Worried You’re Losing Your Testimony? Ask Yourself These 5 Questions

[Third Hour]

I truly believe that all of us, at some point or another, will struggle with our faith. Whether it stems from Church history, a Church policy you don't understand or agree with, or simply feeling like you never received that lightbulb moment you've longed for, each of us is going to be faced with questions and concerns. Having questions or concerns or even doubts doesn't make you unfaithful. It doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong, and it certainly doesn't mean you should abandon everything you've loved and lived for because your testimony is struggling. What it does mean is that you've reached the point in your life when your faith is really going to count. After all, what's the purpose of faith if not to carry us through something we don't understand? One of my favorite quotes from Jane Eyre come's from the novel's heroine, Jane. When the man she loves tempts her to do something she feels is wrong, she replies: "Laws and principles are not for the times when there is...

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[Iggy]

I began attending church at age 8, tagging along with my older brother as he went on Sunday's so he could be around all those *good looking* girls. I liked church. Even sitting in the very over-warm chapel, and then sitting with all those immature boys who were pinging spit-wads at any & everybody during classes. 

My two older sisters got baptized a year after our brother - so, I heard the discussions at home from about four different sets of missionaries. They never were there for me though. At age 14 I went to the Bishop and asked to be baptized. He thought I was already - but after checking the records my parents and myself set a date. 

At age 18 I left the church. I didn't leave because I lost my testimony. It was because of the hurtful, malicious rumor-mongering of the Bishop's wife and her cronies, who by the way were also the RS Presidency. I overheard their spiteful gossip as I was getting our coats from the coat racks, and again while I was waiting in the corner of the large foyer for my siblings to bring the car around. Spiteful gossip about my family, spreading rumors about my Mom, Dad, and Grandma. As well as other partial member families. 

I didn't know to go to the Bishop with what I heard. Or even to go to my YW Presidency. I just quit the church. 

In the 30 years, I was inactive, none of these 5 reasons were applicable.

1. Do I believe that the Book of Mormon is true? Then, during and now after coming back into activity (1998), I have always believed it is true. 

2. Am I as actively searching for reasons the Church might be true as I am searching for reasons it’s not? It never crossed my mind that the Church aka Gospel was not true. Even back as a teen, I knew the difference between a building populated by like-minded peoples and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

3. Am I doing His will? Following His commandments? Thinking back on this, I wonder if I really knew what His will was. I certainly knew what His basic commandments are - and am learning what His newer commandments are now - what each of His living Prophets have told us.  

4. Do I want it to be true? Want? There is no Want as it IS true. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is true. 

5. Does the good outweigh the bad? Bad? There is no Bad. In my mind how can the Gospel of Jesus Christ ever be bad? 

What I struggle with are the human beings that are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As I struggle with getting my medications taken and in the proper doses, which affect my levels of pain & emotions, I struggle with NOT exploding emotionally at and because of the human-ess of the members. 

I have a very hard time NOT telling certain members that they are dumber than a can of rocks. Or that In My Humble [or not so humble] opinion this certain PH holder should keep his hands off of me and all of the women within his arms reach.

I also have pretty much reached my wits end with my branch NOT assisting me in regards to my not being able to hear anywhere except in the chapel when the speaker(s) stand at the podium and use the microphone that is attached there. Why should I attend when I cannot hear. It is beyond frustrating. Especially when I have told nearly everyone that I cannot hear.

But regarding the Gospel, no I have never doubted it. Regarding the counsel we have received from our Prophets, Apostles, aka the Lord's servants - Nope, never had a problem. With the history of the church being withheld from us. My thoughts have always been: Baby steps. Milk before pablum/cereal, pablum/cereal before meat.