lost123

Very mature words. Maturity arises from taking ownership and responsibility of our actions. Blessings will come as you move forward in that direction. It may not prove to be an easy path but if you are obedient and sincere it will be a testimony to you of the miracle of the atonement. I have great respect for those who show enough humility and love for God by repenting and coming unto Christ. We all have need for the Savior's atonement - each and every one of us. Just remember that you are not a horrible person and have faith in the miracle of being clean and whole again through the Lord's mercy. That is the beauty of the atonement. I encourage you to NOT delay. Call your Bishop today to set up an appointment. Pick up the phone. It won't be easy....BUT it IS necessary. Exercise faith. Remember to be humble, full in your confession, and express a contrite heart. If you wish, you could even ask the Bishop to give you a blessing to help give you courage on your road of repentance. The hardest thing about sin is truly abandoning it when there are two people involved in the picture. Be sure to address this issue. In this life we are here to see if we will do all things that the Lord commands. Repentance is one of them. The path may be hard and the road might be long and the consequences difficult....but...it will be worth it if you stick to the course. Take courage! People like you who do the right thing inspire me to do likewise.

This quote comes from somewhere. Not sure where but it is good. "Are you afraid to tak on responsibiliteis, afraid to make decisions, afraid to step out alone? Most people are - that's why there are so few leaders and so many followers. If you are confronted with a a problem, the longer you put it off, the greater it becomes and the more fearful you become of your ability to solve it. Therefore, learn to make decisions. Because in not deciding you failt to act, and in failing to act you invite failure. Experience will soon teach you that once a decision is made, the problems and troubles begin to disappear. Even though the decision you made may not be the best one, the mere deciding gives you strength and raises your morale. It's the fear of doing the wrong thing that attracts the wrong thing. Decide and act, and the chances are that your troubles will fade into thin air whether you made a mistake or not. All great men and women have learned to make quick decisions, which flows from their intuition, their accumulated knowledge and previous experience. So learn to be quick in making decisions and audacious in your actions." Hope that helps. :) Good luck and have courage! And...thank your husband for encouraging you. :)

That's a tough one but a realistic outcome to the consequences of breaking the Honor Code. But...if you are willing to bear the consequences...and repent with broken heart and a contrite spirit you will be able to have the greater miracle of forgiveness attend you and have a clear conscience. I recall in the book "Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball that he said to have a repentant heart means that you are willing to take all the consequences that come with it. Have courage. Talk to your Bishop...with a broken heart. Share your concerns...but be willing to bear the consequences. In the eternal scheme of things what really matters is not your schooling but your integrity. Take courage.

I think the answer is relatively simple... 1) Serve as you can wherever you are assigned- make an honest effort to do it with a full heart 2) If you have family obligations and works obligations that interfere do not feel bad about not being able to do it. Simply call up the auxhilary leader in charge (RS Pres, Ward Mission Leader, etc.) and simply state you would like to do it but are unable to. Don't feel bad about it. 3) If your wife is expecting or just had a baby, tell the Bishop that it is too overwhelming to participate in being "volunteered" for (whatever space of time is necessary). BOTTOM LINE: It is okay to say "No" and it is appropriate to do so if you really can't. You should not feel bad. People understand (and if they don't, don't worry, the Lord understands). Also great blessings come by serving and sacrificing. If you serve with a willing heart and ask the Lord's blessings I think you will see how it blesses your family. It is true that most wards don't function in the model you described. However I think your leaders see the wisdom of spreading the blessings of service to members who have coasted without those blessings by being dormant members. It also prevents a few members who usually do all the work from burning out. If you have faith and a willing heart when it comes to service, you will see the blessings (rather than the burden) of serving others. Yet - do not feel like you have to do it all if it is creating conflict with family obligations. Talk to your Bishop. Pray about it.

Oh...and I was going to tell you that Bishop said it didn't matter if I didn't know what was going on, I should call the police. If it feels threatening and sounds threatening then it very well might be. If I am wrong then police will sort that out as well and it makes them think twice about the way they argue if it is indeed just a verbal dispute. In areas of abuse it is better to be on the side of error than to be on the side of silence and allow someone to fall victim of years of abuse without anyone caring enough to get them help. Police can be the first step in getting them help. Bishop said I should never confront them in a fight. Now each situation is different. You need to refer to the police and your Bishop for advice. I later found out that the husband had a temper (sweet as cookies in regular socializing) behind closed doors - became easily frustrated. Though it was really awkward conversing with them later...and to the credit of the perpertrating husband...he did not hold it against me and was getting help. What I heard did need intervention after all. But I have to say that the whole thing caused me great stress and fear. I am glad I did what I did though and learned a good lesson about what to do. Be careful. Seek help in this matter.

I had this situation. I didn't know what to do. Is what I heard him slamming her down? Was it as bad as I was feeling it was when I was listening (couldn't hear all that happened). But inside it felt scary. I did not call. So I talked to Bishop (they were members). He said he would talk to them. He did. He said that any time I hear anything that sounds abusive to call him no matter what hour of the night. But he said that the best thing is to call the police. Sometimes, he said, that is what is needed to send the message to the perpetrator that it is wrong and that they have systems in place to get the help needed for both of them. It was good advice. If you are afraid for your safety then you should let the police know this when you call. It is tough. I know. I wondered if he'd come after me. Ask for advice from the police on the matter if needed and be sure to ask for help from the Bishop on the matter if you fear the safety of your son and yourself. It might be wise, if you can, to start looking for a new place to live.

The "plumbing" comment made me think that you may want to think about the maturity of your relationship. Though the physical aspect of marriage is important, I can guarantee you that if it is a "deal breaker" then I think you have some issues to work out. If you think that you must know that experience before you marry in order to marry then I think you need to look honestly at whether you both are ready for the responsibilities of marriage. Faith, trust, respect should be the guiding principles in a marriage. Indulging in physical behaviour reserved for marriage is a selfish act. Selfishness is the fastest thing to destroy any marriage. One thing is certain: sexual experience before marriage destroys a true relationship faster than anything I know. It is not worth it AT ALL. I know. It creates an environment of disappointment, mistrust, anger and sadness. It may not be immediately evident (though often is) but WILL, in time, garner resentment. Again...I know. It is not worth it. Necking is not worth it (which requires repentance btw). Passionate kissing is not worth it (that is where all the trouble begins). Fondling/Petting each other is not worth it (also requires talking to your bishop). Having a marriage set out on the right foot is worth abstinence. My suggestion... 1) Talk to the Bishop about this difficulty. Ask for him to follow up with you EVERY week (if that is what it requires - and it might). There may be boundaries you have crossed that you didn't know were a violation (talk to your Bishop about what is appropriate and not appropriate and confess quickly if you have over-stepped that). 2) Start with your thought pattern. As thoughts come in your head that lead to temptation...sing a hymn. Replace cuddling activities with service to others, keeping busy, etc. so the temptation to go further is not so strong. 3) Sit down with your fiance and make very clear rules. Remember that the first commandment is to "Love God with all your heart" and then the next is to "Love your neighbor as yourself." You've made covenants. The Lord's greatest blessings come from keeping the commandments. If you hold a temple recommend and are near a temple...go once a week...if you can. 4) Be stricter on yourselves now than when you were dating. It is necessary as temptations get stronger. 5) If you have to...have a trusted friend you report to daily to help keep you on track. 6) AND... Attend Temple Prep or Marriage Prep classes if they are available. Indulging in sexual experience (necking, petting, fornciation, etc.) before marriage does not lend itself to strong relationships or marriage - only regret. My advice! Run from it as quickly as you can. If you have indulged...see your Bishop right away (do not delay). If you haven't indulged...see your Bishop anyway. He can help keep you on track. You can do it. :) BTW...one sure method (pretty sure anyway) is if you have the rule that you will never be alone together then you most likely won't cross lines. Sounds stringent - but worth it.

Take the "I" out of selfish and you get "self-sh". Give it a try. Take "I" out of your needs and see if you can start serving your wife and child. You will (though slowly) see that your wife will most likely warm up. President Monson recently said, "Choose your love and love your choice". Good marriages come through hard work. Talk to your bishop...and ask for guidance and help. There are marriage strengthening classes available. You made a covenant in the temple. Work to keep your covenants...not only in good times but in bad times too. Believe me...it is harder not to keep covenants than to keep them. A word about your co-worker: flee from the situation as quicklly as you can. If that means that you ask to be transferred then that is what it might take. Don't flirt with temptation. You will fall. Don't do it. Emotional cheating is still cheating. Talk to your bishop about it. Call him today. BYU offers free Independent Study courses. Some of these are directed at strengthening marriage. Go here to see the selections:https://ce.byu.edu/is/site/courses/free.cfm

One night as I was destitute and had taken up sleeping in my brother's storage room, I contemplated the scripture in Matthew 8:20.."the foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head." I realized my Saviour could relate. I understood him better. Just remember that the Savior can relate, he understands, and he loves you. Having said that, the Lord has given us the Church Welfare Program for a reason. Pick up the phone and call your relief society president. Let her know your concerns. Talk....to anyone. Ask for a blessing if needed. You are not being a burden. You are one of the reasons we pay our Fast Offering. Open up to people and let them help you. Hold tight. Crying all the time. I know. Been there. Done that. Talk to someone you can trust. It is not abnormal to cry over difficult things. However, don't be afraid to ask for help emotionally if you need it. You've been through difficult times and have every reason to feel the way you do. Just remember the blessings too. Good luck.

Bible Dictionary: The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world. Since we are born into conditions of mortality, repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined. Without this there can be no progress in the thing of the soul's salvation, for all accountable persons are stained by sin, and must be cleansed in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. Repentance is not optional for salvation; it is a commandment of God. (page 761) Based on the description you posted, it sounds like these characteristics are something you have come to find out and apply. Well done. You are further ahead than most and I am sure that you are a blessing to your peers as you say they have been to you. Don't you ever let Satan think you are not worthy of blessing the lives of others or receiving the full blessings of the gospel. He is cunning and will make you think that. Just remember he is the father of all lies. An important part of repentance from grievous sins is that we confess to someone who has the Priesthood Keys and authority to be a judge in Israel. That is your bishop. Do not be afraid to go to him. He has been called to help you so that you can do what you need to truly put this behind you and take on the full affects of the atonement. I don't think you have to worry about the counselors knowing. Unless they need to be part of the repentance process, it will stay between you and the Bishop. He will let you know. You can let him know of your concern about this. Seek his counsel. Do not be afraid of the consequences. Have faith and confidence that you are doing the right thing. Satan would make it so that you have fear. Tell your Bishop the full extent of your past wrong-doings so that you know that you have fully confessed. Let him know the process you have gone through in the last while and the realization you have come to. I think if you are honest, fully penitent, and sincere you will find the outcome to be one of the true great miracles in your life (and wish you had done it sooner). Thank you for your example. It is inspiring me to do what I need to do. As far as marrying in the temple. Yes indeed. All blessings of the temple are for all who truly repent. What is even better is that all the blessings of eternal life can be yours too. Live so that you have truly taken on the name of Jesus Christ and that is what is promised. When you consider the grandeur of God's plan, you will be forever grateful. As for bringing up the past with someone in which you are engaged...that is counsel you can ask your Bishop about. Just remember that the Lord remembers your sins no more once you have truly repented. I wouldn't dwell on that part of your life - so when you do bring it up with that special someone - they should know and love you for who you are now - not then. If it is a problem for them, then someone else better is for you. Have courage. Choose the right. Don't delay. You are doing the right thing. Well done!

One's own immediate family is of first priority. That I agree. Yet a phone call once in a while would be nice, a letter here and there, some financial and/or emotional support to lend to our special needs sibling (from those who have financial means) would be encouraging. That is what I mean.

My very biggest thanks to all of you who posted. What I have read is what is needed. There is a sense of peace and gratitude I feel now that I haven't felt for a very long time. Things are still personally tumultuous right now but that peace and encouragement is something that is helping me from losing it. Thank you so very much.

You are very lucky then. That is the way families should be. Ours was once like that but as other gained their own family and children their pressures are different now and their time is absorbed with work and their own children. The pressures of the world are creating priorities of the family to be shifted where maintaining relationships become less of a priority due to the crowding in of other less important but dominant pressures. I think you will find this more common than you think.

Yes, good question. I have and have done quite well to do so. Still, feel completely abandoned. Either something is working against me or that there is no power above to help me or wants to help me.

I don't know what to do. I am struggling at work and may lose my job. I am struggling at church to feel the spirit. I have worked repenting of morality issues involving a boyfriend but have found spiritual support very difficult. I am struggling with feeling bonded to anyone including my family. It all isn't because I don't work hard and don't try. It is just a cut-throat world and everyone is too busy to help or to maintain family relationships. They don't intend to but that is the world we live in today. I am wondering if the Lord has forgotten about me and finding it difficult to understand why has it been so difficult to get support. I don't know how to get support. I am tired out. I feel very lost and am not feeling encouraged by the future. What would you do?

Thanks again. I stand to be corrected. I might, however, go to the Bishop and let him know that you and your home-teacher have been drinking...raspberry lemonade. LOL.

Put it this way... I don't think that you will be wrong to pay tithing on it. Perhaps you'd even be blessed.

Thank you Cassiopeia. Perhaps that is the case. I guess I am going by what Elder Holland said which may not apply here and may not apply to outside the field. Do we let people fall of the precipice without first warning them? Their choice is their choice but shouldn't we care enough about people to at least try to warn them of the edge they are about to fall off?

I know what you mean. I've thought about the same thing as well. It takes a tremendous amount of faith to be patient. I would be curious what you find out.

First, I take it that it is not you. Second, I take it that it is someone you care about. Third, I take it that you want both of them to enter the temple worthily. Am I correct? First, I think you are correct to be concerned. Secondly, I think you must be a good friend to watch out for someone you care about. Third, I think the answer may be quite simple.... Go to the bishop of the person of whom you are concerned. Talk in private. Let him know that what has concerned you may be of no concern at all but wanted to leave it in his hands and then tell him. Then leave it at that. He will have the discretion to call them in to ask for clarification and deem their worthiness. It is possible that what they have done hasn't crossed the line. That I don't know. I have been tempted to do the same thing thinking that there is nothing wrong with it as long as we don't proceed down a different path. That is foolish thinking and leading temptation on. Others are correct that it is difficult to maintain integrity in the laws of chastity when putting oneself in such a situation.... particularly when tiredness causes your guard to go down. Been there and regretted it. Reading "For the Strength of Youth" also applies to adults when it comes to the Law of Chastity. That is how the bishop clarified my questions on it as well. Kisses: pecks....no passionate kissing. Hugging: short embraces. When your passions take control...that is the line that's been crossed. Some things can be repented of on one's own. Other things need to be cleared through priesthood authority. Petting, habitual passionate kissing, or anything of the like should be brought up to Bishop. It may or may not require discipline but he can offer counsel and clarification. It may be awkward for you to go to the Bishop. You may think your friendship is in jeopardy. But...a true friend will do it....not to tattle....but to help. On my mission Elder Holland advised all the missionaries counsel that went something like this...."If your companion is at a precipice and you do nothing...you are just as responsible for his fall....be the good companion....get him help." So basically he was telling us that we have a responsibility for each other. Tell the Bishop that you have a concern that may not mean anything but that you need clarification for peace of mind because you care about this person. If it is fragile to your relationship with this person you might request some discreet way of him asking. Just a thought. Good luck. Have courage.

May I suggest you make a plan for your lives. Sit down with your wife and actually plan out your lives. Sure, that plan will need to be flexible but....it is a plan. You are going in a direction. You have a path that you want to follow. Your priorities will change because you have a plan. I think a lot of weakness occur because we lack a plan and priorities. That is just a suggestion. A big tip. Plan backwards. There is nothing like visiting a cemetery to remind me what is important in life. I guarantee you that peace comes as you follow and put your faith in the Savior. I agree with the last post. Decide now. You have control of your actions. Decide for yourself. Your wife may decide differently but...you will probably find that she will respect your good example and may encourage her to walk the same righteous path. God is there. He loves you.

I posted earlier about what support there is in repenting as I was struggling. What do I do when I fall back? I am repenting for chastity issues related to my boyfriend. We have not done anything that requires excommunication or formal disfellowshipping but I have been trying to repent for quite a few months as was deemed necessary from my Bishop. I felt a lot of opposition to repenting (although I wanted to repent) but was able to get over that hump. I didn't feel a lot of support in my efforts to repent and although I wanted to progress I had a difficult time feeling the weight of what I'd done. I kept plodding along and thought that surely that feeling of godly sorrow would come. Now...unfortunately, after doing so well, my boyfriend and I crossed serious chastity lines (though not entirely) this week. The problem is I didn't feel bad about it like I should. I don't know how to feel what I need to feel to repent. I've thought that perhaps we should just get married as he would like to. I have been a temple going person ever since I was endowed until recently. Do I really want to go all the way down the road that I have foolishly gone down since I've already started (and haven't been able to get back on board) and not marry in the temple? I can't be sure it is wise to marry him so what would that bring? I only ask here because I don't know how to approach my repentance anymore and what to do - or to just try own my own to figure it out. I've been to Bishop who set my on what I need to do to repent and to return when I feel progress. I progressed then fell back before I could meet with him again so I can't really get advice from him now. I have a hard time feeling encouraged when I met with him before and sought advice again from him when I found repentance difficult and came out even more discouraged. What step do I take next? I feel as though I am failing.

Hoosier Guy, You have issues. The first one being that you are so blind to your blessings that you throw them away. You sound as though you have a deep need to be needed and loved. We all do. The way in which you are going about it is dreadfully damaging. Think the best of others, give people the benefit of the doubt, be responsible and kind, and though you will get rejection, get hurt, and may continue in singleness....if you continue to be consistent in your love for people...you will find that you will have the greater blessings...and in the end...what you desire most. Gamble it away, be rebellious, etc. and you will find yourself no better off than where you are now. I guarantee it. No...you are deceived. Your happiness is not dependent on other people. You can choose to be happy. You can choose to be grateful. This doesn't mean that you will go without feeling hurt or betrayed...but you can choose to let it destroy you or to teach you that we must rely on the Lord for all things. He is not punishing you or giving you these trials. He allows us to be tried so that we can and will turn our will completely to him. Anger that is left to marinate will destroy the spirit. How stinking lucky you are to have these girls email you. Yet...once again you see it as a negative. Throwing away your blessings once again. When you decide to see things positively is when you will begin to accept your blessings. Your therapist can't accept your blessings for you. You have to do that yourself.

Thanks everyone. That talk by the Wilcox's came at just the right time. I think the initial hump of repentance was the most difficult. I still have a long way to go. Temptations still presents itself and I must be very careful. But...I don't feel like I am paddling against the current so much. That was a very difficult stage. Thank you. For all you bishops out there...when one confesses...it helps that when you apply disciplinary measures...to do so with a measure of hope...and not necessarily leave us to the wiles of the adversary who would discourage us further. Remind us of who we are. That helps give the strength to break through the barrier that keeps us locked in. When we need help....we REALLY need help.

Hoosier Guy, Um....may I make a few suggestions. 1. Relax. 2. Stop reading into everything as rejection. Have you heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? Well then...for crying out loud....think positively and you will find better outcomes. 3. If it is dating life that you are lacking and frustrated about, then ask those questions so people can help you. 4. The poor date you had wants to reschedule. That is not rejection. If she wasn't sick herself, she may have had a child that was having a complete melt-down and couldn't leave that child. Give her the benefit of the doubt. If you doubt it she WILL definitely not go out with you....and, in my opinion, shouldn't. 5. Is there any sin you haven't repented of or should see a priesthood authority about? If so, go to your bishop. It may help you start on the road of stopping beating yourself up and feel some sense of hope. It will also help you be more in tune. 6. Any time you have a negative thought, STOP! Replace it with a positive 7. Your happiness is not dependent on other people or even what happens to you. It is all dependent on how you choose to feel about things. Look at things for what they are: positive. For every glass that is half empty, it is also half full. You can either look towards the light or face the darkness....it is up to you...a choice. 8. Last but not least...read your scriptures. If you read for at least 20 minutes every day consistently and without giving up...after 2 weeks you will start feeling lighter and happier and more in tune. MY BEST TO YOU.