MrBallroom

One of the issues here is that in some (regrettably way too many, as in one home like this being one too many) Latter-day Saint homes, children are taught by their parents (usually their Nazi-thinking repressive mothers) that sex is dirty, nasty, evil, shameful, sinful, etc., and all that assorted extremist BS, and is a necessary EVIL solely for the purpose of bringing children into the world…and you wonder why Americans, and especially Latter-day Saint Americans are so hung up about sex! Do not misunderstand me here: All of us are — or should have been taught — that sexual relations are a healthy and essential part of an eternal relationship such as marriage, and that sex has its proper place and time in a healthy relationship. As Latter-day Saints, we have been taught that such a relationship has its beginnings in only one place, and that is in a marriage that has its beginnings in the Temple, the House of the Lord. However, life doesn’t always play itself out according to script. Agency—that glorious gift of agency, choice and free will—can be either a blessing or a curse, depending in large measure on one’s individual level of commitment to the Gospel, as well as whether living in your ward and/or stake is either a blessing or an incarceration, all depending on the quality of your presiding officers. There are some cases where people cannot marry in the temple for a variety of reasons, and transgressions may well have NOTHING TO DO with the reason. A good case in point is where one of the couple has not yet been a member a year. There are others as well; the details of which are none of our business. When parents do their job well, and calmly explain to their children the facts of life, using proper names for body parts and functions, then sexuality within marriages can have a healthy basis and start. As a result, a lot of the pain and frustration that can occur through the inability to consummate a marriage can be avoided. Essential to this also includes a premarital physical for both bride and groom where the doctor can have a candid clinical discussion with the couple, and can privately discuss with the bride only any physical concerns that she may have. If the bride has physical difficulty with her monthly cycles, or if she has difficulties using feminine hygiene products of the insertion variety, she may have an unusually thick hymen, which the doctor and his patient may feel requires and/or justifies a minor outpatient procedure prior to the wedding in order to help better facilitate the transition to married life. This procedure can be done in the office on a same-day visit. There may also be psychological fears as well, such as prior sexual abuse, in which the bride had been a victim. These should have been addressed and resolved to the best of their ability prior to the wedding. With these factors in consideration, and provided the husband is not a closeted homosexual and the bride herself is neither lesbian nor bisexual, if at this point, the bride is still not interested in fully expressing herself after two years — despite all these efforts to address and resolve these issues — then serious consideration must be given to cutting her loose; it is a decision that must not be made lightly; the final decision must be made — one way or the other — only after serious prayer and divine confirmation. If they have been married two years and the marriage and they are both young, then both have to look at the possibility, at least for him, to be a father somewhere down the road, in a marriage with someone who will not only love him, but who will allow him to fully use and SHARE his procreative powers with her procreative abilities. Until then, they neither can, nor will be able to live up to the level of their eternal privileges or responsibilities. ***

All these countries whine and caterwaul of America interfering…about America being the ‘world’s policeman’; and when something goes wrong, guess who goes screaming for a cop? I find the hypocrisy ironic…don’t you?

I went into the Marines after high school, and for me, it was the spiritual strengthening of my life that has defined the direction my life has taken, and has been the frame of reference on which most of my major decisions have been based. With three decades and change having since passed, what advice would I give? First of all, make sure you sign on the dotted on the line into a military occupational specialty (MOS) for job skills that are easily transferrable into a civilian job that will pay the bills and provide for either yourself, but also for a family as well. Second, make sure you stay as actively involved in the Church as possible. Given that it will be your first time away from home, you will have a chance to an influence for good on the lives of others who may not have the support mechanisms in their life that you have in yours. Make it appoint to be friendly and flexible in working with others, both in boot camp and beyond. Remember that today’s jerk in boot camp may be your section chief at your next base, so be sure to treat one and all with the same respect and dignity that all people should be treated with. A very important thing to remember: Make sure in your dealings with others, that you do nothing improper that can give your enemies something by which they can attempt to ‘hang you out to dry’. Do your best, be your best, remember who you are, and Godspeed in your wise choices…

Remember one thing above all others: What's past is past. The Lord is more concerned with who you are than with who you were, and with where you are than with where you have been. You ARE on the right track and doing the RIGHT things in your life now... Continue making right choices in your life, and the blessings will keep coming your way...

JudoMinja: The issue with telling someone—including a priesthood leader—is first determining the level of trust a repentant person has with that particular priesthood leader. Before that can occur, one has to determine whether or not to even go to their bishop. If a sin is solely between two people and is not serious in nature, then two reasonable adults can and should be able to resolve it amicably on their own, without involving the bishop, whose primary focus should be on keeping the youth focused and worthy for the blessings of missions and the temple. I know some people in one part of the country who have fantastic bishops and stake presidents in whom they can place substantial trust, and if there were a problem in their lives, they instinctively know who to call first. On the other hand, in some other parts of the country, I know some people, both male and female as well, who, regardless of the sin in which they found themselves involved—including serial adultery—would NEVER go to their priesthood leaders. Why? Simply put, it was because past experiences with bishops and/or stake presidents have been so horrific, and whose trust has been so completely and egregiously violated by uninspired and unqualified men who had no business ever being either ordained or set apart in sacred priesthood offices these people saw desecrated and/or defiled on a daily basis by these abusive men, that they basically put their repentance in a drawer and let time do a large part of the healing without opportunists either running interference, running persecution, or just outright harassing and intimidating good people in the name of spiritual abuse. Long story short: Trust in the Lord, trust your instincts, and if one DOES need to see their Bishop, they will know in their heart and in their mind when THAT time is right…usually after offending priesthood leaders are rotated out to pasture. And when that time comes, there will be an HONORABLE, decent and LEGITIMATE servant of the Lord, who like the Savior Himself, that will be there with outstretched arms to welcome home the lost and wayward seeking to find their home among the ethical, honorable, humble and repentant Children of the Lord. ***

WAKE-UP CALL ALERT! You cut him loose over doubts you had regarding his ability to be a leader and provider, and now that you found someone you DO love nad have since married, you want to reconnect with this almost-ran? HELLO?!? HELLO?!? ANYONE HOME?!? Remember, you cut this first guy loose for a REASON!! You made the right choice by marrying the guy you have now...the keeper! DO NOT REESTBLISH CONTACT in this case! CLOSURE is a myth; almost nothing good comes from it! Grow up! Get Over it or risk losing everything!

Talk to your bishop and also your stake president. Discuss the matter in great detail with them. Was your fiance a member of the Church at the time of her death? Had she already received the blessings of the temple at the time of her passing? Usually, when stake presidents get questions like that and they cannot find guidance in the Handbook, they have standing permission in cases like that to call the Office of the First Presidency...but that call has to come from the Stake President himself, as that is how they properly follow their priesthood lines of authority. Please let us know how this turns out after you talk to your priesthood leaders. We wish you well and are anxious for your success and peace.

You two are remarkably self and well-disciplined. You realize you have gargantuan libidos; you know your limitations, you seem to know where the lines are drawn, and are doing your best not to go into forbidden territory, and that speaks volumes about your honesty, integrity, and the strength of your character. Continue to keep your dating in places where there are a lot of people around, and after your wedding, you not only need not worry about being alone, you can lock the door form the inside! The best things in life are not only free, they are well worth waiting for, and very much worth the sacrifices that need me made in order to achieve them! Good luck to you both in maintaining the worthiness needed to enter the House of the Lord! 