so other people will be going and I have been asking for a ride and for someone to accompany and guide me etc but no one have time or am intrested in helping me.

I feel so lonely and frustrated with the people in my ward, I used to belong to a great charismatic congregation where I really felt like I belonged, and now I get this . The ironic thing is that everyone is so happy and amazed that after two months as a member I still show up for church on Sundays. Im studying so I have to live in this area for a few more years, any encouragement, advice etc? I don't doubt that the church is true I just really feel lonely and dont know if i want to continue to do this.

[drham3rd]

Welcome to the forum. Do you have a home teacher? My understanding is that he is the one you need to disuse your feelings with! Sometimes we have to reach out and let others know we are hurting! If you do not have a home teacher, discuss with the Bishop about getting one assigned! You are NOT meant to go this pathway alone! However, sometimes we have to get someone's attention and that is where the home teacher can help!

[Roseslipper]

my advise is to keep on doing this. Im sorry that your going through this its not easy or fun but I will tell you its worth it. Keep up the great work continue to learn and grow. If the other members are not being friendly to you, then you be the bigger one and go up to them say hi, shake their hands, mingle with them. Friends are wonderful, we all need them but remember your best friends are Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost!!!And they are their 4 you always. Ask them to help you with this problem.....

[me_1]

Thanks for your replys. I have been trying to get in touch with the bishop. I guess that since I am a young single adult I sort of have fallen between the chairs and no one in the ward knows what to do with me.

[Leah]

I have been lurking here for some time, but havent posted anything until now. I was baptised into the church two months ago and ever since then I have felt so alone. I belong to a small ward in an area where there aren't many mormons, and am a young single adult which there are even fewer of :).

I expected to have to work hard inorder to get into the mormon "culture" and the culture within my ward and have been doing that. When I was investigating the church everyone was nice and helpful, but as soon as I was baptised everyone disapeared and distanced themselves and now I am left on my own trying to figure things out among people that have been members all of their lives and that have known each other for years.

For example, this weekend I'll be going to the temple for the first time. In order to get there I have to travel a few hours and it is in the outside of the city where I am going etc so I am trying to figure out the logistics of it on top of the fact that I will be there for the first time and am freaking out about the actual experience. I dont know how it works in other areas but we have temple days for every ward and ours is this weekend so other people will be going and I have been asking for a ride and for someone to accompany and guide me etc but no one have time or am intrested in helping me.

I feel so lonely and frustrated with the people in my ward, I used to belong to a great charismatic congregation where I really felt like I belonged, and now I get this . The ironic thing is that everyone is so happy and amazed that after two months as a member I still show up for church on Sundays. Im studying so I have to live in this area for a few more years, any encouragement, advice etc? I don't doubt that the church is true I just really feel lonely and dont know if i want to continue to do this.

I understand your feelings. It does not seem to be an uncommon experience that once you are no longer an investigator, you are forgotten about. That's not right.

For your questions about going to the temple...what are you planning to do there? Do you have a limited temple recommend to do baptisms? Will any youth from your ward be going to do baptisms on this trip? If so, there should be someone organizing that aspect and you should join up with them. I don't know how the temple schedule works in your country, but here you can usually attend an endowment session any time (but as a recent convert, you will need to wait a year to receive your full recommend and attend those sessions) but baptisms are usually on a more restricted schedule or arrangements need to be made ahead of time. So if you are wishing to do baptisms, you must have your limited recommend and make sure that that opportunity will be available while you are there.

If you don't have a limited recommend yet, but are going to experience the temple grounds, someone from your ward should take the time to show you around and answer your questions. After that, you can have a lovely experience of enjoying the grounds and feeling the special presence of the Spirit.

Don't let the negative experiences with members drive you away from the church. I don't have any magic solutions for this situation. But you know the church is true, so hang in there.

[Leah]

Thanks for your replys. I have been trying to get in touch with the bishop. I guess that since I am a young single adult I sort of have fallen between the chairs and no one in the ward knows what to do with me.

And here...no one seems to know what to do with us "older" single adults!

[Roseslipper]

Adopt a family, adopt a grandparent its hard when theirs no single adults!! R there single adults in your stake, check out stake single adult activties. Ooops sorry i used caps not yelling or looking 4 attention it was a mistake but its easier to read....:)

[Roseslipper]

oh the site took away my caps and fixed it can u fix my miss spelling as well.....haha

[Drpepper]

Firstly congrats for your baptism, and taking the first steps as you have. There is a culture shock when joining the church. It took me a little over a year to find my feet, understand certain things and realise that everyone isn't perfect. The scriptures kept me in good company during this time. I see you are in Sweden. I would definately take the time to share your feelings with the Bishop. Its not uncommon for others to think that someone is looking after you only to find that no one is. Did the missionaries teach you? Are they still in the ward? Its great to hear you are going to the temple. Don't be discouraged, think of yourself s a pioneer for others.

[Yehshen]

I am a new convert (2 years tomorrow). I am rather shy, and so when I went to the temple for the first time I told very few people. Later, people said to me they would have like to come with, if they had known. And I hadn't wanted to bother them. Just ask.

[talisyn]

I have been lurking here for some time, but havent posted anything until now. I was baptised into the church two months ago and ever since then I have felt so alone. I belong to a small ward in an area where there aren't many mormons, and am a young single adult which there are even fewer of :).

I expected to have to work hard inorder to get into the mormon "culture" and the culture within my ward and have been doing that. When I was investigating the church everyone was nice and helpful, but as soon as I was baptised everyone disapeared and distanced themselves and now I am left on my own trying to figure things out among people that have been members all of their lives and that have known each other for years.

For example, this weekend I'll be going to the temple for the first time. In order to get there I have to travel a few hours and it is in the outside of the city where I am going etc so I am trying to figure out the logistics of it on top of the fact that I will be there for the first time and am freaking out about the actual experience. I dont know how it works in other areas but we have temple days for every ward and ours is this weekend so other people will be going and I have been asking for a ride and for someone to accompany and guide me etc but no one have time or am intrested in helping me.

I feel so lonely and frustrated with the people in my ward, I used to belong to a great charismatic congregation where I really felt like I belonged, and now I get this . The ironic thing is that everyone is so happy and amazed that after two months as a member I still show up for church on Sundays. Im studying so I have to live in this area for a few more years, any encouragement, advice etc? I don't doubt that the church is true I just really feel lonely and dont know if i want to continue to do this.

You're so awesome! I'm very glad you joined our happy bunch of people

I recommend reading anything at all by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. I love this one

Even if you feel alone, you are not alone. You are a beloved child of Heavenly Father and He is very pleased with you. If you get down just come on this site and ask about American politics, that always seems to generate attention

[Quin]

I've grown (as a convert) to think of the 1st year / temple recommend as "Do you REALLY mean it?"

I'm sure this isn't the case for all.

I know it's not policy (the opposite is true, as leadership is often trying to get newbies more involved, and there are brainstorming sessions in RS a few times a year (also visiting teaching).

And yet, it still seems to be what happens.

Hence my (semi) private nickname.

Judaism does it the other way around: one has to spend a solid year studying, and then "pass" a panel before being allowed to convert or truly participate in all aspects of the faith. In our church, however... Baptism happens up front, and then there is about 1 year of studying. However, one CAN have all the benefits of membership from day 1. It's not policy (or even discouraged against).

I'd been warned ahead of time about this trend, so I was expecting it.

Added bonus... My work shifted so I was working most Sundays (ugh)... Which accentuated the problem.

I spent most of that year studying in solitary.

Attending a few functions, helping out whenever I could, being very involved in scouting & family history... But primarily on my own.

I got to where I was REALLY grateful for that year.

(Because I got to get really solid in my relationship w HF in relation to the church, without taking on other people's stuff. As one of my favorite quotes reads : Reasonable people can and do differ.)

Ahem.

I'm not sure how much I personally think "Adversary out to get me" ... Murphy's Law for certain shore at the least... As my first year in the church REALLY was a string of worst case scenarios. Like not having utilities for more than 6 months broke, job loss, illness & injury (including 2 car accidents), any paperwork that can be lost will be lost, wrong paperwork (I ended up linked via fraudulent taxes to my ex's income. We weren't married, he claimed me as a dependent, so I got saddled with his 200k per year salary according to the government, when I was so poor I couldn't even make rent (which meant no assistance of any kind)... The list goes on. It was just a BAD year. No bueno. Das sit nicht so gut. (My Italian invectives are unprintable).

I've been told a LOT of people have 'Adversary out to get me' first years.

Like most of them... After a year,.. Everything was copacetic!

I'd made friends in the church.

I dug my calling.

TR

Life stopped being so off the deep end.

So my advice to ANY newcomer struggling is just that: Hang on for about a year. 18mo, ideally. And then look back at where you were now, with where you are then.