lost123

HoosierGuy, It sounds like Satan would that he would have you. You know what is right but are flirting with temptation. Your ability to discern right from wrong will become more clouded as you walk down that path. The common result is justification for your actions or declaration that you are not cut out for the gospel or that religion is just an organization that sets a bunch of rules. What harm can there be when there are two consenting adults? My actions only affect me. The feeling of loneliness and abandonment justify such actions. All are Satan's tactics. He is the master of deceit. He would have you believe that there is no God, if that will work. He will have you believe that you are not cut out for the gospel, if that will work. He will have you believe that you are too far gone down a path to return, if that will work. He will have you believe that you can repent later, if that will work. He will have you believe that you deserve to find companionship in worldly ways, if that will work. He will have you believe whatever he can so that you will become as he is. Oh...he is good at what he does. When opportunity passes our way to sin and our resolve is dimmed, that is when Satan steps in. Doing the right thing seems fruitless to this point so why not tamper with sin? Selfishness and lack of self discipline sets in. Often times, at that time, our faith is weak and our spiritual nourishment is low. So....what to do? The choice, of course, is yours. As far taking this girl out to have a good time is not the issue. The issue is the mindset of knowing that you are weak and vulnerable to sin. It sounds as though you have purposely chosen the venue knowing that where you are going is a place of weakness. You, yourself, have set off the alarms. Have courage to do the right thing. You can do it. Take courage, you are a good person who is running into temptation. Be strong. The way back now is easier than down the road. Repentance now is much easier than repentance later. Remedies for selfishness....is doing just the opposite....service to others....and being grateful. Start with counting your blessings and then seek to serve. Start there. As for taking out the girl. Remember, she is recently divorced and has kids and a low paying job. She wants someone to treat her the way the Savior would. That is the best birthday gift you could give her. Her values are higher than yours? Don't let her vulnerabilities and your vulnerabilities lower the bar. She deserves that...as do you. I am currently undergoing the process of repentance. The hardest part is having a truly repentant heart and feeling the weight and magnitude of what I have done. Spiritually feeding myself feels impossible. But I must stop making excuses and turn. Consistency is key. Positivity is essential. Those are two things I can have control over. Satan would have that I am inconsistent and negative. Have courage. You will be glad for it. A good talk that was suggested to me (even on this site) was from a Women's Week talk (2007) by Brad Wilcox's daughter and himself. Go to the thread "Is there any support system in repenting" and it is one of the posts there. Best of choices to you. Choose the right. "There is safety in righteous doing."

Definitely get a lawyer...right away. You need to contact your family and your bishop and tell them that you need legal advice desperately. I know it takes money. But right now you need to do what you can to protect any assets that may be yours. Seek legal advice and know that you are entitled to it. Ask your bishop for help

...paddling against the current.

You are right Misshalfway. You are very right. I am just tired of blindly paddling a boat that's not going anywhere.

Thank you for your posts. I guess what is troubling me is that I am finding no strength of spirit which affects my resolve to do the right thing. I can't seem to find the Lord's help in this. I need to talk about repentance with someone so I can start to feel something and start to sort this out BUT as I have only told the bishop I can't seem to do this with anyone. I can't reason anything out spiritually to look deeper or feel deeper. I just feel alone...and tempted to find comfort from the boyfriend ... but am afraid we'd end back where we were. Perhaps I am not ready for repentance yet.

I want to repent but I am so discouraged by it all. I can't seem to get it together on my own. My boyfriend and I were much too heavily involved. I've discontinued our relationship for the time being. I've spoken to my Bishop who told me what I need to do to repent. I know what I need to do but in trying to do that I don't feel anything. I don't feel any sense of hope, any sense of encouragement, any sense of an end in sight. What I do feel is that I failed and that perhaps I am not cut out for this gospel. I feel isolated and alone. I can't partake of the sacrament. I can't attend the temple. I can't serve in the church. I can't do anything that helps increase my testimony. I don't feel encouraged when I read my scriptures and I feel as though prayers can be quite empty. I've considered going back to my boyfriend. That way I don't feel so alone. I am starting to resent repentance. Ugh. Is there any support system in repenting?