JudoMinja
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Posts posted by JudoMinja
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The only information necessary at a disciplinary council is that which will reveal whether or not the one being disciplined is seeking repentance. Has he humbled himself? Is he striving to make restitution? Is he committed to forsaking the sin? Etc. If presenting outside information will help determine this, then by all means do so. But if this will only rub salt in the wound, better to leave it be.
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I actually watched this today, and I'm not a big Survivor fan. I found it interesting to say the least and may even continue to watch it through the whole season.
They voted Sugar off, which was exactly what I would have done
. Gotta get rid of the weakest link first. May not be the best bet strategy-wise, but it helps you fare better in the long run. -
Except the trait of all-knowing would be omniscience and not omnipotence. I don't think people fully grasp what omnipotence is.. the common definition is to being able to do anything one chooses to do. Yes, that's right.. being able to do anything.
Thanks bmy. I was thinking of the wrong word there- omniscience not ompipotence
. Me and my silly mistakes. My analogy still stands to some extent. The relationship is still very similar to that of a parent and child. When we are little, it seems as though our parents can DO anything, etc. See my earlier post 
.Anyway, God is indeed omnipotent. And part of that is because he would never choose to do anything contrary to the "laws" of creation. This is much the same as those who are given all the keys of the Priesthood. It has been said many times in scriptures that the prophets had the power to do anything they asked- the power of God. God extended that power to them, because he knew they would make the right choices in how to exercise it.
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I hope you don't mind Wm, but I'd like to use you as an example.
I think you've just demonstrated in this thread the very subject Traveler was asking about.You made a choice in how you responded to the topic. When pointed out to you, and upon reflection, you realized that the way you chose to respond wasn't exactly the best way. You could not take back that choice, but you could make up for it by clarifying and apologizing for any misunderstanding.
All our choices work much the same way. I, personally, do not think it is possible to ever really "take back" any choice, even the small ones. Whatever we choose, it will have some effect and that never changes. Perhaps the only way we could ever fully come to understand the nature of our choice would be by first making a wrong choice and correcting it. Sometimes, we can make a choice that we always follow through on and never alter, but usually we mess up again and again before we get it.
Even holding back or "deciding not to decide" is a choice, because our lack of action will have an affect on our lives and the lives of others.
The only way we give up our ability to choose is when we make a choice that limits our options. Addictions, for example. When you choose to partake of an addictive substance you are giving up your power to make choices to that substance. Essentially your choices become- do everything you can to keep the substance, or quit. Here, you still have a choice, but your options have become very limited.
The Lord wants us to act in ways that give us multiple options and free up our ability to choose. He does not want us to be bound or forced into situations with limited options. Sometimes, keeping the commandments and following him may appear binding as these addictions, but in reality choosing to follow Him makes us free. He has given us guidance and knowledge in how we can be free to exercise our agency. When we choose to act righteously, more opportunities are presented to us, as there are many many things that can be done which are righteous.
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I think of God's omnipotence in this way: Omnipotence means all-knowing. He knows FAR more than we do. When we are children, our parents appear to us as omnipotent beings. They seem to know everything- until we learn enough to realize they don't. As we are all spirit children of God, our relationship with him is much the same, except if/when we ever reach an equal level as him, instead of discovering He doesn't know everything, we will discover that he does.
To recognize that he is omnipotent does not make him any less devine or uncaring. Think of this simple scenario: A parent tells a child not to touch the stove because it is hot. The parent KNOWS that the child is going to touch the stove anyway. Does the parent stop the child? No. He/she recognizes that the best way for the child to learn is to go ahead and touch it. After the child does so, the parent comforts the child and shows him/her how to treat the burn and explains again why it is important not to touch the stove- it's hot, you'll get hurt.
God works the same way with us. He KNOWS the choices we will make. He KNOWS we will be hurt by them. But he also KNOWS that we will learn from those choices and the ensuing hurt and he hopes that we will be open to this learning so that we can draw closer to him instead of becoming bitter and rejecting it.
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I think there is such a thing as luck, as God is not concerned with ALL things. He doesn't care so much about the nitty-gritty details, as these aren't really important to his purpose. Blessings come to those who live righteously, but so do challenges. The Lord does not exempt the righteous from hardships, because hardships help us learn and grow.
There are circumstances and situations that I would subject to luck, but I also think it is possible for us to make our own luck. By that, I mean that the things we do can open us up to more opportunity for "lucky" things to come our way.
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There are many emotions, very closely tied to love, that can often be confused. Really, I think we need more than just the word "love" as it covers so many different things. Theres lust and infatuation. Theres the love you feel for a crush, with an intimate partner, and with a spouse you've been with over many years. There's Christ-like love, loving without liking, love between parents, children, and siblings, etc. etc.
If you are speaking of the binding, romantic, deep, and intimate love which draws two people together and commits them to a life spent together forever in marriage (which I'm sure you are), this is a love that grows over time. It can spark in a few moments (as some here have stated) or be unrecognizable until you've known the person for several years, but once you know that love is there it needs to be nourished in order for it to grow.
Sex is supposed to be the culminating act of this love. It is to be shared only with your spouse once you are legally bound in marriage. This creates an intimate bond in which you are sharing yourself wholly and completely with this person. When recognizing the seriousness, sanctity, and specialness of this act, you will not want to toss it on just anyone or throw it around casually like nothing more than a past-time or something you just do for fun.
Of course people make mistakes, and we should be forgiving of those mistakes. There are also MANY in the world who are not taught the sacredness of this act and so cannot really be expected to live up to the law of chastity. This does not change the fact that it IS sacred and meant to be shared with only one person.
Pre-marital sex can lead to all sorts of problems. There will be doubts about your partner, wondering if they are really strong enough to stay loyal to you. Even if you only have sex with that one person, if you don't wait for marriage, you will have these doubts and it will be detrimental to the growth of your bond.
Love is something that grows. It is not something that is just there or isn't there. It is not something that is just discovered or cast aside. The more we get to know a person, the more we respect them and care for them, the more we will love them. And there are things we can do and say that will hurt that growth.
When looking for your romantic partner whom you wish to marry, it is not so much determining how long it takes to "fall in love" as it is determining how long it takes for you to decide that this is a person with whom you wish to let love grow. It must be someone you can trust completely, someone you want to share everything with, someone who shares your core values and beliefs so that you can grow and progress together. Search for someone who will help create an environment in which love can flourish. When you do this, you will find someone- in maybe a day, maybe a year- but they must feel the same about you. Making a commitment to share your lives and all of eternity is a huge choice and should be entered with care.
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It sounds like you are doing all the right things in seeking repentance. Keep up the good work.
It sounds, also, like your wife is being judgmental, but maybe she is just overwhelmed and being cautious. Remember, when you are seeking to let her hear your side of the story that she has her own side as well. Her own thoughts and feelings will influence how she handles this and how she chooses to act.
Your family may be fixable, and it may not be. It depends fully on both of you and your willingness to work things out. You cannot fix things on your own. She has to put in her half. If she is not willing to do that, and/or you are not willing to work with the half she is presenting, then it is better to let things go and move on. But don't give up! There is so much to be done right now. You are in a very tough spot, emotionally and spiritually. This is going to be hard on both of you. You need to commit yourself fully to the repentance process and she must commit herself fully to forgiveness. Its going to take work and healing on both ends, but it can be done.
I wish you the best of luck.
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I have been reading over this thread and giving it a lot of thought, and I finally think I may have something useful to add.
My father does not have any strong family ties. His grandfather was in the military and moved around a lot. Then his father moved around a lot (not military though). Then my dad joined the military and moved around a lot. His family is scattered all over the globe. They will occassionally have a large family get together, but these are rare. The last one I remember was Thanksgiving probably about 10 years ago. He doesn't have a problem with this and keeps in touch with his family through the occassional phone call or email, usually on birthdays and holidays. He doesn't care that much about being close to his immediate family either and can't wait to get us kids out of the house
.My mother, on the other hand, grew up in a small town and had all her family nearby all her life. When she married my dad, she moved around with him everywhere he went which was a big change and shocking experience for her. She often talks about wanting to be near her family again, but is also content with currently living somewhere that there is no snow to shovel. She misses the closeness of her family, yet also knows this is where we were meant to be at this time.
Right now, my father is retired from the military and is working a computer/web-mastering job. He is always applying other places, looking for a better job than the one he currently has, I think because he's really just struck with wanderlust and can't settle down. They've already been in this same location far longer than anywhere else they've ever lived.
What he does when looking for other jobs is apply to anything he finds that sounds like it might work out well. Some of these are close to where my mother grew up, but not all. They're just all over the place. If one of them seems interested, he'll talk it over with them on the phone and if it sounds promising will go for an interview. He then does some research on the area. He checks out the cost-of-living, housing possibilities, the nearest church building and temple, the schools, etc. If it looks like they're going to ask him to take the job, he talks everything over with my mom to see what she thinks and then prays about it.
So far, he hasn't accepted anything different from the job he took right after retiring. Usually, its because the pay isn't enough to make up for the rise in cost-of-living and after praying he feels that it just isn't the right time to go anywhere.
Currently, he's looking at a hobby-farm near where my mother grew up that costs about the same as the house we have now (and it comes with 131 acres of land! awesome deal!). He may or may not go through with this, but what it always boils down to is he wants to make the best move for the family. This decision takes into consideration all the changes- financial, school, the moving process, adjusting to the new location, etc.
No matter what though, he always councels with my mom about it and always prays about it. The decision ends up being a three-way choice. His, hers, and Gods.
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My family has a Papillon dog and a tabby cat. My parents aren't big on animals and want to get rid of the dog.
Once I have my own place and can afford it though, I plan on having a lot of pets. I'm a big dog person and would go for something along the lines of an Irish Wolfhound or a Bernese Mountain Dog. Cats galore. And reptiles are awesome. I love snakes and lizards of all sorts. Add to that my love of birds (parrots, macaws, etc for pets and hawks, eagles, etc for falconry) and my place would be a menagerie. If I lived in the country I would also try to have horses and maybe a goat.
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I agree with you Vanhin, but I don't see it so much as the government trying to usurp authority. I think they see a lack and they are trying to fill in a gap. The problem is, this gap can only be filled by families.
The family unit is falling apart, and with that society. The government is trying to deal with the symptoms of this (like obesity) and having difficulty discovering the root of the problem. Many families just aren't doing their jobs anymore. Children grow up to think they need not respect authority because their parents give them no reason to respect them. They grow up making poor health choices, because their parents don't teach them the importance of their health. Etc. etc.
Many of the problems we see in our society, which the government is trying to fix with harsher laws and punishments, with more government funded programs and taxes, etc, CANNOT be solved this way. If we want to correct these problems, we need to correct the discord in our homes and take care of ourselves and our families.
People rely too heavily on others solving all their problems when it is US who must solve our own problems. We must take responsibility for our own actions and choices and teach our children to do the same.
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There was a talk by a general authority (can't remember who or where it was given, I think general conference but I'm not sure). He compared repentance and being born again to turning a cucumber into a pickle. It is a thorough process, and if not done properly will not result in the desired "pickled" state.
To be born again is to experience a complete change of heart. This can be a sudden experience (like with Alma the Younger, Enos, and Paul/Saul) though these are few. Usually, it is a gradual process over a long period of time as we live lives more and more in line with Christ's teachings and become more and more repentant. To be born unto Christ is to accept him wholly and completely. It means to give up our sins to follow him. It means to experience a complete and total change in how we approach life. We desire to do as he teaches not because we are told to, but because we WANT to.
In the sense that many Christians think of the term "born again", I would say I have been. But when I think of it as this complete change of heart, I would say that I am still in the process.
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Funny story regarding sleepwalking:
When I was living in the college dorms, one night I forgot to lock my door before going to bed. Someone came in my room and proceeded to start climing into bed with me. In a half-asleep, half-awake state myself, I scooted over to make room, thinking I was home and this was my younger sister. Once this girl was laying next to me though, I slowly woke up all the way, realized where I was and that I had no idea who this person was.
I lept out of bed, scared out of my wits and looked at this sleeping girl in my bed wondering what on earth I should do. It seemed my only option was to wake her up and tell her she was in my bed... which I did. When she woke up, she started, lept from the bed herself, started apologizing profusely, explained she was sleepwalking, and went out the door.
I locked the door, and never forgot to lock it again.
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What many people tend to miss is that this "feeling" we are encouraged to look for is much more than an emotional affirmation. The Lord said that he would tell us in our MINDS AND in our HEARTS if it be true. This, to me, suggests that we must put forth ALL our faculties in determining what is truth. We must feel this on an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual level.
Science, study, interrogation, experimentation, etc all appeal to our logical faculties. These are good things, but all on their own cannot tell us much.
Our emotions are more closely tied with our spiritual half. Both of these give us a strong sense of morality, right and wrong, what we are comfortable with, what we like and don't like, and what rings true. Using strictly emotions however, like using strictly logic will not get us very far.
We need to balance both in how we approach discovering truths. Then, when we feel we have found the truth the Lord can confirm our efforts. When we pray, we pray to know with a surety whether our study has lead us to the right answer. Sometimes His answer is very obvious and powerful, other times it is not. But one thing will always be the same in how he answers prayers-
He will tell you in your mind AND in your heart.
If you are on the right track, you will feel comfortable, you will feel right, you will know because both your heart and mind are in accordance with the direction you are taking.
If you are on the wrong track, you will have "a stupor of thought". You will be confused, you won't be sure about your choice, and there will be disagreement within you.
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The Lord said that those who follow him will be blessed, no matter their motive or reason. The simple fact that they are living righteously is enough. He said blessed are those who are compelled to be humble. BUT, he then followed it up by saying even more blessed are those who humble themselves because they CHOOSE to do so.
The Lord does not want us to be compelled in all things. He wants us to CHOOSE. There is nothing wrong with needing a little push in the right direction on occassion, as I think everyone needs this sometimes. We all have our moments where we need a little incentive to keep doing what we know is right. The problem, is when we will ONLY do it if there is an incentive. And even then, if we gripe and moan and complain about it.
We shouldn't murmur or whine when choosing the right, because we should be making this choice because it is what we WANT to do. Our thoughts and actions should be in synche. When there is conflict between them, over time, it is usually the thoughts that win out, and if we work with a begrudging heart eventually we will not work at all, always asking "What's in it for me?" and never finding our bonus enough.
Do the right thing. Whether you are compelled or not. The commandments are supposed to be a guideline for our lives, but the Lord wants us to do far more than just "Keep the Commandments". He wants us to LOVE one another with all our heart, might, mind, and strength. If we truly love our brethren, we will have their best interests and welfare at heart. We will watch out for them, care for them, and try to lead them aright. We will be blessed for doing this, and even more blessed for CHOOSING to do it, of our own free will, without having to pushed or pulled and resisting it all the way.
Have a willing heart and mind and act righteously, because you WANT to be righteous.
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There are many anecdotal stories that show work and dedication are a necessary part of faith.
One is the man caught in a flood. The news warned there would be a flood, but he did nothing, trusting God would save him. A neighbor drove by, asking if he wanted a ride, but he stayed, trusting God would save him. When his house was flooded, a boat came by, asking if he wanted help, but he stayed, trusting that God would save him. When he was stuck on his roof, a helicopter came, asking if he wanted aboard, but he stayed, trusting that God would save him. When he walked through the pearly gates and met God he asked "Why didn't you save me?" God replied- "I warned you through the news. Compelled your neighbor to give you a ride. Sent a boat and a helicopter. All of these you ignored. You would still be alive, if you had done something."
Another- two farmers are struggling in a drought. Both pray for rain, but only one goes out to prepare his fields. Which one had faith that the rain would come? The one who did the work.
And lastly- A man needed to hire a coach driver to deliver his goods. He interviewed several men, looking for a good driver. He asked them- "You will be driving along a mountain pass. How close can you get to the edge?" The first replied he could get within a couple feet and still be safe. The second said he could do better than that, he could drive right along the edge, even letting the wheel go over slightly and still be safe. The third replied- "I'll stay as far away from the edge as possible". It was the third who was hired. He was willing to do whatever it took to be safe instead of pushing the boundaries.
All these examples, and many others, are evidence of faith, believing IN Christ, and believing Him. As Justice and Just_A_Guy have stated, if we truly have faith and trust in the Lord, we will do as he has asked us to do.
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I'm also no longer in school but remember having similar experiences. Especially once I started going to college. There, I felt very cut off from the church (partially due to my own choices, but also because I was far away from family and friends and there were very few members attending a very large school). Living the gospel and doing the right things when surrounded by unhealthy influences and examples. This is why it is so important for us to attend church. Our church meetings help boost our spirituality and give us the strength to continue living righteously in our daily lives.
I remember going to high school, I absolutely loved going to early morning seminary. I would bring my scripture mastery cards with me to school and work on them there. Having a spiritual start to my day helped keep me on the right track.
When you find yourself surrounding by those choosing to live unrighteously, the best thing you can do is everything you can think of that will give you a spiritual boost. Read and STUDY your scriptures, say your prayers, go to seminary and/or institute, go to all your meetings on Sunday and actively participate, read your ensign and new era magazines, and if you are still feeling a lack find even more ways to build yourself spiritually.
When you cannot do these things, remember what you learned while doing them and try to put those lessons into action. Treat others with kindness and affection. Use clean speech, take the higher road when presented with opportunities to cheat, lie, or steal. Etc. etc. etc.
Everyone has moments where they feel alone. Don't let such feelings consume you. Satan will attempt to use them to draw you down. Instead, remember that the Lord is always with you. You are never alone.
The hardest part of living the gospel is different for everyone. Figure out what your weaknesses are and strengthen them. Don't let yourself be caught in a tough spot where you will be tempted to give in on your weak areas. If you can't find good friends that will build you up, it's better to just not have friends. And yes, that is very hard. I went through all four years of high school having just one good friend, and we didn't really spend much time together due to family issues.
Now, I know I said a lot here and that my comments were kind of all over the place. I just hope you find some of this helpful. Good luck in school, and stay focused!
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I had a few bouts of sleepwalking as a child. One I woke up in my closet (very frightening), another hanging from the edge of the kitchen table, and last about to go to the bathroom... in my parents room! o.O Thankfully they caught me and directed me to the real bathroom.
One of my nephews also recently had an episode. He did not sleepwalk, but he started crying and moaning in his sleep as if having a nightmare. When we attempted to wake him, he sat up and opened his eyes, but he was just staring off into space, his eyes glazed over. We spoke to him, waved our hands in front of his face, snapped our fingers by his ears and got no response. When we layed him back down, his eyes remained open for a while, before he started giggling, closed his eyes and went back to "sleep".
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Works and faith go hand-in-hand in the same way that justice and mercy go hand-in-hand. Upon first glance, they seem contradictory, but given closer inspection, we see that we cannot have one without the other. Our world is a world of polar opposites, and we need those opposites. 2 Nephi 11 goes into detail on these opposites. Paraphrased-
If there were no law, there could be no sin. If there were no sin, there could be no righteousness. If there were no righteousness, there could be no happiness, nor misery without happiness. If these are not, there is no right or wrong. If there is no right or wrong, there is no God. If there is no God, there is no creation, and all things are for naught.
We need these opposites in our lives. Without them there would be no agency. How can we make a choice, if we are not presented with something to choose from?
If these opposites are so important, and God saw fit to give us agency so we could choose, why? Why must we have the ability to choose? Because God wants us to make the choice for ourselves, of our own free will, to be righteous. His plan was not to force righteousness upon us but to have us CHOOSE righteousness. What would be the point in choosing righteousness if we are saved no matter what we do?
In contrast, God is a just God and his laws are perfect. We, as human beings drawn by the desires of the flesh, are imperfect. It is impossible for us to be perfectly righteous. We will make mistakes. We will screw up. We will sin. If there were only justice, we would all be damned. Because of this, we cannot be saved solely by our works. We can work and work and work until our faces turn blue. We can strive harder and harder and do more and more to better ourselves and build up the kingdom, but it will never be enough. This does not mean the work is not required. We are still expected to work. We are still expected to do our best. We are still expected to keep pushing forward and endure to the end.
This is where grace comes in. Grace is indeed a gift. No matter what we do, we can not do enough to PAY for grace. We can not PAY for our own salvation or suffer for our own sins. It is impossible. We need the grace of God if we want to be saved. Jesus Christ suffered for us. He paid for our sins and offered the ultimate sacrifice. Without this, all our works would be for naught. He is our Savior, our Redeemer, our Everything. He makes up for all our lack, all our inadequacies, all our imperfections.
But still we cannot slack! Both works AND faith are required. We cannot have one without the other. Just as there is both justice AND mercy.
We must both believe in Christ and believe Him. I equate believing in Christ to believing in His divine mission and mercy for us, that he has given us this gift of grace, and I equate believing Him to a study and understanding of His teachings and APPLYING THEM TO OUR LIVES.
While Christ offers the Atonement unto all, only those who accept it will receive it. How do we accept it? By following him. By taking upon ourselves His name. By becoming His desciples. By applying His teachings to our lives and living them. We may not be able to PAY our way into heaven, but I believe we can EARN it. This is done by giving it our all, by doing our best, by striving always to learn more truth and live more in tune with His teachings. When we do so, THEN the gift of grace makes up for our lack.
Thank you Justice.
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I've been thinking about this topic a lot today after tragedy hit one of our neighbors. When at least half the town was watching the SuperBowl, our neighbor's house burned down. I felt terrible because I might have been able to call 911 sooner but thought that the strange popping sounds I heard were coming from the pork ribs I had in the oven. It wasn't until my daughter saw smoke 5 minutes later that the fire department was called. Even though the station is literally 1 mile down the street, it took 30minutes for them to round up firemen and get the trucks in front of the house. By that time, the fire had engulfed the roof. In less than an hour, they lost everything and our next-door neighbor's home was slightly damaged.
I was thinking about this topic because I don't really like these neighbors. The parents don't take care of their 3 sons. Their younger boys are regularly banned from riding the school bus for hitting and are often left alone in the care of the 12 year old while the parents are out doing who knows what. After school, their 6 year old son is always looking for some place to play. Some of my neighbors don't let him in anymore because of very bad behavior (hitting the kids, swearing and yelling at the adults) so he's been in our home nearly every weekday for the past month. So far he has been perfectly behaved, probably because my house is the only place he can go for real meals (the 12 yr old does all the cooking) and be safe from his older brothers. My husband has had to break up fights between them before.
I feel guilty for not feeling too sad that they won't be living near us for a while because my son and their youngest were becoming closer friends. Although J***** was behaving for me, I doubted it would last without supportive teachings in his own home. My two brothers got into lots of trouble (theft, drugs, prison) partly because they chose poor friends and so I might be a little bit paranoid when it comes to my son.
At the same time I am eager to be part of the ward and neighborhood effort to help them. I have no doubt that my role is to serve them regardless of my feelings about the parents and concerns about the boys. I am sorrowful for their loss but I would also be relieved if they decide not to return. Obviously my charity is lacking.
I do not think you are lacking in charity (at least not any more than is normal for being human
). Your concerns are expected, as you are looking out for the welfare of your own family. It is important to keep our families safe, and sometimes that means limiting interaction with "bad influences".However, attempting to judge where to draw the line with such influences can be very difficult. We want to welcome all into the fold of the gospel, especially those who are struggling as they need it the most. The mere fact that you have been allowing their son to play with yours and eat meals with you, despite the behavioral problems and your fears, says a lot about your charity. I think it is possible that he behaves better in your home because he feels the spirit there.
And don't beat yourself up over how long it took to get them help. We always see something more that could have been done, and we tend to take unneccessary guilt upon our shoulders. It's not your fault their house caught fire, and from what you've written here, I'd say you did all you could to help.
Just keep being a good example, make sure the child knows what behavior is expected of him in your home and hold him to it. Who knows, years down the line he may be struggling in his life, and he will remember your charity. He will remember the Christ-like love your family showed him and even respect you for setting boundaries with his behavior. You may feel like you are doing little to be charitable right now, but a little love, friendship, and understanding can go a long way.
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One of my Girls Camp years our theme stressed the difference between Believing In Christ and Believing Christ. This is not doctrinal and has no exact quote anywhere in scriptures, but what we were taught there was that it is easy to believe IN Christ- that he lived and taught and was an actual person perhaps even a prophet- but do we BELIEVE Him?
To believe Him implies that we will take action, because this means that we will accept and follow His teachings. I remember being told there that even Satan believes IN Christ.
While this worked for teaching us what it really means to believe His teachings though, I think believing IN Christ means more than what we learned there. Just think about a situation you may have with a friend or loved one aspiring to accomplish something very difficult. They may ask you, "Do you believe in me?" To me, this means, do you believe I can do this? Do you have faith in me? Will you support me as I strive to accomplish this? I think believing in Christ is more sononymous with this idea. If we believe in Him, that means we have faith in Him, that we believe He suffered for our sins so that we can be forgiven, and that we will support His work.
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Is there a correlation between virginity and leeching?
My dearest best friend will be approaching 30 in a couple years. Not long ago she confided in me that she felt she would be single forever and die an old maid. She is not LDS but has remained chaste for all this time. At least, until she met her boyfriend, who she has since started a physical relationship with for the last year. From what she's told me about him, I've come to believe that he's a bad influence and absolutely no good for her. I could go into detail but in short, he struggles with multiple addictions and is manipulative with her. BUT she loves him. Imagine that.
It seems to me that virgins are more prone to falling hard and fast for their "first love". Regardless if their romantic interest is abusive or not, I think someone who hasn't dated or hasn't been in a relationship before, is more likely to become emotionally leeched to the first person that shows them affection. Thoughts?
I think there is definitely a correlation between virginity and leeching, just not a direct one. As was previously stated, we were all virgins at some point or another (or still are) and we have not all ended up with a "leech" attached to us.
There is a definite emotional high with the first. There is an emotional high in any relationship at the start, whether it is the first or not, but the first seems intensified because these are newly explored feelings. With the first, you are learning and defining what these feelings mean and determining whether or not they mean this is the person you want to stick with. Some can become very confused and find themselves throwing their better judgment out the window, believeing that feeling this way IS the answer and no matter what, they could never feel the same with someone else.
I think the correlation can be better understood when looked at this way:
Complete Virginity- meaning a complete lack of any intimate relationship or the feelings accompanying one
Time- there is a buildup of desire and hormonal frustration over longer periods of time
Patience- personal willingness to continue waiting as long as necessary vs. a desperation to find ANYONE willing to be with you
Leeches- people who feed off of desperation, easily finding those lacking self-worth and twisting them every which way to get everything they want
Someone who has maintained complete virginity (or near to it) over an extended period of time and lacks patience will find themselves a leech.
I was one of those people. I know what its like to go through something like that, and the key to avoiding the leeches is to build on the patience. Don't let the time you are lacking intimacy and your cravings cause you to lower your standards or question your self-worth. Doing so will be ultimately detrimental to you, as your desperation will attract a manipulator and you will be blind to their tactics.
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I understand that you want to make a big difference in the world, and to some extent that is a "fix it" mentality. Your plight reminds me of that of Alma, after he'd been preaching the gospel and sharing it with both Nephites and Lamanites for some years. He said (in Alma 39:1-3 i think. Not 100% sure on the reference) "Oh that I were an angel, and could have the desire of mine heart. That I might go forth and preach repentance unto every nation... But behold I am a man and do sin in my wish. I ought to be content with the things the Lord has alloted unto me." (also not 100% sure on the wording as I did that from memory)
Alma wanted to make big changes too. He wanted to have a big effect. He wanted to share his story with EVERYONE. He wanted the entire world to feel as he did and be filled with the same strong desire for righteous living. But he also knew that there was only so much he could do and that the Lord had given him everything he needed to fulfill his purpose. He did not let this lack in his ability to have the impact he wanted make him apathetic. No- he put his whole heart in the work. He pushed himself to the limit, did everything he could, and when he felt like it wasn't enough, he trusted in the Lord.
You can make a bigger difference than you realize. Alma felt chained by his mortal limitations, but he pushed those limits. He never gave up. And now, his words ARE shared with the world.
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thank you for your responses.....I have read the miracle of forgiveness, and honestly it just makes me mad. I know that is the wrong emotion to feel....but I can't help it. I don't know what about it gets to me, but I just get so irritated and then full blown angry....maybe i'm so far away from the spirit that when it tries to work on me I hate it even more...i don't know but its hard to say "what will I lose" because im wondering if those things that I stand to lose (i.e. the spirit, exhaltation, eternal life, etc.) are even real...and if they aren't then why bother?
It seems to me like repentence is this circle that you just keep going around in life....it takes guilt/sorrow which leads you to use the atonement, which takes faith in christ and a testimony that the atonement is real...which leads to forgiveness....except for if you've been sinning so much, you don't have a testimony, and you don't even know if Christ is real anymore, and its hard to have guilt/sorrow when its just these men who may or may not be called by a God who may or may not exist telling you that what you are doing is terrible....its like repentance is a circle, but if your in need of repenting there is no way to get inside the circle and actually make progress...you can pretend and go through the motions, but you get no where.
I had a hard time with this too. For a couple years, I didn't even want to take the step onto the path of repentance because I knew my heart wasn't in it. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I wasn't committed enough to fully give it up. I had my doubts, but I also knew that the misery I felt was Godly sorrow and my testimony never fully dissipated. I wouldn't pray, because I refused to make an insincere repentance.
Someone else had to give me the push to confess to my bishop, but even then I didn't really feel ready. It wasn't until I started diligently studying the scriptures that I started to make progress. I did a topical study on sin, repentance, atonement, wickedness, and perfection. I took notes, looking for specific scriptures that meant something to me. I read The Miracle of Forgiveness and Putting on the Armor of God. I took the For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet and re-wrote my own standards specific to me, being harsher and more strict and specific in the areas I knew I needed to work on.
At this point, I still wasn't praying. I wasn't doing this because I was ready to be in the good graces of God. I was doing it because I knew how miserable I felt in my sins, and I remembered how wonderful I felt before I'd committed them. I was tired of that misery, and I wanted to better myself. I knew that the gospel and the standards were good, because I remembered the person I was when I was living them. I knew I couldn't become that person again, but I at least wanted to do what I knew to be right.
It wasn't until I devoted myself to doing whatever it took to rid my body of its weaknesses and conquer my addictions that I finally felt ready to ask the Lord's forgiveness.
The fact that you recognize there is a need to repent and that you want to do something about your lack of feeling Godly sorrow is wonderful. You are already on the path to repentance. The rest will come with time. For some people, this happens quickly. For others, it takes years. Just keep at it and don't fret over what you don't have yet.
What is a Choice?
in LDS Gospel Discussion
Posted
Lack of information or understanding of the consequences does not change the fact that we make a choice. A guess is still a choice. We are always making choices, small and large, every moment of every day.
We all have within us the Spirit of Christ, the ability to tell right from wrong. This is the only information we need when making a choice. If you are presented with an apple and a cookie as choices for a snack, no matter how much information you have about the two choices, you are still making a choice. You can choose the apple. You can choose the cookie. You can choose neither. You can even choose both.
Do you need to know the exact chemical make-up and their effect on your digestion for this to be considered a choice? No. More detailed knowledge can help you make a more informed choice, but it is not necessary. Even a child knows that both are sweet, but the cookie more enticing and the apple more healthy. They know the cookie will satisfy their tastebuds, but the apple will help them grow up strong. No more knowledge is necessary.
All that is necessary for a choice to be made is a contrast. There must be a good and a bad, a right and a wrong. As long as these opposites are present, we can make a choice.