JudoMinja
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Posts posted by JudoMinja
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Nope. Only phobia I have is Aichmophobia.
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1. Can you tell us a bit about yourself such as your age, ethnicity and education?
25, caucasian, BS in Fish and Wildlife Management
2. Where were you born? Can you describe where you grow up and what was it like
there?
I was born in northern New York, but didn't live there long enough to be familiar with the area at all. My father was military, and we moved around quite a bit. I never lived outside the US, but I've been just about everywhere within the states while I was growing up, going to college, and working various summer jobs. I currently live in central Texas, but would really pefer to move back to my favorite place- northern Minnesota, or somewhere with a similar climate and wildlife job opportunities.
3. What is your religion?
LDS/Mormon/Christian
4. Were you born into this religion or did you come about it later on in life? If so, what
made you choose or stay in the religion you are in?
My parents are both active, faithful, Latter-day Saints and have been since before my birth, so I was raised within this religion. I don't think I truly came to understand the teachings and beliefs as they differed from other religions and how much I personally identified with it and had faith in it though until my college years. I went through a period of doubts and inactivity while I studied other religions and ended up re-identifying as LDS as I've gained a personal testimony of the truthfulness of the restoration, the Book of Mormon, and the leadership of the prophets.
5. Do you practice your religion on a daily basis?
Yes. I pray daily, study my scriptures and other religious materials, do my best to live by the standards and keep my covenants, and seek to share with others and offer Christ-like service and compassion to all those around me. My religion is very much about who and what I strive to be every day.
6. Can you tell us key ideas from your religion?
The thirteen articles of faith do a much better job than I could at identifying the very basic tenants of our belieifs and the key points of our religion, but here is a basic outline of my testimony:
I believe in the existence of God, that he is the Father of our spirits, that we existed with Him as spirits before coming to earth, that the Fall of both Lucifer and Adam were part of His plan for our growth and progression so that we could spend our mortal probation in a world of opposition so that we could choose for ourselves to follow the path of righteousness or evil.
I believe that Christ was and is our eldest spirit brother and that He is the Only Begotten in the flesh who came to earth to suffer for our sins and overcome death, making it possible for us to inherit the blessings of eternity despite our flaws, mistakes, sins, and imperfections as we follow the path He showed us to repent and be perfected through His mercy, grace, and forgiveness.
I believe that God has organized His religion on earth for our benefit, offering us guidance and leadership through personal revelation and the offering of His power of the Priesthood to those faithful and worthy. That His Church is established with men of humble origins to stand at it's head, to be watchmen and His mouth to offer counsel, advice, and warning, as prophets, seers, and revelators. I believe that as part of this organization, He asks us to set ourselves apart by making covenants, and that as long as we hold up our end of those covenants we can inherit His blessings.
7. What are your views on your religion? How strong are your beliefs? Are you strict
with your religion?
I believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints clarifies many truths through direct revelation from the Father which many other religions struggle to understand through reason, science, and historical writings. I have found the greatest levels of understanding, peace, and truth through studying the doctrines of this gospel and striving my best to follow the counsel of the prophets. I have my weaknesses and know that others within the church are just as flawed as I, but nothing will sway me from my belief in the truthfulness of this gospel.
8. Do you believe it to be the only religion worth following?
No. I believe it is the only religion for me, because it's truthfulness has been revealed to me personally and to walk away from it would be to turn from what I know to be right in my very soul, making me a hypocrite and a liar. But I also believe that there are many portions of truth in many religions and that people are led to where they will receive the learning and experience they most need for their own personal growth and learning. I have studied the teachings of many other religions and continue to do so and strive to apply the truths I find wihin them to my life.
9. Is your religion open to other religions; is it similar to other religions?
Yes, and yes. And the more I study other religions, the more I find similarities. There are some very obvious and important differences that set us apart, but I think other religions are all like the three blind men and the elephant- touching portions of the whole and striving to understand it as best they can while falling short of the whole picture. I've found myself identifying with Catholics, Evangelicals, Buddhists, Taoists, Muslims, animists, and even Wiccans, which serves to further strengthen my testimony that the full truth is found here with all these other religions touching on pieces of it.
10. How do other religions view you or your religion?
Most other Christian religions consider the LDS a cult, but as understanding of our beliefs is increasing, I've heard some consider us the "third Abrahamic religion" (Jews, Christians, LDS). Pagans I've spoken with have lumped us with Christianity, and Eastern religions tend to either consider us sorely mistaken or view us much how I view them- touching a portion of truth but falling short of the whole.
11. Does your religion affect your personal life? Interaction with others? If so how?
Certainly. My religion is a part of who I am and as such it plays a role in every decision I make. I set myself apart through the maintenance of promises and covenants like the Word of Wisdom and Law of Chastity. I hold myself to very high expectations of honesty, integrity, and ethical behavior. I seek after constant improvement in myself and to extend my help to others where I can- utilizing my talents and skills in callings and service. I strive to participate in enriching activities and endeavors. I've found that my focus leads me to success and a high reputation with coworkers, but also makes it a bit more difficult to socialize in a less formal capacity, as many consider me too serious.
12. What do you find most rewarding about your religion?
I feel at peace with myself. I find enriching knowledge and understanding. I am raising my son in a setting that I know will prepare him for success. I am surrounded by the support of others with strong family values. I am "laying up treasures in heaven" instead of seeking material gain. I have a path filled with hope and purpose and can be optimistic about the future.
13. Have you ever questioned your faith?
Yes. As stated eariler, I went through a period of doubt in my college years, as I stepped away from relying on the testimony of my parents and had to build a testimony of my own.
14. What are your views on modern society?
I believe that society is slowly being degraded and falling apart. There are many good people out ther, doing good things and striving to keep things together, but the loss of spiritual understanding, of family values, of self-restraint, etc. is leading society in general down a slippery slope.
15. What are views on politics in general?
I believe that government is an establishment meant to organize and serve the people. With good leaders focused on this purpose, any government could be successful, but it is easiest to avoid corruption with checks and balances. I believe the constitution of the US was inspired for this purpose, but that with time as society has degraded, so has our government also been degrading. People go into politics for a career instead of for service and everything gets lost in all the back and forth and red tape and corruption instead of seeing to the purposes the government was established for. In a republic like ours, every individual has a responsibility to vote and fulfill their other civic duties, so that we can stave off this corruption as best we can.
16. Would you consider yourself conservative, liberal or centrist?
None of the above. My political views don't fit into any kind of defined box. I have some conservative views, some liberal, and some centric, as well as some political views and beliefs that don't fit in any of those categories. I think everyones views are unique and that we strive too much to put defining labels on everyone. These labels pit us against each other and cause contention instead of bringing us together in an effort to do what is best for everyone.
17. What are your views on Canadian politics? How about international politics?
I don't know enough about the politics of other countries to have any kind of definitive view on them.
18. How do you feel about religion (in general) being used in politics or religion used in
politics?
I believe that it is impossible to completely separate religion from politics and that efforts to do so are rather rediculous. The separation of church and state within the US constitution is there to ensure that no one religion is mandated over another so that everyone can have the freedom to practice their own religion and beliefs, so long as they are not repressing others in doing so. That does not mean that we should exclude God from our political decisions entirely. Those who have a belief in Him should not cast that belief aside to suit others, but should continue to seek out His counsel and guidance in prayer in order to do what they feel is best for the people.
19. Does your religious beliefs and practices influence your political views? How and
why?
Yes. My religious beliefs identify what I believe to be right true and important for our success as individuals, families, nations, and humanity. Those beliefs will most certainly tie in closely with how I believe a government should be run.
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If Vort ever cries, I'm sure this is why:
Sorry Vort. I just have this comparison on my brain, due to the gay thread. Hope you don't mind. :)
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Tobuscus!
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I hadn't posted on this thread yet, because I never noticed the original post from over a year ago until hbgb came to add on about her similar situation. I've been reading over everything, trying to see if there was anything I could add to the discussion. I'm quoting hbgb's original post below for reference for myself, as this is what I will be adressing instead of the OP from the person who started the thread- since that person has not returned to the discussion and probably got all the help they needed already:
I have been dealing with this same issue for years and have just gotten to the point where I can't take it any more. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and have 4 children. He is a convert and I was inactive. I got pregnant and just figured that I had to marry him. I loved him at first but because of so many issues building up for so many years, I ended up cheating on him in the hopes that he would find out and want a divorce. Yes, I know, it's stupid and I pay for that mistake every day of my life. I regret it and hate that I have hurt him.
I have since reconciled the situation but still cannot stand to be around him most of the time. I'm tired of being the one who puts all the effort into everything. He also has a terrible temper and has treated me and the kids terribly for years. He does everything halfway, including his callings in the church and his duty as the patriarch of our family, but what is the worst is that he gives me grief about the way I want to have FHE and family scripture study.
How do you accept the fact that you will be with this person for eternity when you can barely make it through the weekend?
First of all, the way your marriage started off sounds exactly like how mine did. I had gone inactive, met a convert to the church who "stole my heart", broke the law of chastity, and married to do the "right thing". That marriage, however, ended inside of a year because my husband had been extremely abusive. Now, before people start jumping the gun on the abuse train, I do not use the term loosely. Several people here already know some of the details of my previous marriage and divorce, and I was committed to staying true to my covenants and seeing my marriage through thick and thin, until I felt the life of my child was threatened.
While I believe that abusive situations sometimes merit divorce, I also believe that it is possible for two people to work it out if both really have the desire to do so and the abuse is not so extreme as to put safety in jeopardy. Too many people in the world use the term abuse lightly and use it as an excuse to escape a situation they just don't want to work on anymore. So you need to ask yourself- Are you in danger? Are your children in danger? If the answer to either of those questions is "yes" then you need to make some immediate changes to get yourselves out of harms way. Whether that change means divorce or separation is up to you.
If you still feel safe, then it is time to roll up your sleeves for some serious work. You made a commitment to this man. Now you say, you feel like you hate him... This is because you have allowed a destructive cycle to continue for too long. You need to "change the dance"- to steal a quote from anatess. You need to recognize that you cannot control or change him, but you can control and change yourself. You can determine what you will and will not tolerate, set limitations, and alter how you respond to his behavior. You can seek out help from bishops, books, friends, counselors, professionals... The idea is to not give up without an extremely good reason to do so.
None of us here know enough about your situation to know which route is best for you. We can offer you advice based on what you share with us, but ultimately the choice is in your hands. You are the one with all the information. I strongly advice you to take stock of your saftey and the safety of your children first. If you feel that any of you are threatened, you need to get somewhere that you will feel safe. Once that is addressed, you can work on everything else.
However, I am with anatess in that I think many people give up on their marriages far too easily. I don't think her comments have been insensitive- she has merely shared her personal side/story and identified that it is possible to improve a marriage with someone who exibits abusive behavior, if that person is willing to work on it with you. So before giving up, you need to determine if your husband has that willingness and desire. You need to alter your "dance" and see if he follows your lead. If he puts up resistance and refuses to work to better the situation, you may be in a place where divorce is the only option for moving forward. But exhaust all other possibilities before making that decision.
And as an aside for anatess- You mentioned not understanding how abuse can be hidden for extended periods of time. I think I can explain that. In most cases, an abuser sets a "trap" of sorts to reel a person in and gain control over them. Depending on their trap-setting skill and the pliability of the one they are attempting to trap, this can happen slowly or quickly. Their first goal is to cut you off- socially, emotionally, financially etc. Secluding you from friends by monopolizing your time, convincing you those friends cannot be trusted, being possessive or overly jealous of others, etc. Convincing you you cannot even trust yourself or your own judgement and must instead rely on him/her. You get pulled in bit by bit until you have nowhere to go, nobody to turn to, and are completely reliant on the abuser. Then, they strike. Once you are under their control, they can do as they wish.
In my situation this happened quickly. I was on an emotional high and euphoria from just being in a romantic relationship and was easily manipulated. I was already far from the influence of my family and starting to feel cut off from my friends as they were splitting off, so it was easy for him to pull me under his influence and seclude me. I believe that in most cases, it would be difficult for an abuser to keep up the "reeling" with someone who was not as pliable as I was, but there are some who do this very very slowly- over years of time.
Now this is because these are people who are in complete control of themselves and their faculties. They know what they can get away with and what will cause them trouble. They know how to hold back and strike only where it will hurt most and be the easiest to cover up. Since your abusive tendancies are due to problems with anger management, you are a different thing altogether. You aren't trying to pull your husband and children into a pit where you can control them and exerting your power and dominance. You are just struggling to contain yourself and your temper. This leads you to doing things that are abusive, but you are not, per se, an "abusive person". I think this is why it is harder for you to see and understand how it could happen- because you can identify with abusers in that you find yourself doing many of the same things, but you don't have the same mindset or intent, the same control.
A truly "abusive person" is a skilled manipulator. Such a person has an image in their mind of the way things should be and then does everything in their power to MAKE it that way. They look for people who are pliable and easily subverted so that they can have control over them. While I believe many people experience abuse and many people do things that can be seen as abusive, I think there are very very few people who actually fit this criteria for a truly abusive person.
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The problem I have with terms like "bad" and "good" is that they are completely subjective and very non-descript. It's like calling someone "awesome". Sure, you've identified that you think positively about them, but that's it. What exactly does awesome mean? What does it entail? Terms like bad and good work well when identifying a singular thing or act that you can pin down, like- shoplifting is bad or cutting all the hair off "Fluffy" just for kicks is bad, etc. We can easily identify such things and make very natural distinctions between what is good and bad.
However, when you try to use a more wholistic definition like calling someone a "bad person", you've turned the word into a completely useless descriptor- like awesome. This is part of the reason why I believe there are no such things as bad or good people. There are just people who do bad or good things, and we all do a little bit of both.
Now, I believe that the majority of people have a natural desire to choose and do good things, but to do so also requires an effort of will to overcome our baser instincts to just sit and stew and take the path of least resistance which often leads to bad choices. Some find it easier to oercome these base instincts than others, are better at casting off the natural man, while others have a much harder time with it. So, we find some people who do mostly good things and some who do mostly bad, but even so we still cannot call either a good or bad person.
I think that when someone uses a statement like "I'm not a bad person", what they are really trying to say is- "I did not intend to cause anyone harm. I did not have bad intentions. I did not think things through before making my decision so that I could be aware of and avoid the adverse consequences on myself and others. etc." This, however, applies to almost everyone who does something bad so it tells us virtually nothing. What needs to happen for such a person is for them to take the next step toward recognizing their guilt (they recognized that what they did was wrong but are striving to separate themself from the deed as an anomally instead of understanding what led to it), recognizing the path they took, the temptations they fell victim to, and then acting on that information. Seek to make restitution, seek mercy, grace, and repentance, and strengthen their resolve and "armor" so that they do not fall victim to the same weaknesses again.
I don't care what a person has done or how bad the act, deed, choice was. To call the person bad is just wrong and pointless. Identify it for what it is. This person did something wrong, and unless they learn from it, they are going to continue to fall and make the same mistakes. Unless they recognize their need for grace and mercy, they are going to remain stained. It's not about doing more good things than bad- it's not about accumulating points on one side or the other. It's about learning and growing and changing, doing our best to seek out the good things over the bad, overcoming our weaknesses so that we don't keep repeating the same mistakes, and relying on the hand of mercy to make restitution where we cannot.
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Children will play with themselves without being the victims of abuse.
Oh, I know. But not in the ways my mother described. I refrain from sharing details so this doesn't end up in adult discussion. Suffice it to say, my mother has sufficient information to believe that this girl was at the very least exposed to some very inappropriate materials. Since this is the mother's reasoning for not allowing the father his visitation, CPS will most certainly be uncovering the extent of the problem and whether or not the father is truly the one at fault or someone else. I'm hoping and praying that the truly guilty party is the one who gets pinned. I've never met the ex myself, and from what I know of my brother and his experience with women in the past, I haven't ruled out the possibility that the mother is guilty and blaming it on the ex so she has reason to keep the kids from him.
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Seems like your all a wee bit paranoid. I guess CPS must be horrible.
Paranoid, maybe. But I'd rather err on the side of caution. CPS certainly doesn't have a reputation for making the best judgement calls and I don't want to give them reason to make a "mistake" that would have such huge reprecussions on my son.
As for my mom- if they do inspect her house, I highly doubt they'll find anything to misconstrue. She's been a stay-at-home mom for all of us and still has two teenage boys at home- and she's an immaculate housekeeper. She told me, while talking with me yesterday, that she has caught the older of the two children in question playing with herself in the bathroom when she was supposed to be bathing on several occassions. So she knows there is something wrong and believes the daughter-in-law's story that it is the ex at fault. However, if the girl decides to lie to try and protect him... That could mean trouble for innocent people involved.
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Why even let them in? Why even talk to them?
My plan, when they contact me, is to not let them in my place unless they have a search warrant- and I highly doubt it will come to that, since there's absolutely no possible reason for them to search my place. Since I've babysat the kids, I imagine they will want to speak with me about my observations of the kids behavior/comments and know if I've done anything to aid in preventing the ex his visitation. So, talking to them can't really be avoided if they say they want an interview with me for those reasons. I will request it take place in a neutral location so that I don't have to let them in my place.
It is possible, however, that they will want/need to inspect my mother's place since she has had the kids in her place for babysitting. She has been much more involved than I have in helping care for the kids. She has helped drop them off and pick them up from school on some days, and she has had them in her home from the time she picked them up until their parents could come get them, usually not until bed-time. As such, she's going to have a harder time avoiding problems if things get ugly. I have relayed much of the advice I've received here to her, and she is doing everything she can to be careful and guard herself, but she is very worried about the possibility of anyone under her roof being accused of something they didn't do.
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Well, right now I'm studying up on the TX CPS regulations and am doing everything I can to prepare myself for the worst while hoping it will be simple. Overall, the advice here has eased my worries, as I'm fairly certain I'm not going to have to worry about anything more than an interview about my interactions with the kids. I'm just crossing my fingers and waiting for them to contact me.
I talked with my mom after church today, and she is much more worried about this than I am. She is very afraid of the possibility of being falsely accused of something and said that she's going to be informing my brother that from now on she refuses to watch the daughter-in-law's kids. I'm really hoping things don't get ugly, but at the very least I know it isn't going to be pretty for my brother, his wife, or her ex.
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From "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet in the section on "Sexual Purity":
"Never do anything that could lead to sexual transgression. Treat others with respect, not as objects used to satisfy lustful and selfish desires. Before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not do anything else that arouses sexual feelings. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body. Pay attention to the promptings of the Spirit so that you can be clean and virtuous. The Spirit of the Lord will withdraw from one who is in sexual transgression." (emphasis added)
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Is "grinding" breaking the law of chastity? I think it is a logical question to ask.
Yes.
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Dirty house. No food in the cupboards. Dirty clothes laying around on the floor and no clean clothes. Moldy dishes in the sink and cabinet top.
Unkempt looking kids.
I doubt that you have this but anything dirty and no food are big flags.
Thanks. I do get behind on my dishes and laundry, but never to the point that the dishes get moldy and all my dirty laundry is in a closet not the floor. I'll be making some extra effort to stay on top of both so I won't have to worry about that. I've already spent my day off yesterday getting everything basically spotless. From what I'm finding online though it's looking like I won't have to worry about them looking at my apartment at all. It looks like I might just get interviewed and may be asked to take part in some Family Planning Meetings.
My brother's place though is always a terrible mess.
Whenever I go there to babysit on the weekend, it takes the whole day just to get it looking livable. -
I'm in Texas. Any ideas what exactly constitutes a red flag?
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I'm not familiar with how CPS works but aren't they looking for red flags? If you haven't done anything wrong and don't have anything to hide - try not to stress over this with worry.
Thanks. I think I'm just going through that reflex panic, like how many people will slow down and check how fast their going when they pass a cop on the road- wondering if he's going to turn on those lights even when they weren't speeding.
I'm just worried that maybe I am doing something CPS would consider wrong, and I just don't know it, because I don't know their regulations. Maybe I should look them up... I know I'm not doing anything majorly wrong- just the typical flaws and shortcomings of a single parent, but if there's something I'm missing that they call me on, what can I do about it?
I'm going to see if I can find where they list their regulations to hopefully ease my worries.
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Does everyone else freak out when they hear they might be getting investigated by CPS? Even if you feel certain you're not doing anything wrong? I think the fear comes from the fact that they hold this power to take my kid away and have been known to make mistakes with that power... I'm really nervous here. Anyone ever dealt with CPS before? Have any advice?
Here's the low down on the whole situation:
My brother is married to a woman who has two children from a previous relationship. She has illegally been denying their biological father his visitaton. She claims to have good reason for doing so- inappropriate sexual and abusive activity from the ex toward the children- but she never did anything about it legally and instead just stopped letting him have the kids, even going so far as to purposely pull them out of school early on days he was supposed to pick them up from school so he couldn't have them.
Well, he's taking her to court over it now, and CPS wants to do an investigation on everyone who babysits her kids. I've never watched them at my place, so I don't think they'll want to inspect my apartment... but I'm not 100% sure about that. They haven't contacted me yet. So I don't know the extent of this is going to be for me... They might just do a background check, might want to conduct some kind of interview... I don't know. But it just makes me really nervous.
I want those kids to get whatever is best for them. If the ex really is as bad as their mother claims, he shouldn't be around them at all, but she should have taken care of it legally in the first place. And from what I've seen, she isn't the greatest cookie either. My brother is a diagnosed narcissist and she seems to be a pea from the same pod. If CPS is thorough and uncovers everything that needs uncovering, I'm guessing neither of them will end up with custody. The kids will end up either with a grandparent or in foster care. If CPS just wants me to share whatever information I can to make sure those kids end up in the best situation possible, I have no problem helping. I'm just scared about what them "investigating" me might entail...
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When someone says "Your church is a cult!", that is an absolutely sure sign that no mutual respect exists. Therefore, conversation with that person is useless. Explaining why he's wrong is irrelevant. He won't listen, because he has no respect for you.
Unfortunately it isn't always that simple. There are many who believe our church is a cult, not out of disrespect but out of simple misinformation. Dismissing anyone and everyone who says anything that came from an originally anti and/or incorrect source as also being anti or not worth further conversation will leave us with few people to talk to about our faith- especially in this time that we are being encouraged to reach out through the internet and social media to share what we believe so that the more accurate information is more readily available.
My first experience with something truly anti happened on youtube. I was digging up videos from and about the church to add to my favorites, as I have some friends I no longer live near who like to look at my youtube channel, and I thought it might pique their interest to watch them and learn more about what I believe. I came across one called "Are Mormons Christian?" that seemed to be from a credible lds friendly source due to the name for the channel, but that name was deceptive. The entire channel was anti-Mormon. I was going to just pass on by and shrug it off, but I felt prompted to leave a comment on the video.
The conversation that followed between myself and the channel author was what you would expect from a conversation with an anti, but it brought up things I'd never thought about or researched- things where I didn't immediately know the answers and had to go digging. I knew nothing I said would make any difference to the person with whom I was holding the conversation- he was clearly arguing with a spirit of contention and had no interest in learning the truth- but I kept feeling prompted to continue when I would have preferred to just "walk away". Eventually, the conversation reached about where the prompting to continue ceased, and I left a "We'll have to agree to disagree" comment and that was that.
I don't know if there was someone reading our conversation who benefitted from what I had to say- maybe that was the reason I kept feeling prompted to continue- but I know that it has filled me with a desire to keep digging and searching and studying with a far greater intensity and dedication than I ever have before. As I've continued studying and continued seeking ways to share online, I've come across many others who ask questions that I can tell have come from anti sources, but these people are just genuinely curious and misinformed.
I know that knowledge and debate isn't going to convert anyone. The gospel is about faith and following the promptings of the Spirit, not about reason or proof. But it is also important to understand how to speak to and relate to people who do rely on reason and proof if you plan on carrying on any kind of conversation with them. I may not be able to answer all their questions or relate many spiritual experiences that would build up a growing testimony as they wouldn't respect the sanctity of such experiences, but if nothing else my careful delving into these topics has strengthened me as an individual.
More than ever, I've been feeling prompted to prepare myself with the "whole armor of God". I have my shield of faith to quench the fiery darts, am striving to maintain my breastplate of righteousness and rely on my helmet of salvation to the best of my abilities, and am girding my loins with truth, my feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace, and sharpening my sword of the Spirit by fervently studying the word of God. If I were reading anti material just for the sake of reading it out of curiosity, without the continuous work on strengthening this "armor", I'm sure it would tear me down- but as I feel the urge to seek out opportunities to share, I'm finding more and more that the adversary has prepared the way with landmines- and I'm learning how to defuse them.
There are those who have set the landmines and those who have fallen victim to them. I know I have no hope of helping those who set them, but perhaps my efforts could save some of the victims and/or prevent some from stepping on them at all. Not everyone is given such precarious work, but I sincerely feel that this is what the Lord wants me to do. And I think He wants me to do it specifically because there are so many people out there who have "learned" about the church through anti sources but are not really hostile themselves. They are just looking for the truth- and hopefully I can prepare a way for them out of those landmines so they can find it.
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Thank you embleau. That is an amazing experience and I am glad you shared it. I am also glad that it brought this thread to the surface during a time when I have reached a personal point in my life where I feel comfortable delving into the "anti-literature" sea. I want to understand their arguments, where they are coming from, and figure out how to answer those questions that can be answered.
I believe it is important for those who are not certain about their beliefs to avoid anti-materials. As others have stated, this is not because of the information but the way in which it is presented. It's all in the purpose. Something is anti if it is written/said/designed specifically to tear down someones faith. So if an individual doesn't understand their tactics or how to see through their blind-siding maneuvers, that individual is going to either wind up filled with doubts or assume everything the anti's say is correct, instead of doing their own research.
Now, like LM, I also prefer not automatically labelling things anti. I feel that title fits when something is written to aggressively target other's beliefs, be it anti-Mormon, anti-feminist, anti-American, etc. Putting "anti" in front of something suggests an effort to prove it wrong or tear it down. I don't think there is as much out there that is truly "anti" as there is simple misunderstandings, disagreements, or false assumptions. There is no point engaging in a debate with someone who is strongly anti anything, as there is nothing you will say or do that will sway their opinion- but I think it is important to examine the misinformations they present as such can confuse those who are seeking answers. Honestly curious people will notice the same things anti's use for attacks and want to know where the truth lies.
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Now about the thread, it seems like this girl (now woman) had a lot of problems growing up, drinking and threatening to shoot everyone at school, etc. Who knows if she was in the right mindset when she made the allegations. I don't know and I am not going to judge her. Having said that, I really feel sorry for the father. How sad.
I am certain she was not in the right mindset. Sexually active in second grade, depressed and on the verge of threatening a school shooting, drinking, drugs... Really makes me wonder about the conditions she was being raised in. Even so, that doesn't excuse what she did to her father. I don't think she understood how much suffering her lies would cause her father. From what she said, she just wanted him to "go away" because she was upset about her parents getting divorced. She had no idea what prison life would be like or what it would be like to hold the stigma of being considered a rapist and child-molestor over one's head. I think the fact that she eventually ended up spending time in a prison herself probably helped fuel the guilt that she'd put her father in there on false allegations, encouraging her to come forward with the truth.
I have a lot of admiration for the father- sticking so strongly to the assertions of his innocense when I am certain he must have been dealing with a lot of hateful scorn and coersion to get him to lie just so they could have a confession to have a more solid case. And then now, as the charges are finally being dropped after nine years, he isn't seeking any sort of restitution. He said he just wants to get on with his life. That is one of the most wonderful examples of forgiveness I've seen. He lost nine years of his life and his reputation, and he's willing to let it all go just so he can move on. Amazing.
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First off, I want to say that I have really enjoyed reading over this conversation. It has provided a rather enlightening view of many details about feminism which I've never personally studied. I can frankly understand both views, because my feelings about the feminist movement lie somewhere in the middle here. There are some areas where I'm agreeing with Vort and some where I'm agreeing with Pete.
I personally feel that the feminist movement started as a good thing. I believe that there was some very serious inequality and that advocating for lawful support to remove this inequality was a good idea. Because of the feminist movement, I can vote, I can enter the work force, I can get an education, I can get more support should I find myself in an oppressive situation, and it is far easier for me to have an "equal voice" among peers.
However, I also feel that with time this movement has become warped. After pushing for and receiving such necessary measures to ensure woman's equal standing with man, feminists continued to push for more and more that was completely unnecessary- some of them very hatefully. Instead of a society where men and women can stand as equals, it seems to me that feminists in general and as a group are pushing for a matriarchal society. Angry and bitter towards men for the oppressions of history, women are pushing to get back at them and put them under the very same oppression.
While much of what has come from the feminist movement has been good, there has also been much bad. Like, for example, the growth of alternative lifestyles. Certainly we need to be compassionate and understanding of those who live alternate lifestyles through necessity and make sure they have the equal opportunities to provide for their families, but when these lifestyles are sought out simply because women do not feel they are getting their chance to "live" or be "fulfilled" because they are stuck at home while their husband works... then they have a very warped understanding of what it means to live. Families are falling apart and the feminist movement is at least partially responsible.
In general, I've found that those who label themselves "feminist" in todays world are those who take extreme views and think that anyone who advocates for traditional roles is either striving to be oppressive (if male) or too oppressed to understand her "rights" (if female). Perhaps this is because most of the feminists I've talked to are those who wish to voice complaints about the Priesthood not being given to women... but I can understand why the word feminism carries such an "evil" taint when looking at it in the context of current usage as opposed to historical.
I believe in equality and womens rights.... as well as rights for men, children, blacks, whites, Jews, Muslims, etc, etc. Unfortunately, I think that groups that focus on the rights of only one of these fail in their efforts to continue seeking "equality" because they are putting those rights for which they are advocating over the rights of anyone else.
Now, I want to take a moment to respond to one specific thing from the Pete/Vort conversation that caught my attention:
Guilting someone into having sex with you is sexual assault. If you don't want to do it and you are pressured to do it, then it is rape. Psychological intimidation is definitely a cause of rape.
I wholeheartedly disagree with this. If I applied this definition of rape to my past situation with my ex, then just about every time I had intercourse with him I was raped. If I applied this definition of rape to my parents relationship, then just about every time they've had intercourse my mother was raped. This is far too loose a definition.
While coersion is most certainly wrong, while I consider it very wrong to use tactics like intimidation to obtain ones desired goals, I don't think that consenting to sex when you are pressured into it constitutes rape. Sure there are some cases where this holds true- where the "pressure" was extreme enough that the individual felt they really had no choice but to go through with it. But something as simple as consenting out of guilt? Come on.
This is one of the points where I begin seeing a problem with the current feminist views. I think it would be almost impossible to find a man who, under this definition, was not guilty of rape on at least one occassion. And he wouldn't even know he was guilty if the woman never said anything to stop him. That is just absolutely and profoundly rediculous.
I believe that once a person consents they've lost the priviledge of being able to cry rape.
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I'm a VT supervisor now. I just finished some emails with my supervisor regarding VTs who haven't responded to my multiple requests. I am going to have to call people tomorrow. Thankfully, I don't have as many to supervise as you did. That's a lot, especially if you have to pull teeth to get a response from them.
With time it did become a bit easier for some of them. As you get to know the Sisters you are supervising, you start figuring out when the best time to contact them by phone is, or if they keep up better with emails or text messages, or if you need to hunt them down in person at church. If you're really dedicated to getting those reports so that you can turn in accurate numbers, you figure out how to get in touch with everybody best to minimize your personal suffering of failed attempt after failed attempt.
I know it certainly frustrated me during the first few months. Would have made my calling much easier if at least some of them would have taken the initiative to call me instead of me having to hunt them down, but I knew I couldn't make them do their part. I could only do my best at what I was called to do.
Once I had cut down on how much work it took me to get responses, the most frustrating part about it was seeing just how many sisters were not being visited. Almost made me want to take the time to write and send out letters to everyone, just so they got something, but there was no way I could have afforded to keep up with all those stamps, lol.
If you have a difficult group, it is a very thankless calling. I just hope my efforts were helpful to somebody.
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Friggatriskaidekaphobia
in General Discussion
Posted
I did instinctively flinch scrolling down, but it was more humerous than frightening.
I don't wear any kind of eye-liner due to my phobia- had to once for a play and had to have somebody else put it on for me while I rolled my eyes back so I couldn't see what they were doing, and I still kept flinching when I'd feel it. Can't watch doctors give me shots either- Tried to once thinking I could overcome my phobia by talking myself out of it, and I ended up hyperventilating when I saw the needle. Mostly I just get very uncomfortable and squirmy when I see something "pokey" in a film, but when it is actually aimed toward me I freak out.