Dealing with divorce

[cupcake_007]

My parents are getting a divorce. at first my mom convinced me it was my dads fault. then i realized its both of them, but my mom has cracked. i am so torn. at the moment my mom can't see beyond herself. there is only one kid left at home. he's sixteen and dealing with depression now. its killilng me that they can't grow up and make it work. i don't know what to do. my mo thinks that her life is so much worse than it is and my dad has a temper that he can't control. how am i supposed to deal with this?

[SMG]

Don't let your parents bully, guilt-trip or otherwise manipulate you into choosing a side. As you said, it is both their fault. It takes two to tango, after all! I would be most concerned about your younger brother and letting him know you are there for him if he needs to talk. Focus on him and let the wicked punish the wicked....

[AnnMarieFWW]

I'm really sorry you have to go through this, with the added pressure of your sibling. I had a friend that was in a very similiar situation as you. She was my best friend and right before we went off to high school her parents got a divorce. Much like you, her mom convinved her that it was her dad's fault and the fell into this pit of despair. Her mother practically hated the world and barely ever left the house, she couldn't see beyond herself either. My friend also fell into the it of despair and depression. We ended up going to different high schools and grew apart, but I always regret not being there for her during that time. She was really messed up and I heard she hasn't gotten much better (I graduated college but she hasn't yet, so it has been at least 8 years). She didn't have anyone really there for her to help and support her during that time and I think that't the most important. As far as your mother is concerned, I work for firstwivesworld, it is an online community for women going through the various stages of divorce. Have you mom take a look, it is designed to help women like your mom. I hope that helps, and always remember that "we never know how high we are, until we are called to rise"

- Dickens

Please let me know if I can help at all.

Ann Marie Miller

[Misshalfway]

OH Cupcake! Divorce is hard. There is just no way around it -- only through it! I am so sorry. My parents had a rough go there for a while when I was in high school. My father would try to use me as a sounding board....telling me all the probs with my mom. My mom would try to keep my father from me because she was threatening by it. I lost my mother and my father. They stayed married and after lots of years have finally found peace.

I am sorry you find yourself in a situation where you have to see your parents degrade one another and that you feel you have to choose. You don't . You can love them for who they are.

Have you read anything about divorce and the children of divorce? I wonder if those kinds of books would be helpful right now.

How do you cope? One day at a time. Listen to yourself and your pain. Write in your journal. Stay active. Serve others. Try to find a way to communicate with your parents, gently and honestly, about how their behavior is making you feel. Sometimes I think couples can get so blinded by pain and anger, etc. That they aren't aware of how their actions affect the children. Do you have any sibs? I hope you have good friends and people around you.

Stay close to the Lord. Pray. Tell Him all of it. Make Him you best friend. Remember the Savior and learn about His tender mercies in the scriptures. He can make your trials lighter.

Much love to you,

Misshalfway

[Guest murrayskeeter]

Just make sure your parents know that you love and respect both of them even if the divorce is happening, therefore you won't be taking sides in the matter. Let them know you are very willing to discuss things with them, but they can't use you to discuss matters for them instead of interacting with each other. This is simply too much of a burden for a child to have to take on.

Edited May 17, 2010 by murrayskeeter