Married a nonmember

[anatess2]

On 1/19/2018 at 6:45 PM, Anddenex said:

The word "abuse" was used correctly, and abuse is a heavy accusation. From the examples given you have clearly misapplied what was said as "abusive."

We proclaim Article of Faith #11, and yet we have missionaries who seek to persuade people to change their lives through Christ and his restored gospel. Not allowing people to believe as they choose is a form of abuse. If we seek to persuade, convince, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love we aren't abusing anyone. What you are referring to and what I said are two different constructs.

This is not about allowing people to believe as they choose.  This is about dealing with the consequences to the family about said choice.  And like I said in another thread, this is what I fear most about the LDS Church membership exploding in the Philippines.  Anti-divorce law in the Philippines is very restrictive.  And that's a GOOD thing for Filipinos.  I fear LDS membership will move to remove these restrictions so they can leave their non-LDS spouses citing ABUSE.  And so we go down the western path of disposable marriages.

[anatess2]

On 1/19/2018 at 7:25 PM, DoctorLemon said:

Perhaps a better refinement of my statement would be I have noticed a disturbing pattern of religious control correlating with relationships that are definitely abusive in other ways.  Maybe the act of earnestly trying to prevent someone from joining FLDS, for example, is not abusive in and of itself (and I would certainly be sympathetic if your husband was trying to join FLDS and you were fighting like mad to keep him out), and maybe OP's relationship really isn't abusive - maybe it really is wonderful and her husband is a really nice guy who simply doesn't understand the Church yet.  In such a case, perhaps dialogue is the best solution - just talking with the husband, educating him, addressing his concerns, and being patient with him.

That said, when I hear talk of religious control, it does send up a red flag because I have personally observed religious control several times in relationships of people I know.  These relationships that I have seen have been positively abusive (religious control was one of many different ways where the husband attempted to control the wife, alongside verbal abuse, control of money, preventing the wife from seeing friends, random rules designed for the husband to maintain control, etc.)  These are the types of relationships that are unhealthy and fundamentally should change.  

Sure.  But this is not what the OP presented.  The OP presented an agreement prior to getting married.  She was not manipulated into the faith, she accepted the faith.  Now she changed the terms of the agreement.  The spouse has every right to demand the agreement be honored especially when children are involved.