cmh283 Posted July 5, 2014 Report Share Posted July 5, 2014 This is my first time in a forum. I would like thoughts/advice from those who have been married for years and are God-fearing if possible but I am open to anyone who can help. My husband (age 32) and I (age 29) have been together for 10 years and have been married for 4 years. I know now that I have taken my relationship for granted because it was closer to perfect than I had ever imagined. Now that it has been corrupted, I really wish I could turn back the hands of time. My son was born in April 2013 and my husband helped me with everything at first. About 6 months in, he started to check out. He began to entertain friends that encouraged him to go out at 11:30pm and not come home until 3am. He did this on several occasions and he was texing ALOT. All day and into the late night hours/early morning. At first this did not bother me as it was very new. The outings became more frequent then texting became more frequent and he began to ignore my son and I. The quesitioning and the arguing began and it became more frequent and more intense as time went on. I would question him about other women and he would say there aren't any. I asked if he was confiding in another woman again he would tell me no. This all turned out to be a lie. He works with a female of whom he had become very close to. Of whom he paid money towards to bail her out of jail when she got into a physical altercation with her boyfriend. I found out about the female by looking at his call logs and later, much later, looking at his phone and their text messages. He has been calling her baby and confiding in her about our relationship. He says he did not cheat that she is just a really good friend. I did not know she was the person he bailed out of jail until weeks later when I had to look into his mail b/c he was getting subpeonas. I had been living with a friend for a couple of weeks for a trial separation and he finally had a clear conscience and decided to tell me everything. The problem is I dont' really feel like he is telling me everything completely. I dont sleep well and we continue to argue. I have threatened him with a divorce a few times and now I am looking for apartments. I wake up in the morning angry but when I spend the day with him and see that he is making some efforts to help our marriage I feel a little less stressed but everytime I think things through again I become angry. Now these are not all of the details. We spoke to a priest which helped a bit but he suggested a counselor that I have had trouble getting a hold of. In the meantime if you can offer advice I would appreciate it. I would like to keep my family together b/c I do love my husband and b/c of our son but I am struggling with trusting him. This is causing me to look for an out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 5, 2014 Report Share Posted July 5, 2014 He isn't telling you everything, most likely. My advice is always this: first of all, pray for strength and clarity. Then, go to marriagebuilders.com and read what you can on "surviving an affair". Don't tell him you're doing this. Learn what you can do to save your marriage, and then get to work doing it. I'm so sorry you're going through this and wish you the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Posted July 6, 2014 Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Why are you having problems getting a counselor? What is that *you* want? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmh283 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 I have been calling the couselor that the priest had recommended; he is faith based. I've called twice and he has not gotten in touch with me, maybe he will this week. What I want is my old life; the husband I fell in love with. I feel like I don't completely know the person I am married to. Am I being too harsh on him? Should I give him another chance esp. since this is his first offense? I feel like other couples go through worse things and make it. I think I am so desperate for what I had that I dont' consistently want to put in the work for only a CHANCE to get it back to the way it was. BTW thanks for the advice on marriagebuilders.com - I will try it out!! :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Posted July 6, 2014 Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Being too harsh on him? No, of course not. He seems to be having an emotional affair (and perhaps more than that). It concerns me a little bit when you ask if you should give him a second chance "since this is his first offense". I can understand you love him and you care about him a lot and you want to make things work but be very careful in not trying to indirectly rationalize what he did. Whether it is his first or fourth "offense", what he is doing is wrong and he is very lucky to have a wife who still wants to make things work out. Having said all that, it takes two to tango. You need to find out if he is truly willing and committed to put the kind of work that is needed to fix back your marriage. One last thing, nobody wakes up one day and decides to have an emotional affair with someone, certain things has been going on in your marriage that needed the attention of both of you, it is imperative that you get the help of a marriage counselor ASAP who can help both of you to determine what are some of those issues and find a way to help you fix it. All the best! jerome1232 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmh283 Posted July 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2014 Thank you! This all makes sense. I appreciate it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.