Donor Embryo Transfer (embryo Donation)

[lecahi]

Just wondering if there's anyone on here, especially women, with personal experience with infertility and have chosen the option of going with donor embryo transfer, ie, embryo donation, (this is using someone else's donated egg and donated sperm that have already been fertilized and frozen for later implantation, which they have chosen to donate to a couple who cannot get pregnant.)

I would be interested in hearing about your personal experience or that of someone you are particularly close to, what kind of reaction was experienced from friends, family, church members, etc. My dh and I have talked about some of the moral, ethical, social issues that this creates; we're just trying to decide in our own mind if it crosses the line for us and whether we should just go right to adoption. I am LDS but not active right now, and my husband is not LDS, and I'd rather not discuss this with family, friends, (or a bishop who doesn't even know me - which I probably wouldn't discuss something like this with a bishop anyway,) so I was hoping someone out there has had a lot of discussion with others about it and some of the feedback you've had.

I'm not trying to open up a Pandora's Box on moral or ethical points. I just would like some sincere, informational feedback. Thanks!!

[mightynancy]

I don't have personal experience with this particular issue, though I did have trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant. My well-meaning husband would tell people whenever I would have a positive pregnancy test, then I was left to tell them later that no, I was no longer pregnant and it was heartbreaking. I would much rather have kept the struggle within my own family, if that makes sense.

What I can say is this: nobody outside of your closest relatives/friends needs to know about the circumstances surrounding your pregnancy should you go this route (or any other). In fact, nobody but your husband really MUST know, though I can see confiding in close friends/family just to be able to have their support. It's really nobody else's business, and sharing your decision with them only invites them to voice their opinion.

Make the choice that works for YOU, and don't invite people to that table who don't belong there. There is nothing to be ashamed of, please don't read my comments that way, but I hope you'll make your decisions prayerfully and feel confident in them without needing feedback from other sources.

Best wishes to you!

[lecahi]

mightynancy,

I appreciate your thoughts, and agree with you that it's best to tell people on a "need-to-know basis," if at all, about something this personal. I didn't even know this option existed until it was presented to us by our Reproductive Endocrinologist at our last appointment, and so we're researching as much as we can on the issue. There is at least a nine-month waiting list, so we do have time to decide whether this is an option for us.

Thanks for the kind response!

[Fiannan]

Science is certainly wonderful nowadays. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope for a successful pregnancy. :)

[mightynancy]

Lecahi, I do wish you the best! I'm happy that you read my post with the tone I intended. :)

After months of hearing "Aren't you pregnant yet?" and "Any baby news?" I began to feign horror and reply, "Oh my! What made you think you could ask such a personal question??" while fanning myself and walking away, chuckling. Alas, most were too thick to get the MYOB message! LOL!

Re: options...when I was struggling through this, my darling sister offered to carry a baby for me! What a sweetie! She's here on the site, too. I'm outing you, Siouxz!! We ended up having two kids with no real help, LOL, but I still cherish the offer.

[siouxz72]

I saw the name mightynancy and just had to click cuz I thought it was you!! Yay! I'm so glad you're here!! ...squeaky's jazz lounge...loving it!!

And it's okay for you to out me in this situation. I knew how heartbreaking the whole struggle was becoming and I couldn't just sit there and do nothing! I loved you way too much to let that happen! I love you Schmancypants!!

Best of luck, Lecahi!

[lecahi]

Siouxz, thanks for the well wishes!

I really haven't had too much of the "Aren't you pregnant yet?" stuff from people, but if I do ever hear that from anyone, I think I'm just going to ask them "Did you really mean to say that out loud?" I don't know how much more of a hint could be given for them to MYOB. Some people are so insensitive!

What a sweet sister you have, mightynancy, who was willing to do anything she could to help you realize your dream of having a family, even though in the end you were able to do it without her! She must be a keeper for sure! :)

[Fiannan]

I also suppose a lot of gratitude should go out to the man who donated sperm and the woman who donated an egg so a pregnancy could come about. Maybe people need to think about donating more than just blood to help people out more often.

[JerseyMom]

I don't have personal experience with this particular issue, though I did have trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant. My well-meaning husband would tell people whenever I would have a positive pregnancy test, then I was left to tell them later that no, I was no longer pregnant and it was heartbreaking. I would much rather have kept the struggle within my own family, if that makes sense.

What I can say is this: nobody outside of your closest relatives/friends needs to know about the circumstances surrounding your pregnancy should you go this route (or any other). In fact, nobody but your husband really MUST know, though I can see confiding in close friends/family just to be able to have their support. It's really nobody else's business, and sharing your decision with them only invites them to voice their opinion.

Make the choice that works for YOU, and don't invite people to that table who don't belong there. There is nothing to be ashamed of, please don't read my comments that way, but I hope you'll make your decisions prayerfully and feel confident in them without needing feedback from other sources.

Best wishes to you!

[rusure]

In my prior marriage before joining the church, my ex husband could basically not father a child w/o high tech help. We weighed our options and decided donor sperm was not right for us and went with doing IVF/ICSI instead which was successful. I don't know how much different using a donor is than adoption, really, when it comes down to it *except for* you are taking more of a gamble possibly with the donor genetic material than adopting a live child (and also making sure a motherless/fatherless child has the opportunity to join a family). I think you have to be just as honest with the child about donor situations as you are with adoption, anyway.

Whether someone else choose to use donors or not ... I can't see that being any of my business.

[Fiannan]

In my prior marriage before joining the church, my ex husband could basically not father a child w/o high tech help. We weighed our options and decided donor sperm was not right for us and went with doing IVF/ICSI instead which was successful. I don't know how much different using a donor is than adoption, really, when it comes down to it *except for* you are taking more of a gamble possibly with the donor genetic material than adopting a live child (and also making sure a motherless/fatherless child has the opportunity to join a family). I think you have to be just as honest with the child about donor situations as you are with adoption, anyway.

Whether someone else choose to use donors or not ... I can't see that being any of my business.

I don't know...aren't sperm and egg donors screened for genetic problems? Seems like one has a far greater chance of getting an inherited genetic disorder from reproducing the conventional way.