Sister_M

Ruthie- I absolutely agree that if this man needs help he deserves it and that it likely could be a medical issue, whether Jessica is in the house with him or not doesn't really matter as long as she and the kids are safe. I think in these situations the major problem lies in these men (or women in some cases) not being able to see they need professional psychiatric or medical help. This issue has a lot of shades of grey, it's certainly not just black and white or easy to understand. Thanks for coming back and clarifying. Take care.

Yes, I TOTALLY agree that there are no throw away people but often times people dishing out the abuse don't see it that way. There is always an opportunity to work things out from a distance and a safe environment if both people want to and are able to work through whatever they are going through.

I am in a similar situation- I'm not sure if you've read my posts but I joined here in Feb seeking support because my husband had recently told me he no longer wanted anything to do with the church. Aside from that though he has combat related PTSD which causes him to be emotionally abusive (though would never acknowledge it). I am holding on to that hope that our marriage will endure this but in the meantime I am keeping myself and my kids in a situation that probably isn't the healthiest. It's a difficult situation without any clear cut solutions. I agree with others in saying that you can talk to your bishop, to us here and others but nobody will really be able to tell you what to do. Listen to yourself and that "still, small voice" and don't let fear control you. I'm telling you the things I tell myself, but still find hard to do. There are many women here who have gone through this kind of thing or know someone who has so please know you aren't alone. Everyone else here is really supportive, there is strength in numbers so just keep talking it out, you will know what to do when the time is right.

Hi, I can fully relate to what you are saying. My situation was different in that we were both fully active when we got married and sealed in the Mesa Temple. My husband started going inactive 2 years into our marriage and recently told me he has no desire to go to church at all, ever again. I feel like I'm being torn in half and now we've been married 10 years and have 3 children who do not have parents united in their beliefs. It's easy to say just focus on being a good wife and continue to just be understanding and hopefully in time he will come around, but I can also see the side where you feel like you are letting the Lord down. I can say you aren't, He loves you no matter what. The issue isn't really about letting Heavenly Father down, it's a feeling of have we let ourselves down by not being true to what we know to be correct. It's very complicated and I whole-heartedly understand. My marriage has suffered in many ways due to my husband's now non-belief of the gospel and at times I feel we are on shakey ground. It is different because you did marry your husband knowing he wasn't LDS so I guess it's even more difficult for you because you can't just now turn around and say you don't love him anymore because he isn't LDS as that wouldn't be fair, and it sounds as though you do indeed still love each other. Come here to feed your spirit and for support, there are so many kind people on this site who are understanding...but remember to listen to your own voice and to the Holy Ghost. Just know you aren't alone.

You guys must think I'm all really dumb to think is was the Sesquicentennial this time....see, it's the drugs I'm on (prescribed of course)! Ummm, yeah, you don't fool me, I would never believe you're a spawn of Satan and if you were I still would be your friend.

Nah, I had no clue it was the Sesquicentennial of the Church...my baby has the flu and I just haven't been online for a week or so until today. We should all mark your 50th in our calendars now! I don't blame ya at all for cranking on the a/c, I would too if mine were not broken. How did your ice cream cake manage to not melt?!

Oh no, I'm late! So sorry! Happy, happy, happy Birthday Dr. S! I could sing you a song but you won't hear me from Phoenix, plus I can't really sing. I hope that you were able to enjoy a nice, cool breeze from your open window on your birthday night, maybe even cool enough for a sweater? Someday we will have to talk about more than sweater weather. ;-) Again happy birthday!

Your situation sounds almost identical to mine when I met my now husband. We've been married for almost 10 years and things have been hard, but worth it. He came to AZ from England for an entire month to spend with me which is when we got officially engaged, we had only talked about getting married before that. I have to tell you that there is no way to REALLY know someone until you spend time with them in person, despite how wonderful and perfect they may seem. In our case, his temper was worse than I ever imagined and to him, I was way too laid back and mellow (complete opposites). Of course that wasn't enough to keep us from getting married but those two things have consistently been the source of a lot of our trials as a couple. So just keep in mind that there may be some sides of eachother that you may not discover until you spend a lot of time together and see eachother at your worst. As for the actual visit and not wanting to get into a situation you don't want to find yourself in.....ultimately it's just going to come down to steadfastness and will power and the right choices when you find yourselves alone.he only thing I can see is keep your eternal goals in mind. If you need to, make sure you place practical measures into action such as being around friends and family most of the time, etc. I know how hard it is to be away from the one you love but you can remain faithful to yourself and eachother and your beliefs. Remember to always put Heavenly Father at the top of your relationship and you'll be blessed for it. I hope I don't sound preachy....it's just all coming from personal experience. :-)

Hi there! I know that my friend Duane went to Argentina and really loved it there! ;-) I also know that there is a lot of European ancestry there. It's one of the few countries in central or south America that I'd like to visit, I hear the architecture is beautiful in Beunos Aires (sorry if I spelled that wrong)!

Hi Everyone... I'm pretty new here so hope I'm placing this question in the correct catagory. Some of you may have seen my other post(s) about my husband deciding to currently not having anything to do with the church. Since he's the one who works and earns an income technically it is "our" money but really it is his. Since he's not involved in church right now he of course is not going to pay tithing and he didn't before for years as we don't earn a lot and he wasn't active. Will this affect my own temple worthiness? Am I expected to still pay 10% of our income or would I only be expected to pay tithing if I had my own job? My temple recommend expired years ago when he first went inactive and stopped paying tithing and I haven't asked for one since as I don't know what the rules are about tithing when one of you is active in the church and the other one isn't. I'd like to go to the temple soon though, I live 2 miles away from it so there is no reason why I can't get there. I'm new in our ward though and before talking to my bishop just though I'd see if anyone here could give me any advice on this subject so I know what I may or may not be facing when I do go and speak to him. Thanks!

Hi there- I would say it would not be rude to have lunch on your own. My husband would eat lunch at his desk for the same reasons and he just told them that his lunch break was his only quiet time for the day so he wanted to take advantage of it (he started wearing his ipod). ;-) As for the party- hmmm, well, that's a little harder. We've been to work functions before, like Superbowl parties, where there was a lot of beer, etc. They knew upfront that we were LDS and did not drink so they respected that and never offered. Sometimes it's hard to share beliefs with others but if you come out and are honest with them hopefully they will be mindful of you and your family and you can still go and have some fun. Either way, good luck and congrats on your upcoming baptism!

You could call your current Stake Patriarch (even if you aren't active) as well, he may know exactly how to get copies quickly!

Hi Everyone- I wrote some more concerning my husband and my further questions/concerns under my original thread. I thought I'd repost it here since I said I'd start a new thread with my futher thoughts. Sorry if I'm sounding like a broken record!! If anyone has any further advice I'd love to hear from you. Here goes: I finally have a few more minutes to write. I have still been struggling with all of this, especially over the weekend as I had to hear more from my husband about how he "isn't Mormon" (although when I asked him why he doesn't resign he simply rolled his eyes). I later just came out and asked him if he eventually would tire of me if I stayed active and wanted to make sure the children were active. He acted surprised that I didn't know him better and said he would never tell me what to do or believe. I have been worried that in time he will want to leave to find a woman who shares his newfound way of thinking if he never does come back to church. I do feel it will cause some confusion amongst the children but I'm hoping my example will sustain them through this....not that I'm perfect but I have tried to instill a real testimony in them from an early age. Our firstborn is 7 and wants to get baptized already. She said to her dad on Sunday, "Look Dad, do you want to learn about God or do you just want to shoot your guns and have fun?"! My husband is ex-military so that's why the gun question came into play. Anyway, what he said to us, or me, in particular, is that church right now is a chore to him. He is overworked and very stressed out in general, and church in his mind is another thing on top of it. Personally I feel that he's using the drinking thing also as a relaxant (he would disagree and say since he grew up drinking from an early age in England it's just "part of his culture which he is choosing to enjoy at the moment"). I don't know when or if he will ever come back to the church because I've been waiting for 5 years for him to start going again, only to have him tell me he has no intention to do so. I know enduring to the end is ideal and it's what I strive for but I just worry that I won't know how to best help him, or if I can at all since he's asked me to pretty much not talk to him about. Hopefully we will both have long lives ahead of us so he has time to realize that the things of the world will not solve his problems and maybe then he will find a renewed sense of belief and purpose in the church. My best friend (also LDS, her dad is a bishop) was saying to me that I could marry someone else after this life in the world to come if my husband decides to never live his covenants again. I had never heard this before. Is what she says true? I didn't think women could have more than one husband, in this world or the one to come. So that is one of my other doctorine related questions. I mean seriously it's the furthest thought from my mind but I just had never heard this idea before so am wondering where she heard this. Also back to enduring to the end idea and to my 2nd doctorine related question/concern....what if something happens and he were to get in a car accident or other accident and were to pass away? I mean it could be that he fully intends to return to church when he's ready but what if something happens to him before then? He won't get any second chances to right his wrongs in the life to come, correct? I mean it's not like those outside of the church who die, then have their temple work done for them and they can accept it on the other side and then be exalted? For those of us already in the church we just get one chance, in this life. I guess I wish I could stress that to him, without being naggy or preachy (since that isn't my cup of tea to be a nag anyway). I guess lastly but not least is that I can't help but feel somewhat torn in two.....like the scripture that talks about not being able to serve two masters (I can't remember it off the top of my head from my high school seminary days). Will God really forgive me for standing by and staying married to someone who won't even acknowledge Him (God) at times? I just worry that I'm letting the Lord down since I cannot inspire my husband to want to be righteous. I know my husband's mind and free agency are his own and I don't want to control him, but I just don't understand how someone like him can go from being so strong to feeling nothing and not caring how it affects our family's eternity. I grew up so unconventionally in the church (another long story) and a temple marriage and my testimony, etc was something that I faught for tooth and nail. I feel like I worked so hard for nothing...but guess that's a story for another time. Well, thanks again for listening. I hope I haven't bothered you all too much! Take care. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Last edited by Sister_M : 02-26-2008 at 09:08 PM.

Wow- I didn't know there was another story like this (such as mine) that started years ago! I know that many people in the church, both men and women, have gone through this and it's so good to know we aren't alone. It's not easy at all. Oswar, how have things ended up for you? My thoughts and prayers are with you and all of us going through the experience of a spouse deciding they no longer believe.

Hi! I'm new to this site so figured I had write an official introduction, though I already posted a thread under "Advice" a few days ago (my husband is currently inactive and needed some emergency advice in that area). I joined mainly to feel some support church-wise as I'm in a new ward and new area and don't know a lot of people in my neighborhood. I am currently a stay-at-home mom. I got married at age 22, in my 3rd (junior) year at ASU. I had been studying Secondary Education- history. British/medievel history is my favorite, it's how I met my husband. I kind of feel like my life in some ways has stood still since then and changed in so many other ways. I still feel like a young college kid even though I'm a 32 year old mother of 3 children, the oldest of whom is almost 8 and ready to be baptized. I feel like she was just born. Time flies. Anyway, there is a lot more about me but nothing fascinating and as my children are my focus and I already covered them I will leave it here. :-) I love talking to anyone about the church (if they have questions) and am very open-minded. I hope to be a part of this online community for a long time. Thanks everyone!