Need help maintaining spiritual strength

[HomeAgain]

I've been a little down lately. I have been reading the BOM religiously every day, but I just don't feel the spirit as strongly as I did a few months ago. I think I had so much enthusiasm coming back to church after 4 years that I was on an extreme high.

After awhile, the reality sets in that rejoining the church doesn't solve ALL my problems. I still have a husband who is a bit hostile to my religion, the religion we shared for the first 6 years of our marriage. My choice to return to church has not exactly been the best thing for our marriage. His family recently visited and the way my husband acts around his brother is completely juvenile. They drink, cuss, and watch crude movies like they were teenagers. I still can't shake the non-spiritual feeling that permeates our home from my brother-in-law's visit.

I feel like I'm really fighting an uphill battle to keep the spirit in my life, and in our home. I worry about the mixed messages the children get.

I'm looking forward to General Conference and hearing the talks.

I know that I have to keep myself spiritually strong, and not worry about my husband. But this is the problem: the more I try to live my religion, it seems to alienate me from him. He is a good man, but he's so focused on worldly things, even though he claims to be a good Catholic. I guess I have to live with that, because I've tried it the other way. I tried to become worldly to save our marriage. It lasted four years before I realized that I just wanted to be a Mormon, no matter what anyone thought of that.

Anyway, sorry for rambling ... any advice????

[Elgama]

Have you had your home blessed?if something happens and I feel uncomfortable I get my husband to it - you could ask your Home Teachers ...

Just a suggestion could you have a non religious Family Home Evening and fill your BILs time with your family as mostly family time?

-Charley

[lilered]

Let's break this down a bit into catagories:

Your personal welfare - are you praying daily (morning and nite) including asking for the spirit to give you guidance and comfort and then listening for the still small voice. Do you have someone close (church member)to you that you can talk with (personal friend) during times of need. You always have your free agency, thus you can make good choices both for you and your children and their welfare. Are you living the Church standards and attending all meetings.

Your children - Are you kneeling in prayer with them daily, are you offering prayer during mealtime and teaching them also. Are you holding a family home evening on monday nites with them. Do they attend Sunday meetings, Primary, etc.. Are their friends or associates good children? (All good ways to give them positive influences)

Your husband - He has his free agency, however he doesnot have control over you or your childrens.

Your family - Sooner or later you will have to decide what is best for you or your children as to your/their future. To continue to live as you are, or make changes that you feel are necessary to grow and live the life you desire for both them and you.

You can always leave the environment whenever your husband chooses to act poorely or set a bad example by taking the children to the playground, for a movie, a walk or go in another room and watch a good wholesome/church video or movie.

You could join a good support group to assist you in dealing with the issues you are struggling with.

You can Fast and Pray for guidance.

Hope these help you a bit in having hope for a better future. God bless you Sister.

[WillowTheWhisp]

Have you thought of asking your home teachers or other priesthood holders to give you a blessing to strengthen you spiritually? When I have felt I was on a downward spiral and fighting a losing battle I have been strengthened by a comfort blessing of encouragement.

I also find it helps just to have quiet relaxing 'me' time - with nice fragrances and gentle music, maybe a relaxing soak in the bath or just massage your wrists and ankles with oil. It may sound daft but it helps and relaxes me and gives me the boost I need sometimes. My youngest daughter has an English teacher at school who does aromatherapy massage and I told her at a parents evening this last week that I was stressed. She gave me a hand massage and it felt really good and relaxing. I'm going to do the same for my daughter who is under a lot of pressure from exams etc.

It's a difficult situation that you are in but Heavenly Father knows and has promised to help us bear our burdens.

[HomeAgain]

Let's break this down a bit into catagories:

Your personal welfare - are you praying daily (morning and nite) including asking for the spirit to give you guidance and comfort and then listening for the still small voice. Do you have someone close (church member)to you that you can talk with (personal friend) during times of need. You always have your free agency, thus you can make good choices both for you and your children and their welfare. Are you living the Church standards and attending all meetings.

Your children - Are you kneeling in prayer with them daily, are you offering prayer during mealtime and teaching them also. Are you holding a family home evening on monday nites with them. Do they attend Sunday meetings, Primary, etc.. Are their friends or associates good children? (All good ways to give them positive influences)

Your husband - He has his free agency, however he doesnot have control over you or your childrens.

Your family - Sooner or later you will have to decide what is best for you or your children as to your/their future. To continue to live as you are, or make changes that you feel are necessary to grow and live the life you desire for both them and you.

You can always leave the environment whenever your husband chooses to act poorely or set a bad example by taking the children to the playground, for a movie, a walk or go in another room and watch a good wholesome/church video or movie.

You could join a good support group to assist you in dealing with the issues you are struggling with.

You can Fast and Pray for guidance.

Hope these help you a bit in having hope for a better future. God bless you Sister.

Thanks for all the great suggestions (all of you) ... I especially noted that you said: praying MORNING and night. When I first regained my testimony I was praying morning and night, but lately I have slacked off a bit, to just saying my mealtime prayers with the family, and having prayer at night with the kids, and with my husband.

When I first came back to the church, I also was reading the BOM in the morning & praying. Now I read it at night before bed. I think there is a difference when I take the time to start the day off right. Praying and reading the scriptures in the morning set a nice tone for the day, and I seemed to have more spiritual energy. I also would play CDs of the hymns after I took the kids to their schools.

My husband has been taking the kids to school because of his work schedule this month, so I have actually missed those morning inspirational drives!

I also had gotten into the habit of watching BYU-TV and some of the conference talks at night. I haven't done that lately because when we upgraded our satellite plan, it didn't include that channel! (Fortunately, I had recorded some conference talks that I still have).

It's funny how small and simple things can make a difference. I can easily return to my habits. I just have to make the effort.

We have been holding Family Home Evening every week (except for the week my brother-in-law was here) because I didn't know how to include him (or I wasn't prepared).

One thing I need to do is order the church magazines, and the Family Home Evening manual. I always seem to wing it for FHE, and it would help to have some activities, and a lesson that I could prepare ahead of time.

I know I need to get back to doing the things that bring the Spirit.

And, I feel like I am being tried right now to remain faithful.

It's so easy to start questioning everything when those around you don't believe, and when they're breaking the Word of Wisdom, and having a good time, it's just hard to not feel like the outsider.

Anyway, thanks again for the help.

I am going to ask my bishop for a blessing tomorrow.

All the best,

Nicole

[Guest tomk]

I've been a little down lately. I have been reading the BOM religiously every day, but I just don't feel the spirit as strongly as I did a few months ago. I think I had so much enthusiasm coming back to church after 4 years that I was on an extreme high.

After awhile, the reality sets in that rejoining the church doesn't solve ALL my problems. I still have a husband who is a bit hostile to my religion, the religion we shared for the first 6 years of our marriage. My choice to return to church has not exactly been the best thing for our marriage. His family recently visited and the way my husband acts around his brother is completely juvenile. They drink, cuss, and watch crude movies like they were teenagers. I still can't shake the non-spiritual feeling that permeates our home from my brother-in-law's visit.

I feel like I'm really fighting an uphill battle to keep the spirit in my life, and in our home. I worry about the mixed messages the children get.

I'm looking forward to General Conference and hearing the talks.

I know that I have to keep myself spiritually strong, and not worry about my husband. But this is the problem: the more I try to live my religion, it seems to alienate me from him. He is a good man, but he's so focused on worldly things, even though he claims to be a good Catholic. I guess I have to live with that, because I've tried it the other way. I tried to become worldly to save our marriage. It lasted four years before I realized that I just wanted to be a Mormon, no matter what anyone thought of that.

Anyway, sorry for rambling ... any advice????

The only advice I have is - give the battle to Jesus.

The only person you can work on is YOU. Continue to lead by example and remain prayerful.

You may want to read-up on co-dependency. It sounds like you have some of that going on, based on your post.

Hang in there!

Tom

[HomeAgain]

I know I need to trust the Lord. And I do think co-dependency is a real problem for me. Thanks Tom for pointing out something I hadn't thought about for a long time.

I see my husband making very selfish choices, and I start feeling resentful.

It's like being married to an alcoholic. (My husband comes from two generations of alcoholism). He's not an alcoholic, but he has the characteristics: very materialistic, passive aggressive, and sneaky. On the one hand, he tries so hard not to rock the boat. The is classic of someone raised by an alcoholic. But then he is dishonest to me, and led me to believe that I was marrying someone who shared my religious convictions.

So for 4 years after he left the church, I tried playing his game and it did relieve the stress. I gave up trying to live my religion and just went along with his worldly ways. But in the end, that didn't make me happy.

He has spiritually divorced me, and I feel so sad for our children.

I will work on myself. I know that it's impossible to change anyone else.

I will trust in the Lord.

I feel like so many other women on this board: on the verge of divorce or insanity.

It's hard living with someone who puts his own selfish interests ahead of his family. He didn't think about me or the children when he left the church.

I know all of this is just my problem. I need to deal with it. I feel locked in a sad situation sometimes.

Thanks again for all your help.

[Guest tomk]

HomeAgain:

You're welcome.

Whenever I am feeling "abused, put upon, or judgemental" I try to remember that there is someone else who suffered these things...for all. Without complaint. Without needing to do it...He willingly sacrificed all.

I don't understand that kind of love, but I can rely upon it. He is so much stronger than our problems.

He won't take you out of the situation, but He will strengthen you so that you can bear it. He can help give you strength and perspective beyond your years. I know it because I have experienced it first-hand.

This is my prayer for you today:

Alma 31: 31-32

31 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity of this people.

32 O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my fellow laborers who are with me—yea, Ammon, and Aaron, and Omner, and also Amulek and Zeezrom and also my two sons—yea, even all these wilt thou comfort, O Lord. Yea, wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ.

Alma 31: 31-32

31 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity [bAD CHOICES] of [MY HUSBAND].

32 O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my [CHILDREN] who are with me—yea, [MY CHILDREN]—yea, even all these wilt thou comfort, O Lord. Yea, wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ.

also these words I leave with you:

Ps. 119: 28

28 My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy aword.

Alma 58: 10

10 Therefore we did pour out our souls in prayer to God, that he would strengthen us and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, yea, and also give us strength that we might retain our cities, and our lands, and our possessions, for the support of our people.

Alma 7: 12

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind [HOMEAGAIN AND HER HUSBAND]; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor [RUN TO, RENDER AID TO] his people [HOMEAGAIN AND HER FAMILY] according to their infirmities [WHATEVER PROBLEMS THEY ARE DEALING WITH].

I hope these words comfort you, give you hope, and point you to the arms of your Savior.

[HomeAgain]

Have you had your home blessed?if something happens and I feel uncomfortable I get my husband to it - you could ask your Home Teachers ...

Just a suggestion could you have a non religious Family Home Evening and fill your BILs time with your family as mostly family time?

-Charley

Thank you Charley! It's interesting because my Dad suggested the same thing! He said I needed to have the house blessed. So I called the elder's quorum president who had visited my home last month and asked if he could come by to give me (and the house) a blessing. He was more than willing to do it, and I know it's going to mean a lot to me looking forward to that on Wednesday night.

Plus, he told me that ANY worthy member of the church could bless their own home -- even women, so I'm looking forward to hearing about that.

Thanks again Charley for the great suggestion.

[HomeAgain]

HomeAgain:

You're welcome.

Whenever I am feeling "abused, put upon, or judgemental" I try to remember that there is someone else who suffered these things...for all. Without complaint. Without needing to do it...He willingly sacrificed all.

I don't understand that kind of love, but I can rely upon it. He is so much stronger than our problems.

He won't take you out of the situation, but He will strengthen you so that you can bear it. He can help give you strength and perspective beyond your years. I know it because I have experienced it first-hand.

This is my prayer for you today:

Alma 31: 31-32

31 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity of this people.

32 O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my fellow laborers who are with me—yea, Ammon, and Aaron, and Omner, and also Amulek and Zeezrom and also my two sons—yea, even all these wilt thou comfort, O Lord. Yea, wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ.

Alma 31: 31-32

31 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity [bAD CHOICES] of [MY HUSBAND].

32 O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my [CHILDREN] who are with me—yea, [MY CHILDREN]—yea, even all these wilt thou comfort, O Lord. Yea, wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ.

also these words I leave with you:

Ps. 119: 28

28 My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy aword.

Alma 58: 10

10 Therefore we did pour out our souls in prayer to God, that he would strengthen us and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, yea, and also give us strength that we might retain our cities, and our lands, and our possessions, for the support of our people.

Alma 7: 12

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind [HOMEAGAIN AND HER HUSBAND]; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor [RUN TO, RENDER AID TO] his people [HOMEAGAIN AND HER FAMILY] according to their infirmities [WHATEVER PROBLEMS THEY ARE DEALING WITH].

I hope these words comfort you, give you hope, and point you to the arms of your Savior.

Thank you Tom. I really appreciate your beautiful prayer and scripture. Ammon is truly one of my heroes. My favorite chapter in the BOM is Alma 26. I appreciate this online support group. It's so nice to find kind compassionate people online who share the same values. I know that sometimes I get a little off kilter, and start to feel a lot of negativity. And that's when I know I need to take care of myself and ask for what I need. I needed a priesthood blessing and today I asked the EQ president for it, and he happily obliged and will be visiting this week.

Sometimes we just need to figure out what would make us happy and realize that we have some measure of control over that! It's when we start feeling out of control that we get down in the dumps.

Thanks again!!