marriage

[celticgirl2000]

How do I restore the love back in our marriage after a affair?

[jadams_4040]

How do I restore the love back in our marriage after a affair?

Oh thats a very easy question! {sorry} Well this is indeed a very tuff question for anyone, and can only be answered by the married couple with help and guidance from God. And especially this church and a Good bishopric or stake president, Personally if it were my marriage i dont know how it could happen except before anything there would have to be complete unabashed and very sincere honesty between the couple, Then follow churchs counsel. May God bless those involved, especially if children are involved. I will say a prayer for your concerns right now. and i hope and pray that my words have not offended anyone.

[bbbrhatt]

If you both truely love each other then, you ask why this happened? What was it that cause one of you to turn away from the other, then fix it...The gospel tll us that we must forgive all men or women, as for God he will forgive whom he will, but we have to forgive...now for humans this sometimes is a problem beause the advisary will always try his best to bring up the thing that has happened so you need to be aware of that..but truely forgive...the one who has done this deed needs to get right with the lord then they will have to forgive them selves...if this does not happen then it will continue to be hard... Prayer is the other way to keep going, family prayer is also one of the most stongest tools that can be used it puts the family in the same mind set that they need to beable to forgive and stay strong...just know that every thing is possible if you keep the gospel in your life, it might not be as easy as others seem to live but it will be a part of your eternal life and that is for the most part what we are here on earth for...

[Mahonri]

I've seen this situation too many times than I would like to have seen it.

Without any details, it's hard to give advise.

I do know of one situation where the husband messed up and came back with a very repentant heart but the wife just would never forgive him. He has held in there strong for almost 20 years now.

Of course, every situation is different. God bless the parties as they come to understand Our Saviour's love and what true repentance and true forgiveness is all about.

[MamaTeddyBear]

I am not sure about any advice being the perfect answer. Though first and most important from my viewpoint is do both parties in this marriage want to work on restoring the marriage. If the answer to this is yes, then comes the next step working on trust issues. Bringing back the love will only happen after trust can be reestablished. Somewhere in here you have to talk to your bishop and see if he can offer you some guidance, in some areas the Church social services can be of help too. Also you both would have to pray together very regularily to get through this. Lots of individual prayer through out each day. For the one that wasn't straying...pray for understanding, compassion, forgiveness etc. For the one that made the mistake maybe pray for understanding of where your companion is coming from about trusting you, pray for patience because it will take your companion what will seem a long time to rebuild the trust. For both of you work daily on trust. One to keep giving the other reasons to trust you..for the other to try and trust. All of this is going to be very hard but if your love and marriage are worth it to you you can make this succeed. Once you can trust each other love can start growing, in fact it often will grow along with the trust. Build Trust and love will start to follow. Oh and also I almost forgot ...Ask Heavenly Father for His forgiveness too. Because trust with Him was broken too.

hopefully this will help

MamaTeddyBear

[Argentina84]

Work hard to restore your mutual confidence. That's key important.

[Marsha8]

I am not sure about any advice being the perfect answer. Though first and most important from my viewpoint is do both parties in this marriage want to work on restoring the marriage. If the answer to this is yes, then comes the next step working on trust issues. Bringing back the love will only happen after trust can be reestablished. Somewhere in here you have to talk to your bishop and see if he can offer you some guidance, in some areas the Church social services can be of help too. Also you both would have to pray together very regularily to get through this. Lots of individual prayer through out each day. For the one that wasn't straying...pray for understanding, compassion, forgiveness etc. For the one that made the mistake maybe pray for understanding of where your companion is coming from about trusting you, pray for patience because it will take your companion what will seem a long time to rebuild the trust. For both of you work daily on trust. One to keep giving the other reasons to trust you..for the other to try and trust. All of this is going to be very hard but if your love and marriage are worth it to you you can make this succeed. Once you can trust each other love can start growing, in fact it often will grow along with the trust. Build Trust and love will start to follow. Oh and also I almost forgot ...Ask Heavenly Father for His forgiveness too. Because trust with Him was broken too.

hopefully this will help

MamaTeddyBear

You are very smart.

[Misshalfway]

I heard once that if the offending party truly understands and hears the depth of the pain and betrayal and even listen to the anger of their partner, that it really helps the healing process. I think if defensiveness happens then the process of building trust is compromised. So, if that person can get humble and empathetic and really tune in and listen and validate, then I have heard it said that healing happens a lot faster.

[cgrantreed]

I heard once that if the offending party truly understands and hears the depth of the pain and betrayal and even listen to the anger of their partner, that it really helps the healing process. I think if defensiveness happens then the process of building trust is compromised. So, if that person can get humble and empathetic and really tune in and listen and validate, then I have heard it said that healing happens a lot faster.

You heard right. Its a very painful experience and its enough to drop you to your knees in merciful groveling if the heart is repentant enough. First hand experience here... Thank God for mercy. Its a slow mo movie of every misdeed that you have committed with the soundtrack of a broken heart playing in the background. It is beyond humbling... and when your spouse refuses to care what you are feeling, that magnifies it 1000 times.

My suggestion: Buy 2 copies of Miracle of Forgiveness and both of you sit and read them together. That will bring you both to the same level in your lives and then you need counseling if you can afford it, or if the LDS social services is close by the church may pay for it if you need the help. Don't give up... its a lot of work... but its worth it in the end if both of you are willing to commit to the end. Read my blog on love... titled "I'm sorry, I had to repost this" a couple of pages back in the blogs. I posted it today. This is what I learned from my experiences...but its only MHO.

Grant

[Flyonthewall]

There is no magic answer to this and I am no expert, however, I know it can be done.

My in-laws went through some infidelity when my wife was a teenager. I don't know all the details, but by the time I met my wife, they had a solid marriage and strong testimonies of Christ.

Both parties have to be willing to make it work, and do everything it requires to do so.

It's a hard road to travel down, but from what I have seen, it's well worth it.

[Carita]

First you must both want to restore your marriage. Set going to the temple together as a goal. Then with prayer and Heavenly Father's help go forward step at a time.

You must remember the love you had for each other when you were married an hold on to it and to be committed to it what ever hard times you have to go through. Your road will be long and not easy but worth it.

The one who was unfaithful must work hard to build the trust back. It can only happen by letting your spouse know where you are and when you will come back. Who is there to prove you were where you said you would be. Do not go alone if possible. Go with someone your spouse trusts. In short. You have to give report and prove to be trustworthy. Ask for forgiveness and be worthy of it.

Give extra time and show extra care and love for each other.

The one who's spouse was unfaithful has a lot of pain to deal with. Speak of your pain to your spouse and ask for understanding and patience if it takes time for you to learn to trust but assure that you will work on it. Ask for forgiveness on your part if there is something that might have helped this weak moment to happen.

Remember who the person was you married and why. Why did you love him/her. Recommit yourself.

Dig your feet deep so you can stand what ever winds will blow and decide your marriage and your family will get through it and you will love each other through it all.

Forgiveness means that you will work to heal and you will not use what your spouse did against him/her in the future if you have disagreements. You will not bring it up. It is gone. Even if you will sometimes still feel some pain. That is love. You will allow your spouse to work through it and to get it behind. This is how time can heal.

This is also best to keep between you two and your Bishop and who ever is part of the repentance process. I know it might be hard but I really feel it is important not to speak with your friends about it.

Maybe only one trusted one. Or family if you feel you must. The less people know the more room and peace your marriage has to heal.

If you have children of ever will have children, leave them out of it.

One last important thing to remember. When we came on this earth we came here promising our Father we would work to make it back to our Heavenly Father. That was our goal. When we get married we make promises to love and support each other. In a marriage we are not here to just get ourselves back to our Father but "us". Our spouse and our family. When one is weak may the other be strong and loyal. If your spouse would fall out of a boat, you would do all you can to pull him/ her back?

It takes work and love from both. Good luck. I know you can do it.