Jmidgley

i urge you to read my post labled Scared!!! (under the advice forum) I got through "the hard part" that is to say the first major step. Now it is mending time. My wife and I have alot to work on but I will tell you that the bishop was wonderful and I am not sure I have never felt so much love. I have to agree with everyone here, save yourself the extra guilt. It will drown your spirit the more you deny there is a problem. Pornography is an evil, debilitating drug. Dont deny to yourself what you allready know. Get rid of your guilt now cause it will only get bigger. God loves you and the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the greatest gift given to us in this life. We cant return to our Father without it.

Seeking_Peace, Thank you for what you have said. Although I have spent many hours thinking of that "paradox" the you wrote and am very aware of all those points, it is good to hear it over and over so I dont ever make light of her feelings. Yes we are both seeking professional help and will be going to marriage counceling. My wife is strong and she wants to help me, but she doesnt trust me and I understand and am willing to give her all the space and time she needs. To live with such distress for 30 years then put it on her shoulders is instant overkill. I dont worry about my feelings and what I am going through right now. The only thoughts I have since I came out with this are for her. On the other hand I what brought me to confession was the need for my father in heaven. I realized that I had to do this for myself and not for her or the kids. In return those around me will benefit from my repentance. Thank you so very much for your thoughts and feelings on this subject. My wife, you, and anyone that has, will, and are dealing with these types of problems are forever in my prayers.

and oh btw i appologize for the family picture that seems to be a bit inapropriate under these circumstances. where nobody knows me anyways I tried to change my profile pic but apparently it didnt take affect. I sent a message to pam about it hopefully she can get it fixed. really wierd though i went pack to my homepage and clicked on my prof pic to enlarge it and it shows the pic that i had try to replace said pic with. anyways thanks again everyone for your thoughts of encouragement. I still welcome any other thoughts or advice. I need every bit of encouragement and advice i can get. thank you!

thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I DID IT! I told my wife and we then called the bishop and went and told him last night also. what a relief to finally have that secret out to who it matters. Only time will tell what my punishments through the church will be, that is TBD. My wife on the otherhand is quite understandably hurt. I think that she is gonna hang in there but my biggest problem with this connfession is and has been the thought of hurting her. I think what was the hardest thing to do was tell her "i didnt do it for you, i did it for me." (by that i mean confess) I finally realized what brought me after so many years to come clean with my sin. I needed to do it for myself, my personal spiritual progression, and those around me would benefit from it. It is a long road ahead but I am blessed with a bishop that felt my pain and showed me an amazing amount of love for me and grief for my pain.

I have been living with an addiction to some "morality issues" (in lieu of tying not to be to graphic) since I was probably around the age of 4-5. Here I am nearly 30 years later and I have just barely decided that I really really need help. Been married 14 years and have 5 wonderful children. I have been active in church all my life and kept this burden for myself. I have decided that it is time for me to "man up" and tell my wife about this burden I have carried through our whole marriage and my life. I am completely aware that this will more than likely lead to excommunication. There will be much, pain and sorrow. I am so scared how my wife will react as this is something I am sure she is not expecting. My mind is numb by the amount of thinking, praying, scripture reading, online research, etc. that I have done for the last several months. I have only come to one conclusion, I need to tell my wife and my bishop! This is the only true way I can make sure that I take the correct steps to leading my family to return with our father in heaven again. I am extremely nervous, and have been crying like a severly wounded child for the last few hours, as I have sat here praying and waiting for my wife to come home from work. What a kick in the face for her to have to come home to this. I really need lots of prayers, and some thoughts of encouragement. This is why I originally joined this board was for some good ole LDS support. I encourage your experiences, and uplifting thoughts and ideas as I am sure I will need them more than I have ever needed anything in my life. Thanks for your prayers in advance.

that was fun thanks.

years ago while my wife and I were struggling, we were having a particularly hard time one night. All of a sudden there was a knock at the door. To our supprise it was a lady we had met at church and didnt know very well but we had both felt a goodness from her. She came in and said "please dont think I am crazy, but I have a psychic ability and I new the two of you really needed a friend tonight." I looked at her and smiled, then said to her "interesting you should say that, we dont think you are crazy. I to have a similar gift as I am able to recognize people's spririt." She asked me how that helps me in life and I said I am not sure why I have the gift but it has helped me pick good people to be around. She said give it time and you will know why you have this gift then use it as it is inteded to be used. It has been at least 10-12 years since then and here I find that the Lord had found a way for me to go to school full time. He has also made it possible for my schooling to be paid for, and my family to be financially taken care of. You might be wondering what my major is.haha Well I am majoring in psychology, with a focus in counseling. I will be going on to a masters in social work with a focus on counseling also. I have finally discovered why God gave me such a great gift. That is to do service for others. Give it time you will find a reason for your gift. In the mean time as many have allready said, live your life. Find some peace in your gift. Ask for guidance from the Lord, and thank him for giving you a gift that is so rare and he felt you were up for the challenge.

I find this much more than something I have said in the past. Yes I have said, "what a boring meeting." Upon thinking about many of these times later on I have realized the great message in "these boring meetings." It would seem to me that this individual has put very much thought into this message, who then felt it important to post such a negative comment on the internet. As someone who is struggling I can only feel sorrow for this individual as I am sure there is a great underlying cause to the feelings that have been portrayed. I have often had similar feelings toward church meetings but later realized as some of you said before, that I am not bringing anything to the meeting i.e. the spirit. I have a long way to go in my own struggle but as I feel I am finally climbing instead of falling, it is amazing how much love God puts in your heart. Too often I was quick to judge in my life as I am now often thinking of my neighbor with love and compassion. I can only hope, and pray that whatever is going on in that persons life that he/she will be able to work it out in the end because it seems to me like the adversary has got a hold.

I too have had to deal with many of these weaknesses for much of my life. I am still working on a major downfall of my life right now but I can tell you. I have almost always gone to church nearly every week. When I was trying to right all my wrongs at once I was sooo overwhelmed. I have quit smoking, drinking, pot, chewing tobacco, and drastically cut down on my vulgar language. I have been working at these issues for many many years and I find myself looking back and realizing. Line upon line, precept on precept. It is an amazing bit of advise, and comfort. Keep working at it, you know what you need to do, and work on doing that which is good for your spriit and things will come together. Good luck, I know the Lord is helping you more than you realize. Take some time and "count your many blessings".

Hey folks, I am trying hard to get involved in a good LDS group that I can spend time reading and being uplifted. It has been a few months since I posted anything or even logged onto the site. This is my attempt to stay focused enough to become more involved. As I am going through some great struggles with a life long addiction that I am working working ever so hard with my father in heaven to kick. I know I need to be more involved with other members. Let me just say for those who arent sure, I know God lives, I love my elder brother Jesus. He is my redemer and I have known this probably as long as I can remember into my childhood. I have never questioned the gospel since my early trials in life brought such great personal revelation. The problem is I have spent way too long in my life justifying my actions. I find more comfort everyday in reading the scriptures, and as most of you know, this path is not an easy one. I hope with this brief intro I can get to know some of you better, and build some great friendships in the gospel. Thanks for listening and God Bless all of you.

I know that mine says I MAY have the opportunity to be apart of the first ressurection. That tells me that I have alot of work to do. :) The opportunity has been givin to me but not guaranteed. I think we should remember that often our patriarchal blessings are road maps of how our life can go but as we all know that sometimes we get big headed and dont follow the map till we get lost and need to find our way back.

welcome, i am new as well but have found lots of acceptance here thanks for your story.

These types of situations are difficult and need to obviously be handled on a personal basis between ourselves and our father in heaven. I have a similar situation of "hate and disgust" toward others. I will briefly share with you. I never went on a mission and instead I married my wife. Great decision? Probably not as it caused much sorrow and contention in our lives. My wifes parents dissowned her for not getting her eduation first and not marrying a returned missionary. We did marry in the SLC temple but none of this mattered. They did not talk to her or have anything to do with the children for over 7 years. Some of the things said to her and about me were very difficult to take in. I have said over and over agian "I hate those people". It has been a struggle for me now for many years. They are in her life and in the childrens lives but only through the bonds of daughter and parents. What i mean is nothing was ever discussed and everyone took a blind eye and just started one day to pretend that nothing ever happened. Me personally I am not ok with that. I have spent alot of years convincing myself that I shouldnt "hate" them for the awful things they did and said. I think today I am just outside of the box of "hate" and leaning more towards frustration. I have told my wife that I want nothing personally to do with them till they are ready to be adults and talk about the situation. So anyways I know not a pedifile but trust me great feelings of "HATE". I have since become discusted with the word hate and dont like it when I hear it. I think it is very strong and I can say that I have felt that before. My point I think is that time will heal. There are many great suggestions allready in this post that I think are important to adhere to. Once you get that hate out of your heart and find a different way to cope then you will find much more peace in your heart and find an easier way to cope with your personal situation. God bless you for your dealings with such an awful trial. You will be in my prayers.

It is mentioned in the book that as natural man we tend to justify our cause. It also says the sins of yesterday are the same as the sins of today it is just that each differnt generation gives those sins a different name. It also says that the way God handled those sins both in the Bible and the Book of Mormon he will handle no differently today. My point being is I think in these statements and some of the more blunt ones made is that we are to understand that from small to big sins the repentance process has never changed and never will cause God does not expect anything different from one person to the next. I think that if we humble ourselves we can read this book and take it to heart. I have found for myself in my struggles that "justification" is such an easy umbrella to fall under and until we find a way out of it we will more than likely have a problem with the steps to forgiveness, i.e. "The Miracle of Forgiveness".

Ok so who has read this book. I have had it lying around for many many years. I recently pulled it out in my attempt to do some soul searching. WOW! You know I read this book maybe 10-12 years ago but didnt even remember until I pulled it out again. I found some old pics of my wife and I. I found an old letter that I had written. I found a copy of my patriachal blessing there. As I read through the book, not only did I notice alot of underlined/marked areas, but I read so many things that I have tried to live much of my life by in the past several years. I started remembering some of the stuff from before. Now I have not read a book in at least as long as it has been since I probably read this one. It only took me but a couple days to read cause the words were so intense. The things President Kimball talks about are piercing to the soul. As I read this book much understanding, comfort, as well as anguish came to me. I am eager to do so much more reading. I have only read the Book of Mormon once and I am sure it was around the time I read this book as well. It was while I was stationed in korea and I needed the comfort. How blessed are we to have such an amazing piece of literature to help bring us back home. I have heard by some and read by others online how "inapropriate" some of President Kimballs words are in this book. It almost seems to some that the book is taboo. The straight forward black and white no noncense God inspired words in this book are beyond great, awsome, wonderful, etc. I think of this book more in terms of inspiration, love, hope, peace, kindness, and a great understanding with no room for misinterpritation, or justification of the atonement and the sacrifice made by our Brother Jesus Christ. I assume that many of you have read the book. Some might say it is a book only referenced by bishops if you have commited a great sin. I beg to differ, these words are meant for all of us great sins, or small. I would urge that you pick it up if you havent read it recently and read it again or for the first time. Thanks for listening again to my thoughts as I go on my personal journey to lead my family to eternal glory. Without the words of the scriptures, and the prophets I would truly be lost.